Talks, Tales, Thoughts and Things

Have Boomers Adversely Influenced Succeeding Generations?

2011-12-16T15:18:00.000-08:00

While some may perceive the boomer generation as being self-centered and problem children, without the boomers where would civil rights be? Or womens' liberation?

Many boomers wholeheartedly embrace the environment and their desire to keep it intact for their children. This began with the hippie movement of the Sixties. And while many may consider the boomers too left in their ideology, without them would there still be people riding in the back of buses? Would women still be considered the inferior sex?

Some may also believe that without the boomers there would be no war in Iraq. But there have been wars long before the boomer generation was ever born. Wars are about money and politics and in earlier years about religion. Many also believe that the boomers will be an economic drain on society. But many boomers plan to continue working at least part time and those that have money to spend are avid consumers and travellers putting money back into the economy.

Many boomers are health conscious and with their interest in diet, exercise and their wish to keep their brains active, hopefully age-related diseases will be held at bay somewhat compared to the generation ahead of them.

The boomer generation for the most part value family although many do have a liberal view of marijuana usage. Boomers and their offspring tend to have more intergenerational harmony than that which existed with their own parents where there was often a great divide. Miles apart in their musical interests and other things, they often had little in common.

The boomers brought about rock and roll; a type of music still loved, listened to and sang by succeeding generations. Even very young children will sing a Beattle's song. When the boomers were young, no one sang along with Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby. I believe the rock and roll the boomers enjoyed in the Fifties and Sixties will endure.

Boomers influence because of their sheer numbers but as a group, particularly as they grow older, their opinions are quite diverse. Many have become very conservative. Leaving their love beads, long hair and their desire to live from the land behind, they got the call of money and entered universities, eventually donning their suits and ties.

So have boomers had a bad influence on the succeeding generation? Have they made it difficult for the generation to follow? Did they take more than they gave? If you look at the previous generation, the boomers were left with the aftermath of a Great War, and the Cold War that followed. Yes, the boomers have lived during affluent times but can some credit go to them for their good work ethics and their hard working mentality? If boomers wanted something, they were quite willing to work for it. They have never expected anything to be handed to them. Many things might be better because of them. No one will ever know for sure.

The Boomer Generation and Their Future

2011-12-15T23:43:00.000-08:00

Boomers are better educated, healthier, more culturally literate and more discerning consumers than the previous generation and as such they will determine their future in a new way also.

Boomers at sixty-five are no longer considered old. In many cases they don't look it and they don't act it. In one study, the senior years have been broken into sub-groups of aging where sixty-five to seventy-four year olds are considered the young-old, seventy-four to eighty-four is considered getting old and over eighty-five is the oldest of the old. So based on that, those boomers who are approaching sixty-five can still consider themselves young.

The boomer generation, as opposed to previous generations, have very different characteristics. They like to be physically active by biking, swimming, skiing, bowling and maybe even sailing if the opportunity arises. They will continue to be intellectually active and many when they retire from their regular careers will have their own in-home offices with high speed internet and plans of pursuing their own businesses so that they can continue to live a comfortable lifestyle.

Boomers are looking forward to achieving new successes, learning new skills, visiting new places, developing new friendships and strengthening family relationships. This is an opportunity for them to try a career they have always wanted. With internet they can become infopreneurs sharing their wealth of information or they may turn a hobby into a business. Whatever they choose to do, it will be something they have dreamed about.

They can enjoy flex-retirement and make plans to accomplish what they want and haven't had time to do before. Some, with their quest for learning, may decide to finish a degree, to learn a new language or an instrument or they may travel. May feel too young and vibrant to want to retire to a retirement community.

Many boomers are unwilling to be stigmatized by age and will seek out transgenerational designs to assist them when their mobility becomes an issue. Life expectancy is at an all-time high with the expectation that this will continue to be the case. Women continue to outlive men and it is estimated that by the time they reach the age of eighty-five there are two times as many women as men even though there are one hundred and five male births to every one hundred female births.

People over sixty-five will soon outnumber children under five. There are now more people sixty-five and older than the populations of Russia, Japan, France, Germany and Australia combined. The United States has more people over sixty-five than the total population of Canada.

I suspect that boomers will deny the relentless advance of aging and will live their lives accordingly continuing to believe that they still have all the world and time before them. And as long as their health remains, they will be invincible.

The Boomer Generation and Aging Parents

2011-12-15T23:40:00.000-08:00

The boomer generation is often considered the sandwich generation as they care for their aging parents and children and grandchildren. Caregiving aging parents is challenging as much for the caregiver as for the care recipient.

There is a roller coaster of emotions as we attempt to parent our parents – a role reversal as we try to make decisions regarding legal, financial and medical issues. There are many concerns, the least not being how to keep a parent from driving when the need becomes apparent. In this I was fortunate because my mother was cognitive enough to realize when she was no longer able to drive.

As caregivers to our parents it is important to provide emotional support, keep in regular contact with phone calls and visits, help them stay socially connected, ensure that they have entertainment opportunities, do their grocery shopping if needed, take them to doctor's and other appointments, ensure that there are necessary handrails, no loose rugs and that all safety concerns are looked after. It is important also to be apprised of our parents' medications.

We must be aware of changes in their routine, i.e.: sleeping more than they normally do, skipping meals, not being concerned with hygiene, sudden weight loss or gain, mood swings, problems with memory, depression or anxiety.

We also, in our role as caregivers to our elderly parents, are in a position where it is necessary to deal with problems associated with end of life issues. This is a very difficult time for not only the parent but their child/caregiver. It is a time when both know there isn't much time left and both may realize that some things were left too late. When caring for my mother I found this the most difficult aspect although she had made it somewhat easier by leaving a Living Will which took the onus off me for making those most difficult of decisions. There were things I wished I had talked about and as she stared at me near the end I knew there were things she would have liked to have said as well.

As the sandwich generation, we are forced to think about our own aging as we look after our parents and how we will manage with our own care as we age. Will we be able to retain our own independence? Will we be able to retain our mobility for a longer period of time? Will we be able to stave off cognitive problems that will cause us to be more dependent on others?

We become very aware as we care for our elderly parents how important it is to live a healthy lifestyle and to make efforts to ensure that we remain cognitively alert by doing all in our power to keep our brains active. Many age-related diseases can be slowed or prevented with a good diet and regular exercise. But I believe keeping our brains active is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. Another is continuing to have an 'I can', 'I will' attitude that the boomer generation has always had.

The Boomer Generation and Their Health

2011-12-15T13:59:00.000-08:00

According to studies done recently in the United States, heart disease has dropped by sixty percent, strokes by seventy percent and the death rate for cancer by ten percent. Is the boomer generation aging more slowly because of healthy habits?

Most boomers strive to have a healthy aging process. This generation has the biggest increase in marathon runners and many have gym memberships. Many are concerned about controlling their weight, most practice good nutrition to combat the negative effects of aging, many use supplements and natural rememedies such as taking Vitamin D, C and the B vitamins to increase energy, mental focus and their health. Many of the boomer generation are proactive about their health, stimulate their brain with activities, projects, travel and work. Protecting themselves from the sun is another consideration as is their consciousness about cholesterol and blood pressure levels. Many in this generation don't smoke and drink less than the other generations. And many eat a diet that will protect them against diabetes. The majority are concerned about having more control over their health care as they age.

Most baby boomers are more socially and physically active than their parents were at the same age. Many are into yoga, walking and other forms of exercise and those who are more adventuresome are enjoying kayaking and hiking.

For the boomer generation there is a concern about whether the many services necessary for people as they age will be unavailable. The deteriorating health care system with long hospital waits, shortage of doctors and nurses and the general lack of facilities will be unavailable to a population that by 2025 will total almost one out of every four people.

The baby boomer generation have an 'I can', 'I will' attitude with a strong sense of determination. They use technology to increase their ability to obtain information that will help them help themselves. Internet helps them to make smarter decisions about their health care, allows them to connect with others who have experienced specific health problems, lets them research health questions, obtain services, look for doctors, research medicines and to track their own health conditions.

Most boomers desire to age in place which is to remain in their own homes and live independently as long as they are able to do so. Aging in place will depend largely on their health situation, memory difficulties and mobility problems.

Boomers are obsessed with age and see health and fitness as a way of slowing down the aging process. Few will admit to being seniors and many will only reluctantly admit to middle age. Many dress accordingly. In their parents' generation few women wore their hair long and loose on their shoulders past the age of forty. Now you see ladies approaching seventy with long flowing tresses.

Many will work longer, not only for financial reasons, but often as a need for identity and the wish to avoid the retirement pit and the thought of being considered 'old' by the younger generation.

The Boomer Generation

2011-12-13T13:52:00.000-08:00

The boomer generation is like no other generation in history. Born between 1946 and 1964, we have rejected many of the traditional values. We have lived together without the benefit of marriage, women have chosen to bear children with no plans of marrying their child's father, the divorce rate has sky rocketed and more women are in the work force than ever before, often earning more than their male counterparts.

But we have been the healthiest and the wealthiest of any previous generation. We have expectations, know what we want and are convinced that we shall receive - in most cases. Boomers control over eighty percent of all personal financial assets and have more than fifty percent of all discretionary spending power. We spend seventy-seven percent of all prescription drugs and do eighty percent of all leisure travel. Approximately forty percent of all boomers left their parents' religion.

We are the first generation to grow up with television, become involved in protests, sexual freedom, drug experimentation, the civil rights movement and the womens' movement, bringing about many changes; we rejected authority and have begun to fight for the environment. We have witnessed the assassination of J.F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., the Vietnam War and seen the first American land on the moon. We welcomed rock and roll, Elvis Presley, Buddy Holly and Woodstock. And we have been influenced by all of these things.

Those in the boomer generation for the most part have a strong work ethic, are hard workers, are self-reliant, competitive and have not been afraid of confrontation. They believed they could bring about change and they have.

We were raised in the years of the innocence of the Fifties, followed by the Sixties, an age of discontentment as more and more mothers joined the work force and the traditional family began to die a slow death. The turbulence of the Sixties defined the early boomers generation. The Seventies produced activists. Divorce peaked at fifty percent in 1979. The Eighties was the beginning of technology with the birth of the personal computer. During the Nineties HIV/Aids left an impact on the generation with many newly divorced boomers out dating again.

We now represent 26.75 percent of the American population but some of us can still use a hula hoop. We are better educated than our parents. Over seventy percent of all boomers are technologically proficient. We are healthier and have a higher life expectancy. Most baby boomers have no intention of sitting in a rocking chair and whiling away the hours. We are busy, active and have many plans for our future.

Boomers have not let life happen to them as so many other generations have. We have taken control of our own lives and to a large degree have determined our own destinies as near as we are able to do.

How the Boomer Generation View Themselves

2011-11-22T10:39:00.000-08:00

The Boomer Generation view themselves as being much younger than their parents did at the same age. Sixty-five is not considered to be old by many Boomers. It is the beginning of a new life – for some it's freedom to travel and be adventurous, for others it may be starting their own long dreamed of businesses or new careers.

Many, men as well as women, are style and appearance conscious. These Boomers will exercise with a passion and deny the fact of their aging. They will look for ways to continue to appear young. They will exfoliate their skin, use facial masks, use B vitamins, flax seed oil and do facial exercises. They will keep their skin hydrated and eat grapes, honey, fruits and nuts. They will search to discover ways to reduce eye puffiness and sill work towards getting rid of cellulite. They will use injections to help eliminate the lines in their skin. No other generation before us has done this.

They try to keep their bodies active by taking yoga or Zumba classes and their minds by learning new dance steps, an instrument or a new language. A one hundred year old man was recently on the news for having completed a marathon. Although he isn't in the Boomer generation, that is the mentality of many Boomers. It is an 'I can do it' mantra.

For some they fly south to become Snow Birds in the winter months to enjoy life in the warm sun while others look after aging parents who have also lived longer than their parents before them.

But whatever path they have chosen to take, they will do it. They are goal oriented and independent but they are also the 'sandwich generation' and as such many of them will become caregivers for the previous generation.

The Elderly and Dementia

2011-11-22T10:36:00.000-08:00

Dementia is the decline of cognitive functions, reasoning and the loss of long and short-term memory. It will impair such activities as driving, doing household chores and personal care and hygiene.

Although it was once considered a normal part of aging, we now know that it is caused by such things as underlying medical conditions but it is most common in the elderly. After 85 years of age, almost half of all adults will have it to some degree.

This decline in intellectual functioning will almost certainly have a negative impact on the quality of life and on relationships. It can affect how people think and it usually gets worse over time.

Dementia is caused by damage or changes to the brain which includes strokes, tumors or head injuries. Strokes are the most common cause, called vascular dementia. Other health issues such as Parkinson's Disease, Huntington's Disease, HIV/Aids, Multiple Sclerosis and Diabetes play a part in dementia. Also an under active thyroid gland, not getting enough B12, reactions to medications or poor blood circulation to the brain which can be a result of smoking is detrimental. Over use of alcohol can also create dementia-like symptoms as can depression which can affect the memory.

The first symptom is usually memory loss. Other symptoms include difficulty understanding words, getting lost in places they know well, inability to make a list and go shopping, confusion, forgetfulness, lack of interest in life thereby becoming anti-social. In most cases they will cease to look after themselves and their homes as the dementia progresses. There may occasionally be some aggressiveness, a tendency towards being argumentative or even violence.

To diagnose a patient, a doctor will first do a physical examination, ask questions and do memory and other mental tests. They will also probably do blood tests, an MRI and a CT scan. There is a medication which can be taken which will slow the progress of dementia.

It will be important for the dementia sufferer to have an active social life, to exercise, to watch their weight, control blood pressure and cholesterol levels and to keep their body, and most importantly, their mind active.

As a family member we can help by putting a list of important numbers by the telephone and by installing handrails in the bathroom. It will be very important to ensure that a family member who is suffering from dementia is not allowed to become isolated.

But most importantly, it is necessary to keep the mind and body active while still young to help delay the beginning signs of dementia. Being proactive by doings things to delay what may later be is better than later trying to control what already is.

When Does Assisted Living Become Necessary and What to Look For

2011-11-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

When it becomes apparent that an Assisted Living facility may be necessary it will be important to determine which one is baest for your needs based on your physical and financial requirements as well as your lifestyle. This will include how much help is needed, what can be afforded and how close it is to family and friends.

What indications are that will determine the need to look for Assisted Living facilities?

- It is ideal for those who may require help with meal preparations, doing their housekeeping, showering, and remembering to take their medications.
- Not eating properly as my mother did by having pork 'n' beans or canned tomatoes over toast or soup. Even when I cooked meals for her, she preferred to open a can.
- Falling frequently is another indication. When my mother fell in the bathroom, pulling the towel rod off the wall and hitting her shoulder on the tub, we knew we had to think of other options. She had had other falls but this was the worst. Bruising will be a tell-tale sign.
- When minimal, or no housekeeping is being done.
- Forgetting to take medications. This is usually a result of memory loss.
- Confusion and strange behaviour. On one visit to my mother's place, she had a pot on the stove with the burner on beneath it. She said she was drying the pot. My mother was an extremely intelligent woman so this was definitely strange behaviour for her.
- When isolation and loneliness become a factor and help is required, an assisted living facility becomes the ideal choice because they receive the help they need but are still able to retain their independence.

What are some of the things to do when choosing this type of facility?

- Visit several in the area of your choice to get a feel for the place. Is it homey? Does it feel comfortable? Is it close to friends and family?
- Assess how the staff interact with the residents. Do they take the time to talk to them or are they rushed? Are they warm and friendly?
- Is there enough staff, especially at busy times such as meals and when medications are necessary.
- Speak to as many residents as possible to determine whether they are happy living there.
- Ask a lot of questions of both the residents and the staff to get as much information as possible before making a decision.
- Check to see if there have been any complaints about the facility.
- Ask to see certification inspection reports.
- Ask to see the Resident Agreement which outlines services, prices, staffing, extra charges and house rules. Do they charge extra for assistance with showers, toilet needs or giving medications, etc. Determine what their obligation is as well as your own.
- Are there extra services and assistance such as a manicurit, hairdresser or podiatrist?
- Is there a 24 hour response system in each unit?
- Is there security on the doors?
- Are there handrails in the hallways and bathrooms, are the hallways and elevators wide enough to allow for walkers and wheelchairs?
- Do they clean the rooms and do laundry? Is the facility in general, clean and well maintained?
- Do they have cable and telephone hook-up in each unit and if so, is there an additional cost?
- Do they consider and accommodate dietary needs?
- Do they allow overnight guests and are residents allowed to keep their pets?
- What activities are available for the residents? Do they have regular bus trips?
- Eat a meal there to determine the quality of food and whether staff give assistance if necessary.
- Is there another level of care provided when more care is required than what is offered in an Assisted Living facility? My mother lived in a place that offered three levels of care.
- Try to determine by talking to residents what the staff turnover rate is?

There is a lot to be considered when looking for an Assisted Living facility because it is a stressful change for elderly people. None of us like changes so it is important to make the best choice at the beginning before a move is made.

Are There More Challenges for Youth Raised in Single Parent Homes Than in Two-Parent Families?

2011-11-02T09:36:00.001-07:00

At-risk youth are those who engage in sexual behavior and drug and alcohol use. But is at-risk behavior because of these problems or does it have more to do with the family structure and dynamics rather than the fact of being raised in a single parent home?

Dysfunction can be found in single parent families as well as blended families and original two-parent families. Poor parenting is not limited to single parents. According to studies, there is no doubt that family dysfunction creates a risk for juvenile delinquency. But it goes even deeper than that. Risk factors can be also based on individual characteristics of the child such as their personality and temperament, their peers and the community.

When considering family dysfunction, parental alcohol and drug abuse, anti-social parents, family conflicts, poor parenting practices, verbal, emotional or sexual abuse, low income levels, poor neighborhoods, crime in the area, the presence of youth gangs and mental health issues are all problems contributing to high risk youth.

Poor parenting includes lack of supervision, over permissiveness, inconsistent discipline, no clear limits, parent-child conflict, parents involved in criminal activities, excessive punishment and little interest or affection shown to the child. All of these can result in hyperactivity, aggressiveness and poor academic performance in young children with more serious consequences as they get older. Sixty-three percent of boys with a father involved in criminal activity are at-risk. Those who have witnessed violence in the home are 2.2 times more likely to be aggressive and at-risk.

According to some studies, it is believed that children of single parents are only considered to be more at-risk because of the potential for financial vulnerability, the chances of possibly living in a poorer neighborhood and perhaps having less supervision. But the connection seems to be almost non-existent where serious offenses are concerned only being somewhat stronger regarding classroom discipline and other behavioral problems.

There are ways, however, of mitigating these risks to youth whether they come from single parent families, blended families or two-parent families. They include having involved and supportive parents, harmonious family relationships, parents who practice appropriate parenting, those that give adequate supervision, sufficient affection, where the family is involved in extracurricular and school activities and when respect is shown to others by their parents. Other factors include the level of parental education and community relationships as a family. Single parent families with the above protective factors are no more at-risk than other families.

According to the latest Census in Canada, for the first time married people are in the minority but the youth crime rate has gone down six percent from a decade earlier. Based on these statistics, I believe youth can be at-risk in any family that does not practice protective measures to keep their children safe.

Second Marriages and Stepchildren

2011-10-04T09:35:00.000-07:00

Stepchildren and second marriages do not automatically go together like cake and ice cream at a birthday party. It can be more like the frustration of running out of gas when you're twenty minutes from a gas station and you're already late for work.

But like most problems, there are things that can be done when you have stepchildren and still be able to enjoy a relatively cohesive second marriage. The first thing is to have understanding and to realize that anything worth having takes time and hard work. Also, realize that realistic expectations will be knowing that:

- a blended family will not be an instant, loving family;
- the stepchildren will not automatically love you;
- they will not necessarily respect and obey you;
- may not be fair in their treatment of you;
- they will probably not think and behave like adults;
- the children's biological parent will not always agree with your point of view;
- the biological parent may not think you are being as fair with their children as your own;
- there is likely to be problems with non-custodial biological parents around holiday time, special events and school activities;
- you may have to live up to the memories of a deceased parent or spouse;
- the biological parent may not believe the step-parent is as affectionate with their children as they should be;
- you or your spouse may have feelings of being left out, feeling jealous or possibly resentful of your partner's children, possibly even disliking them because of the strong connection the biological parent has with their own children.

Before the marriage it is important that the couple consider the following in order to avoid power struggles and misunderstandings after they get married:

- Talk about your relationship – its strengths and any concerns you may have.
- Learn some communication and conflict resolution skills. Open communication will help with most difficulties.
- Talk about money and how each handles money. Are you on the same page with how you will handle the family finances?
- How do you deal with disagreements?
- How do you envision spending your leisure time?
- Discuss personality issues like being tidy or messy, organized or disorganized, stable or impulsive.
- Have a plan in place for how to handle the rough spots.
- Discuss how averse the children are to this new union, the difficulties there will be in creating a happy family unit and how to handle any problems.
- Discuss together how each of the stepchildren are feeling and why they feel the way they do.
- Decide not to rush into the marriage before potential problems have been discussed and a solution reached.

Following the marriage have family meetings when problems arise. Build positive encounters with stepchildren and initially don't discipline them until trust has been established. Leave the disciplining to the biological parent. With all things considered, choose your battles wisely. Blended families can be very complicated with numerous grandparents, aunts and uncles as well as step-siblings.

With so many people involved, it is particularly important to keep tempers checked, patience on high and the doors to communication wide open.

Adjusting to Living in a Blended Family

2011-09-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

Blended families don't have to be the Cinderella type of family but they're not likely to be the Brady Bunch either. At least, certainly not in the beginning and maybe not even after several years of togetherness.

Common sense will be one of the necessary prerequisites for successfully blending a family. This includes being kind to each other, as we are with friends and even those we've just met. Why then not with those in our stepfamily? Treat others as you would like to be treated, be polite, be respectful, try to be understanding of each others feelings, be patient and don't lose your temper. Would you lose your temper with a work colleague or a classmate? Be willing to try to get along, have a good attitude, be positive and be accepting. And be sure to offer praise even if what you are praising is not as good as you wanted it to be, praise the effort instead. Be forgiving.

The quote, 'United we stand, divided we fall', has been used by many throughout history. This is an apt quote for a blended family to remember to help them work together. It will also be important to have house rules – the same for everyone, parents included. Other things that are important when trying to blend two families together is to encourage laughter, try not to allow scenarios that may set step-siblings up to be competitive, i.e.: have an equal amount of pictures displayed of all the children in the house. (you may think no one is going to count but they will); make sure that all children have equally nice rooms, have equal opportunities for conversation and equal praise or at the very least encouragement.

Other things which will help with the transition is to be courteous, talk with each stepchild about their interests so some type of rapport over time can be developed and, encourage positive dinner discussions, i.e.: about school, their friends, what they'd like to do, where they'd like to go, etc.

Ensure that the house is full of love and that affection is readily shown. With children it is the little things that count, things such as a smile, a gentle touch, a kind word, blowing a kiss, respecting their abilities and of course, telling them you love them often. Children who know they are loved don't have to prove their worth, they will develop self-esteem and have confidence. Those are the children who are better able to work through changes in their lives.

As time goes by, many families with stepchildren will be close-knit. But like any family, there may be tensions and problems, but this is normal. How it's handled will be the difference in whether it is a big problem or a small one.

I believe the following quote by Scott Stanley is a perfect motto for a blended family: 'The challenge is to help couples turn 'I do' into 'we can'.'

Another quote by Ruth Bell Graham is a good one to remember also: 'A good marriage is the union of two forgivers.'

How To Bond With Stepchildren

2011-09-19T17:07:00.000-07:00

Bonding with stepchildren is not easy. It should be set at the child's pace. Don't rush the child, give him/her time and be patient. But there are still many things a step-parent can do to bond with their stepchildren.

It will take time to get to know your stepchildren so that you can eventually love them – love takes time to grow. But you can still be affectionate, if not physically then by telling a child what a good job they did, how proud you are of them and thanking them for things they have done. Some children are not comfortable with physical affection but will thrive on the praise you give them. Let the child establish how much hands-on affection they are comfortable with. Give children space and time. Keep an open heart and realistic expectations.

It is important to give stepchildren time alone with their biological parent, allow them to keep their loyalties for their non-custodial biological parent and never criticize that parent. Respect the child's boundaries and don't appear to be disapproving – you can't force a child's affection. Let the child set the pace for your relationship. Often the relationship between the child and his biological parent will determine to a degree how well the step-parent will be able to bond.

Step-parents will likely bond with younger children more easily than with their older siblings. It has been suggested that children under five years of age may take a couple of years to adjust to a step-parent but older children could take the amount of time as the age they are, i.e.: a seven year old boy could take seven years to feel a connection with a step-parent. Teenagers may never bond; a friendship may be the best a step-parent will be able to expect. But with realistic expectations, this can be good too.

Be interested in what they're interested in, offer to assist them with their homework but don't push, share your talents and skills with your stepchildren if they are interested but again, don't insist. Do fun things together and treat all children equally, both biological and stepchildren. Each child should appear to be loved, honored and respected as much as the other one.

Some of the things that can cause problems with bonding is if there is step-sibling rivalry, if the step-parent feels rejected and resentment builds against the child, if the step-parent has unrealistic expectations or if there is very different parenting styles, especially if the step-parent is considerably stricter than the biological parent. Difficulties could also arise if there are problems between the biological parent and the step-parent. If the stepchildren realize their biological parent is not getting along with their step-parent, the reasoning of the child may be, why should they.

Try solo outings doing something the child would like to do. However, the child may choose not to do so but don't give up asking and don't feel rejected if the answer is no. Be loving but not intrusive. When there begins to be a shared history and a respect for personal differences, they are the first steps along the road to bonding.

How to Deal With Stepfamily Problems

2011-09-19T17:01:00.000-07:00

To deal with stepfamily issues, it is necessary to have realistic expectations, open communication and have a positive attitude. Blended families are a challenging experience so love, patience and mutual respect are paramount.

For children there is the worry about living with step-siblings, concern about their relationship with a step-parent but also how the marriage will affect their relationship with their own parent. It will take work and time to feel comfortable and to be able to function together as a family.

For the parents, it will be important to start planning well before the wedding day; to lay the foundations for their new family; to give everyone a chance to get to know each other; to allow the children to get used to the idea of a remarriage and to establish somewhat of a relationship with their stepchildren before the marriage takes place.

It is a good idea to try to experience some real life situations together, not just fun times before the marriage. It will be important to parent from the same page, i.e.: make sure to discuss your parenting styles and agree on important issues before you make that big step. Parents should show a united front with the children.

It will be important to have realistic expectations and not to expect too much in the beginning. Respect for everyone in the family should be the first rule. Have consistent rules and discipline consistently and be fair with chores and allowances with all children. Be non-judgmental, positive, unified, establish trust and do things together. Discuss rules and expected boundaries with all of the children. In the beginning, the biological parent should be mainly responsible for the discipline and the step-parent can function in a friend capacity role until solid bonds have been established and trust in the relationship has been developed.

Changes in family traditions can be problematic to young children especially. Try to keep some of the traditions that your children were used to and also establish rituals and traditions of your own for the new family. Children want to feel secure, safe, loved, valued and appreciated. To do this it will be important to show a lot of affection, be consistent and to have firm boundaries.

Having a successful blended family will also mean having a solid and loving couple relationship. It will be important not to fight in front of the children and to show a unified, affectionate relationship with each other as well. Children are very adept at locating the chinks in a relationship and may possibly work at the cracks they see in their new family structure. This will especially be the case if they are not altogether happy with the new status quo.

Stepfamilies can be successful but the comfort of the original family will not happen right away. It will take time for the new family members to get to know each other, to trust each other and to realize that they really are a family.

Balancing Work and Family As a Single Parent

2011-09-16T19:06:00.000-07:00

It is important to balance work and family as a parent, but especially if you are a single parent. Your children have only you so time spent with them is very important. While not easy, it can be done even by a single parent when money is almost always on the short side.

The following are some of the ways balancing work and family can be done:

- try and reduce the time spent traveling to work or get a daycare closer to your job. This will cut down on the time you are away from home;
- cut back on your work hours and find other ways of making money by working out of your home, i.e.: babysitting other children, typing up resumes, typing college student's essays, giving art lessons or using whatever other talents you may have. When I was single I had an in-my-home ceramic class three evenings a week and a daycare, at different times;
- to free up time that can be spent with your family, enlist their help with household tasks and then play a game with them, read them a story, take a walk in the park or watch a video together;
- prioritize your time so that any free time can be spent with your family;
- choose what is important in your life. What is it you really need? Do you need that extra dress or is time spent with your children more important?
- have increased savings by reducing what you use so there is no waste, i.e.: don't cook more than you eat at a meal especially if no one will eat leftovers;
- reuse, i.e.: gift paper, bows and ribbon, reuse something old for another purpose;
- recycle by buying second-hand, passing down or trading children's clothes with friends and neighbors;
- look for bargains – get the best deal you can;
- buy only what you need. Know the difference between need and desire.

Children will feel loved and nurtured if you are involved in their lives as much as possible. Include 'I love you' notes in their lunches. They will know you are thinking about them and will feel closer to you as a result. When you are home, turn off the television and talk to your children while you are preparing the meals, eating, getting ready for bed and while you are driving to daycare or school. At bedtime make sure to have enough time for a story and a cuddle. Sometimes good quality time will replace, to a certain extent, quantity time.

It is important to make good choices in order to balance work and family. Work together with your children for solutions to make it work. The fact that you are showing them you want to spend more time with them will be very important to them. Have a routine, organize and keep things simple.

It is important also to remember that you must stay healthy for your family because again, you are the only one. You can do this by getting sufficient sleep, having a proper diet, having some relaxing and de-stress time by exercising, jogging or doing yoga and meditating. It's also important to keep in contact with friends and other family members so that you have a supportive network.

Parenting and Society's Social Problems

2011-09-13T22:35:00.000-07:00

Poor parenting skills can cause an assortment of emotional and behavioral problems with young children that will have an effect on their elementary school, middle school and high school performances as well as their well-being as they grow into adulthood.

Poor parents include those who fail to connect with their children. Some don't because they don't know how, others because they don't care and still others because they are too busy doing things they feel are more important. Of course, there are others still who are busy trying to exist, sometimes working two jobs and trying to raise their children as best they can.

For those parents who could make the time, putting their children in front of the t.v., not limiting their screen times, who don't wish to do anything their children want to do, have no interest in what their children are interested in, who scream, hit and humiliate their children; this is dysfunction. They are not being a loving parent. Poor parenting causes problems within the school system and can cause substance abuse in their children as early as their young teenage years.

Negative and poor parenting includes spoiling children. They should not have everything they want. They should realize that there are limits and boundaries. Also emotional abuse will affect their self-esteem and is as bad as physical abuse except that it doesn't show as bruises on the body. But its affects will last a lifetime.

Allowing bad behavior in young children in effect encourages and reinforces their behavior if they are not given proper guidelines to follow. This can cause bullying behavior in children as young as two or three years old. Bad behavior in young children can only be placed at the feet of their parents. In most cases the child has been neglected, badly treated or no boundaries have been set although they may have in their possession every material possession they could possibly want. Oftentimes parents whose children display unacceptable behavior have not given firm boundaries and do not discourage their children's poor behavior.

How can you be a good parent to your children? The following are some of the ways to do it:

- respect your child and show them at all times that you love them;
- with respect and fairness;
- expect respect in return and teach polite behavior;
- teach by example – be a good role model for your children by action and words;
- help your children to be responsible;
- help them to develop good self-esteem and confidence;
- give praise when they have done a good job or at least have tried their best;
- laugh and have fun with your children;
- help them make good choices;
- encourage their unique interests, i.e.: a talent in art, music or sports;
- ensure that rules are fair;
- don't stint on the hugs and kisses and tell your children often that you love them.

Some suggest that the children of single parent families are the cause of the far-reaching problems with children and society. I suggest that poor parenting skills are not limited to single parent families. But whether we're a single parent or not, good parenting skills can be had by all with a little effort and a lot of love.

The Joys and the Stress of Parenting

2011-09-12T15:47:00.000-07:00

Do you parent as your parents did? Or have you found your own way of parenting? To parent well is one of the most important things we have to do in life. Unfortunately, it is a task that too many people put too little thought into, thinking that being a good parent will happen naturally.

Some people do not care for the way they were parented so will choose to parent to the other extreme, i.e.: they may have had what they believed were overly strict parents so they will choose to be overly permissive. Some will choose to get their parenting advice from friends who themselves are trying to learn how to parent, others will read books or search the internet, take parenting classes or perhaps they will ask someone who has successfully raised their children for ideas on how best to parent.

What could be considered successfully raising a child to adulthood? What do we hope our child will grow up being? Most of us would answer that we would like them to be happy, responsible, productive, good members of society and ones we can be proud to call our children.

How do we do this? We must ensure that we parent positively by being nurturing and caring, loving unconditionally, by giving guidance and to discipline with love and respect.

Our children, in order for them to have confidence and self-esteem, must know that they have our support and that we are there for them. For us to be able to do this we have to take time for ourselves. And although parenting can be joyful and rewarding, it can also be stressful when combined with work and other outside tensions. It is important to learn how to cope with this stress. We can do this by learning to be calm, exercising to unwind and doing things for ourselves, i.e.: reading a good book, watching a funny movie, having a chat with a good friend or enjoying a special hobby.

It is important to remember also that each child is unique and what works for one may not work for the next one. When I was raising my five children, the two things I found that helped me through stressful times were patience and having a sense of humor. And the best tool of all is distraction. When a child is upset about something, get them interested in something else.

Parenting can be difficult at times, but it's certainly worth the effort.

Depression in the Elderly

2011-09-12T15:07:00.000-07:00

Depression is quite common in the elderly but it can be avoided and can certainly be controlled and eventually eliminated with proper safeguards. Feeling sad occasionally is normal but feeling as if hope is gone and there is no joy is depression.

In the elderly, unfortunately, depression is sometimes confused with dementia. The differences between the two include cognitive symptoms, language and motor difficulties and behavioral issues. With depression there is a negative view of daily life and memory lapses while hiding memory problems is consistent with the early stages of dementia. It is important with your elderly parent to get a correct diagnosis by having cognitive testing done.

The following are some of the causes of depression in the elderly:

- death of a spouse;
- health issues;
- not enjoying life as they once did;
- loneliness and isolation;
- some medical conditions such as Parkinson's Disease, stroke, cancer, multiple sclerosis, heart disease, dementia and Alzheimer's Disease;
- also prescription medications such as some sleeping pills, tranquilizers, estrogen and heart drugs can cause depression;
- alcohol is also a known depressant.

The following are some of the symptoms of depression:

- inability to function as they once did;
- feelings of extreme guilt;
- aches, pains and fatigue;
- their physical health may become worse;
--memory and concentration may have deteriorated;
- they have lost interest in activities they once enjoyed;
- they feel hopeless;
- it is difficult to get up in the morning;
- they have thoughts of suicide;
- their appetite, energy, sleep and relationships have been affected;
- they have suffered weight loss;
- may have withdrawn socially;
- they display slowed movement or speech;
- they have become irritable.

The following are some ways to help eliminate depression:

- take walks or get some exercise;
- interact with others, i.e.: go to the park, have lunch with a friend, go shopping or go to the hairdressers;
- try to renew an interest in a once-loved hobby;
- get a pet, even if it's a goldfish or a bird;
- watch a funny movie or read a humorous book;
- eat a healthy diet;
- join a support group;
- get supportive counseling;
- see a doctor and get proper medication.

Family members will need to help to ensure that their aging parent receives the help he/she needs by making sure that they take their medication as required, eat a good diet, keep appointments with their doctor and are not isolated. This will be very important because someone suffering from depression, especially a senior, will not be able to do it on their own. They will need help to become healthy and to be able to enjoy life again.

What Is A Living Will?

2011-09-12T15:03:00.000-07:00

A Living Will is about dying with dignity. It takes the pressure off family members to have to make difficult decisions regarding the care of their loved one at a time when they are already having a difficult time emotionally. It is a legal document.

What does a Living Will contain:

- it is written instructions about the level of medical treatment a person wishes if they can not state their wishes verbally themselves;
- a person can be specific as to what treatment they want depending on the condition they are it;
- it can specify that extra, or heroic measures are not to be taken;
- it may state that they only be kept as comfortable as possible;
- it can specify if they wish their organs donated;
- it can specify who they want to oversee their wishes when they are incapable of doing so;
- it may state that a person does not want life sustaining medical procedures done by health care providers;
- it can state their wish not to be kept alive through artificial or extraordinary means.

Living Wills deal with health and personal care and are used during a person's lifetime only. It is similar to a Power of Attorney that deals with financial matters and things relating to legal issues but different from your Last Will and Testament. It will provide guidance and will release medical practitioners from legal and ethical repercussions when cure is impossible. It also prevents guilt and disagreement among family members. There will be no second-guessing what your loved one may have wanted because it will be stated clearly what the patient wished done.

Living Wills should be updated from time-to-time because with advances in medical science, what was once a heroic measure may later become a routine procedure. Physical disability does not render a patient incapable of making a decision. Living Wills should also be changed as a patient's health changes and should be discussed with their family doctor. A copy should be given to their doctor and closest family member.

My mother had a Living Will stating her wishes not to be kept alive by artificial means and to use no heroic measures to prolong her life. Her wishes were that she be kept as comfortable as possible. After hospital staff told me she had only a matter of days, they asked me whether I wanted her taken back to the hospital from the convalescent home. The convalescent home was a lovely place where she could look out into the beautiful garden, if she had wished, and the staff so caring, I felt it was the best place for her and said no. I gave them a copy of her Living Will and any further decisions necessary were taken from my hands.

A Living Will is a health care directive stating a patient's wishes which will legally be adhered to and respected. It ensures that care will prevail.

Feelings of Guilt When Our Parents Go Into An Assisted Living Facility

2011-09-06T19:50:00.000-07:00

When it is necessary for our elderly parents to go into an Assisted Living facility, we may feel that we are not doing what we should be doing; that we are shrugging off our responsibilities when we place their care in another person's hands. And sometimes this is only the beginning of our feelings of guilt.

When my mother began having falls and was having difficulty remembering to take her numerous medications three times a day, we discussed the idea of an Assisted Living facility. My mother and I spent several days checking out various places and she was put on a list for three of the ones she liked the best. And then she settled back and thought she probably had about two years before she'd have to leave her home. But the call came in just three months time.

My mother was strong-willed and extremely independent. She dug in her heels and decided that it was too soon. But it was her favorite place because it was less than one year old and offered an on-the-premise grocery store. We went to visit it again and after meeting some of the people who lived there and the staff, she agreed. Until it came time to pack up her things and then she dug in her heels again.

And that's when guilt came again to weigh heavily on my shoulders. My feelings of ambivalence jumped to the fore. Was it really for the best? Was she going to feel abandoned? When our elderly parents are least able to do things for themselves, they are expected to meet new people, make new friends, get used to a new environment and become accustomed to new ways of doing things. Admittedly, it is a difficult challenge for them but there are often few other viable options available.

On the one hand we know that it is the best solution because they will get better medical care, there are more social opportunities, they are closely monitored and the facility has the means to take better care of your elderly loved one than you can. And also when we remember that the decision-making abilities of the elderly are not as good as they once were, we know it is the best thing to do.

But knowing that doesn't stop us from feeling we're not doing as much as we should be doing. We suffer with feelings of inadequacy, guilt over not making as many phone calls as they would like us to make, trying to get them to do what they don't want to do, i.e.: drink more fluids or eat more fruit, or things like doing chores for my mother while on a visit. She did not consider it a visit even when I had spent several hours chatting with her while I was working.

As the only daughter and the one who took her to her appointments, did her chores and looked after her, I was also the one who bore the brunt of her anger. Her anger and frustration always left me feeling as if I hadn't done enough for her. This led to extreme feelings of guilt. Could I do more? But often I wasn't sure what was expected of me.

Added to that was my mother's fear of getting dementia which led to more anger when her memory failed. But when I took her to a Gerontologist doctor who suggested medication, it just fueled her anger. The burden seemed to be on me to help her feel better but I didn't know how because I agreed with the doctor that she should have medication.

My mother has since passed away. With much soul searching I have decided that I had done the best I could with what I had available to me. I do believe the Assisted Living facility was good for her. And on her good days, she loved it there and was very happy with the staff and her surroundings.

For those who are going through this difficult situation and have feelings of guilt riding on their shoulders, it is very helpful to talk to others who are dealing with the same situation. I believe there are few of us who do not at some time or another feel guilty with decisions that have been forced upon us when caring for our elderly parents. If we know that we are doing the best we can, we can do no more.

The Elderly and Assisted Living

2011-09-02T14:48:00.000-07:00

Assisted living is a fact for many seniors. As they become less able to do things for themselves, living in a facility where assistance is given as required, makes things easier not only for them but also takes the worry away from their family.

The benefits of assisted living for the elderly is the specialized assistance with daily activities such as bathing, dressing, putting on support stockings, medication management, ensuring that they have nutritionally balanced meals by providing meals in a communal dining room and providing trained nurses.

Other benefits of assisted living are weekly housekeeping, often a hair salon is available or at least the services of a hairdresser and a manicurist as well as someone who will cut their toe nails, a grocery store and a weekly linen service. Additionally, their health, safety and well-being are closely monitored.

There is also organized recreation in many facilities offering such things as movie nights, pub nights, bus trips, weekly entertainment, celebrations for Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas, etc. There are also often card games, knitting groups, crossword puzzle gatherings and other outlets available so that seniors will not be lonely or feel isolated. It is an opportunity to make new friends and talk to others which may have been lacking when they were living on their own. Often pets are welcome too as was the case where my mother lived.

Most assisted living facilities offer self-contained private units. My mother had a large studio apartment with a small kitchenette with cupboards, sink, counter space, a fridge and a microwave. It was all she needed since meals were offered. And she had a separate bathroom large enough to accommodate using her walker. The common area where she lived had a piano which converted to a player piano for those who couldn't play. Often various people would gather around the piano and sing.

Assisted Living facilities are ideal for those who are no longer able to live independently but do not require the care that a nursing home offers. According to statistics, the average age of residents is eighty-seven years, women outnumber men three to one and the average length of stay is approximately twenty-eight months. Often after this period of time it is necessary for them to move on to the next level of care. In some facilities the various levels of care are in either the same building or in an attached one so there isn't a huge adjustment for them to make when they are moved.

My mother enjoyed the time she spent at this facility. It was obvious even to her family members that those who worked there were there because they enjoyed working with the elderly. They went well above and beyond in their care for the seniors.

Assisted living is an excellent solution to the care of your aging parent. There is no worry as there is when they are living alone that they will fall and there is no one there to look after them.

Spending Time With Your Family at the Assisted Living Facility

2011-09-01T15:46:00.000-07:00

Is it better to spend time with your aging parent at an Assisted Living facility or to take them out somewhere? This is a difficult question and depends on the circumstances.

What are some of the things that should be considered?

- If your elderly parent is difficult to manage on your own because of mobility issues, it is safer to visit them at the facility to ensure that they don't fall or trip and especially if you have difficulty getting them in and out of your car. Or take someone else with you to help if their mobility is limited.
- If they are in the adjustment period after recently moving into an assisted living facility and they are not happy about it, perhaps it is better to visit them there and help them get adjusted to their new surroundings, i.e.: getting them involved and talking to others, ensure that they know their way around, help them feel settled in their own apartment and help them get to know what all is available to them.
- But I do think it's very important to make sure that they have the opportunity to attend all family functions so they don't think they have been abandoned and forgotten.
- After they have adjusted to their new environment they would probably enjoy being taken out to lunch or dinner occasionally or on a shopping excursion.
- Try to keep the family interaction as similar to what it was before your aging parent went into the Assisted Living facility.

If I had my grandchildren with me when I visited my mother, she wanted to go downstairs to the common area so she could show them off to everyone. She occasionally liked to go to the store but as her mobility became more limited, it became very difficult for me to take her. She railed against a wheelchair as much as she had initially objected to a walker. My son occasionally took her but we always made sure that she got to the family functions – every birthday and every celebration.

An Assisted living facility can be a wonderful place for those who take advantage of all that they have to offer. Initially my mother did this until her health began to deteriorate. At this point she felt that she almost didn't want to make the effort anymore to go anywhere. It is also a good alternative when independent living is no longer feasible. For family members it is a stress reliever because we know that our elderly parents are being well looked after and as happy as can be with their new phase in life.

Penticton, British Columbia

2011-08-15T20:39:00.000-07:00

Penticton is British Columbia's city of events which include the Penticton Peach Festival, the Ironman Triathlon, Okanagan Wine Festival, the Elvis Festival and Children's Festival. It is also a city for outdoor adventure with its ideal weather conditions.

Nestled in a valley between mountains and two lakes it offers boating and fishing on both Skaha and Okanagan Lakes, kayak rentals, parasailing, kite surfing and other water sports. There are eighty-eight wineries within an hour's drive of Penticton, golfing, hiking, cycling, rock climbing, horseback riding, museums and galleries to visit, parks and biking the Kettle Valley Railway Trail. And my all-time favorite, a lazy float down the Channel on inner tubes with friends and a necessary beverage of your choice. It is approximately a one and a half hour float to about the half-way point where a bus will pick you and your tubes up and return you to your car. To go the entire way to the lake entrance will take over three hours of wonderful floating pleasure.

There is something for everyone in this Okanagan city – water slides, Apex Mountain recreation area or the boutiques and unique shops, some in original buildings dating back to the early 1900's. There is also the S.S. Sicamous to tour, a historic paddle wheeler located on the south shore of the Okanagan Lake.

Another great adventure is a trip on the Kettle Valley Railway steam train. This 1912 restored steam locomotive will take you on a ninety minute journey through orchards and vineyards with a view of the lake. Events such as the Great Train Robbery will be held where you'll meet the notorious Garnett Valley Gang. This trip will include a barbeque dinner with musical entertainment.

Another interesting feature of a visit to Penticton is the possibility of seeing Ogopogo of Lake Okanagan. It is suspected of being twenty to fifty feet long with an undulating serpent-like body. Local Aboriginal people reported sightings many years prior to the first Caucasian sighting in 1870 and reports of sightings continue to this day. Ogopogo has been reported to be seen from as close as fifty to one hundred feet away. It is said that this lake creature can move with astounding speed.

Is it real or a myth? Of the numerous people who swear to have seen it, they say it is real. But on a visit to Penticton, you will probably arrive with a healthy dose of skepticism but your eyes wide open – just in case you have a story of a life-time to tell on your return home. We never have seen Ogopogo on any of our visits but I haven't completely relegated the story to that of being a myth.

Penticton, because of its wonderful weather conditions, is great for growing luscious fruit, particularly peaches so it's an ideal opportunity to load up your trunk with some of the bounty on your visit. Accommodations are also readily available.

On a visit to our beautiful province of British Columbia, Penticton with all it has to offer, is not a place to miss.

Palm Springs in the Coachella Valley

2011-08-11T10:41:00.000-07:00

Palm Springs, a desert city within the Coachella Valley, is a great destination for golfers with its 125 golf courses. But there is more to this lovely area than just golfing. For those who like the desert air there are many other attractions as well.

One of the particularly interesting places to visit is Joshua Tree National Park with its abundance of birds, and animals such as bobcats, cougars, coyotes, quails, jackrabbits, big horn sheep and desert tortoises. Flowering cacti especially are the jewels of the park as well as the many other wild flowers that flourish in this desert area. And there are many various rock formations that are unique for the visitor to see. Also of interest, the park is crisscrossed with hundreds of fault lines. The famous San Andreas Fault can be observed on the south side of the park as well as other fault lines throughout the area.

Joshua Tree National Park has 501 archeological sites and 88 historic structures as well as a large museum collection. Included is the Pinto culture collection dated at 4,000 to 8,000 years ago. There are collections also of tools, basketry and ceramic tools telling the story of the early lives of the Cahuilla, Chemuevi and Sorrano who occupied the park prior to the early 1900's. And the exhibits of miners' tools and children's toys tell the story of the park's early Anglo settlers. An estimated three hundred mines were developed in the area after the California gold rush of 1849 ended. Also included are photographs and old library collections of the early cattlemen in the area.

Soak City is another attraction with many different kinds of water slides available for children or the young at heart. While we were in Palm Springs recently we took advantage of the opportunity to go. Besides the water slides, I particularly enjoyed the wave pool and the large lazy river where you don't have to do anything but relax and float along on a big tube. There are tubes available for use while you are in the wave pool also.

The Palm Springs Aerial Tram will take you up Chino Canyon where it is about thirty degrees cooler with an elevation of 8,516 feet and into Mt. San Jacinto State Park. It is a popular hiking area with sub-alpine forests, ferny mountain meadows and granite peaks. The Mt. San Jacinto State Park has been likened to hiking in Switzerland. In the winter cross-country skiing and snowshoeing are popular sports. Completed in 1963, the Aerial Tram has carried more than twelve million people into the mountains overlooking the Coachella Valley.

The Palm Springs area has a high of approximately 104 degrees in the summer although when we were there recently it reached 115 degrees. We were thankful for the backyard pool and air conditioning.

Although we usually visit Palm Springs during the summer months, the ideal time is during the other seasons when the temperatures are lovely but a little more moderate especially if you are there for the golf games.

The Magic World of Disneyland

2011-08-11T10:38:00.000-07:00

Walt Disney's dream came true when he opened Disneyland Park in California. In his own words, the secret of making dreams come true is curiosity, confidence, courage and constancy. And Disneyland is all about dreams.

Disneyland was started by a mouse debuting as Steamboat Willie. Mickey Mouse first appeared in 1928. In 1937, Walt Disney produced Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and later went on to produce Pinocchio, Fantasia, Dumbo and Bambi. Walt Disney's name is synonymous with imagination and creation. And in his own words, 'nothing is impossible.'.

On a recent visit to this fairyland amusement park, although Bambi was not in evidence, Dumbo flew around Fantasyland carrying happy, laughing children and their parents. And on a ride through the forest we visited the home of the seven dwarfs and witnessed the 'happily ever after' story of Snow White.

In Toontown Mickey Mouse, Walt Disney's first loveable cartoon character meets and greets visitors to the park along with Goofy and Donald Duck allowing ample opportunities for photos to be taken.

Disney worked endlessly in the early years to perfect the art of animation. Technicolor was first introduced to his animations in his production of Silly Symphonies. On Paradise Pier the Silly Symphony swings now take guests for a spin over the boardwalk. Also in this area of California park the World of Color display of colored dancing lights with animated characters are no doubt in memory of Disney's Wonderful World of Color production of 1961. Although Disney died in 1966, he definitely has not been forgotten and is thought of as a bridge from the past to the future.

A visit to Disneyland is, as Disney planned, an exciting experience for both adults and children alike. Among my favorite rides are Pirates of the Caribbean which opened in 1967 and was one of the last Disney was involved with before his untimely death; the haunted mansion, although not introduced to the park until 1969 was an idea conceived many years previously by Walt Disney, and It's a Small World which was added in 1964. Another favorite, although a much more recent addition, is Soaring over California which takes riders on a hang glider flight over the Golden Gate Bridge, Yosemite National Park, Lake Tahoe and San Diego harbor to name a few of the beautiful sights you will see as the breeze caresses your face and gently blows through your hair. Other favorites are Grizzly River Run, the Jungle Cruise and Peter Pan's Flight. Tower of Terror, a relatively new addition is not a favorite of mine, nor California Screaming but were rides my sons went on several times.

Disneyland and California Adventure Parks are a combination of adventure, magic and dreams. The results of Walt Disney's dreams are where every adult can be a child again and every child can believe in the impossible.

San Felipe and the Baha Peninsula

2011-08-11T10:35:00.000-07:00

The Baha Peninsula extends approximately 1,200 km from the US border to the southern tip. It is separated from Mexico by the beautiful azure blue Sea of Cortez and is mainly desert and mountains.

The Peninsula is made up of four deserts: the San Felipe Desert, Central Coast Desert, Vizcaino Desert and the Magdalena Plain Desert. In 1952 the North Territory of Baja California became the 30th state of Mexico known as Baja California and the South territory of Baja California became the 31st state known as Baja California Sur.

On the Peninsula, Tijuana, a border city is famed for its international cuisine, Ensenada is surrounded by vineyards, at Scammons Lagoon you may be lucky enough to spy a Gray Whale, Rosarito is the top destination for scuba diving and La Paz is popular for sport fishing and windsurfing. Los Cabos, in the southern part of the Peninsula is one of Mexico's most popular destinations.

The Peninsula was discovered by a sea captain, Hernan Cortes in 1535. He made the first detailed map of the area and gave the town of San Felipe its original name of Santa Catalina. In 1766 Wenceslaus Linck was the first person to reach by land what later became known as San Felipe. San Felipe, with its fantastic fall, winter and spring weather is only two and a half hours from the US border. A unique town, it is the shrimping capital of the Baha.

On a recent trip to San Felipe we watched the shrimp boats ride up onto the sand as they came into shore to unload their daily catch of fresh caught shrimp. And fresh they are! We had shrimp tacos with a large array of condiments and sauces and I can honestly say there is nothing that tastes quite as good. Combine that with a cold glass of the local beer and fresh squeezed lime juice and you have a lunch fit for a king.

While there we also visited the Valley of the Giants. It is a natural reserve of one thousand plus year old cardones cacti. They are native to the area and during their span of life have witnessed the passing of time and no doubt many changes. Their roots can spread up to thirty meters to trap water after one of the area's infrequent rainfalls. Sometimes they trap enough water to allow them to survive for years. When standing beside any of these amazing giants, some as high as fifteen meters, any man will be dwarfed by their size.

There are interesting shops in the town of San Felipe, Mexican-style Mardi Gras', festivals, fishing, night life and friendly people. It has the reputation of being the second sunniest place on the planet. Beachcombing is an adventure too as the tide goes out a long way. And dozens of camping spots can be found almost anywhere you look.

San Felipe, like much of the Baja Peninsula is a veritable paradise, a vacationer's dream spot with its ideal weather conditions, unique beauty and the allure of the crystal blue waters of the Sea of Cortez.

The Othello Tunnels of British Columbia

2011-08-03T15:32:00.000-07:00

The Othello Tunnels are located in the most rugged section of the Coquihalla Canyon. At a time when there was limited technology, tunnels were created through three solid granite mountain cliffs and bridges were built above a canyon where the river rushes three hundred feet below. It is a terrain so rugged as to seem nearly impossible even with the technology we now have.

This magnificent and unbelievable engineering feat was designed by engineer Andrew McCullough and was completed between 1911 – 1918. Sadly many immigrants lost their lives during the building of these tunnels and trestles which were deemed necessary to gain passage to the coast. Once British Columbia became part of Canada in 1871, it was necessary to link eastern Canada to the Pacific Coast. The mountains of British Columbia were a challenge, particularly those surrounding the Coquihalla Gorge. There was no way around so the engineer for the project made the decision to go through. McCullough was hired as the chief engineer in May, 1910, more than one hundred years ago. The work was completely done by hand with some help from horse drawn scrapers and black powder. Cliff ladders, suspension bridges and ropes assisted the workers in building what, even today, is considered an engineering marvel.

At the time the tunnels and passage were built, they cost $300,000.00. In today's money it would translate into approximately $5.8 million dollars. The old CPR Kettle Valley Railway once ran through this magnificent piece of history and through some of the most beautiful scenery there is in the province.

The tunnels, also known as the Quintette Tunnels, were named by Andrew McCullough who was an avid fan of Shakespeare. He used the names of Lear, Jessica, Portia, Iagy, Romeo and Juliet to name the stations on the Coquihalla route.

It was thirty-eight miles from the Coquihalla Summit to the junction with the CPR mainline across the Fraser River from Hope. It ran freight and passengers between Nelson and Vancouver but was often plagued with rock and snow slides. The Kettle Valley Railway closed in 1959 following a severe slide in the area and in May of 1986, the tunnels and surrounding area became a provincial recreation area.

Today, after walking through the tunnels and traversing the bridges, you can continue along the old railroad bed which links to the historic Hope-Nicola Cattle Trail. Many visitors take their bikes to travel the path left by a railway that is no longer available to us.

The park is closed between November and March each year because of the possibility of falling rocks and ice breaking from the surface of the walls of the canyon to the walking trails below. When visiting the tunnels, it is necessary to take a flashlight. It is important to remember also that bikes must be walked and pets must be kept on a leash at all times.

A visit to the canyons is well worth the drive for the beauty, the wonder and the amazement of what man is capable of doing. Like other men of vision, Andrew McCullough believed anything was possible.

The Majestic Grand Canyon

2011-08-03T15:25:00.000-07:00

When seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time one is at a loss for words or even unable to comprehend the unbelievable wonder of its creation. It is such a spectacular sight that no picture can possibly do it justice.

Few people have not seen pictures of the Grand Canyon and still when we first see it, we cannot be anything else but impressed and in awe of this majestic sight. What then must it have been like for the first people who happened on this unbelievable vision of nature at its best?

The oldest human artifacts discovered date to the Paleo-Indian period nearly 12,000 years ago. For thousands of years the Puebloans, Cohoninas, the Paiutes, Cerbats and the Navajoes lived as semi-nomadic hunter-gatherers and canyon dwellers in the area of the canyon.

There are approximately 2,000 known archaeological sites within the park boundaries giving evidence of their existence and their way of life. The most accessible site is Tusayan Pueblo believed to be constructed sometime around 1185 and possibly housing about thirty people. There is further evidence that in the late 1200's these nomadic people seemed to have left the area of the canyon. It is thought that the mass exodus may have been due to a climate change since a lot of their existence depended upon agriculture.

Following this for a period of about one hundred years the canyon remained deserted by humans until the Paiutes, Cerbats and later the Navajoes returned to reestablish their settlements. The Dines, relatives of the Apache, later became inhabitants of the canyon as well until in 1882 when all Native Americans were forced onto reservations.

In 1540, Captain Garcia Lopez de Cardenas lead a party of Spanish soldiers into the Grand Canyon on an expedition but left believing that it was impossible to get through many of the areas within the canyon. It was another two hundred years before a second expedition arrived in the form of two Spanish priests. They were searching for a route from Santa Fe, New Mexico to Monterey, California. In 1826, James Ohio Pattie and a group of trappers reached the canyon but little is known about them. And in the mid 1800's Lieutenant Joseph Ines attempted to explore the area as well but eventually gave up his quest.

John Wesley Powell (1834 – 1902) was the first geologist to navigate the often treacherous Colorado River through the Grand Canyon studying the geology of the canyon. He later founded the U.S. Geological Society and wrote several books on the subject. His first trip was in 1869 and his second, more successful trip, was between 1871 and 1872. Others later followed him discovering and recording additional information about this fabulous creation as they went.

In 1901, the Grand Canyon Railway was established and ran between Arizona and the South Rim opening the canyon up to tourists who had previously only been able to visit by stagecoach. In 1905 a luxury hotel, the El Tovar, was opened on the South Rim and the Phantom Ranch in the Inner Gorge opened in 1922.

In May, 1933 the Watchtower at Desert View Point opened allowing visitors to see for over one hundred miles on a clear day and be able to watch the Colorado River as it winds through the canyon. The Watchtower was designed by Mary Elizabeth Colter using rock from the canyon. She insisted that the rock of the Tower blend into the rock of the canyon walls. Paintings and artwork decorate the inside walls. It is on the eastern end of the South Rim of the canyon. Standing seventy feet tall, it is thirty feet at its base. The Watchtower sits on a promontory over the canyon.

In the early 1900's, miners very quickly discovered that tourism was much more lucrative and easier than the often difficult and treacherous conditions of mining. Before long, and especially with the addition of the railroad, the Grand Canyon, with its awe inspiring views, became a popular attraction for tourists.

The Grand Canyon was given Federal protection as a Forest Reserve in 1893 and later became a National Monument. In 1919, it achieved National Park status receiving 44,173 visitors. It currently receives close to five million visitors each year.

Today the South Rim remains the most popular destination as the North Rim is more remote with fewer services. The newer addition of the Grand Canyon Skywalk, which is 4,000 feet above the Colorado River on the West Rim, has encouraged an influx of visitors to that area in recent years. It has a glass bottomed observation deck and reaches seventy feet over the canyon's rim. The West Rim is owned and operated by the Hualapai Indian Tribe.

On a recent visit to this marvel of nature, we took the shuttle from one view point to the next. Knowing a little bit about the history of one of the 7th Wonders of the World enhanced what we already considered an exciting visit from breath-stopping beauty alone. In some places the rock walls plunged to a depth of a mile below to the Colorado River. There were smiles on every face we passed as we followed paths and walked to view points. Happiness seemed to abound in this area of beauty.

When you look down into the canyon below and see the different layers of history that nature has preserved for us, it puts life into perspective. On a visit to many places you feel you're glad you came and you enjoyed what you saw but may not come back. But on a visit to the Grand Canyon, you will know you definitely want to return to view its beauty again.

Gabriola Island - One of the Gulf Islands of British Columbia

2011-07-31T09:44:00.000-07:00

British Columbia has many beautiful places to visit. Gabriola Island, one of the gulf islands dotting the western coastline, is one such place. For many years it has been our annual getaway destination eagerly looked forward to by the whole family. There are few other places that could surpass its beauty with sandstone beaches and interesting shorelines. When we walk the beaches we see an abundance of starfish, jellyfish, anemones and sea otter. Seals often make their way onto the beach to sunbathe or vie for our attention.

Setting up chairs at waters edge, we enjoy the tranquility of waves lapping at our feet and the ocean sounds of seagulls and oyster catchers. There are spectacular views of ships and pleasure craft and the spirit-lifting beauty of sun glistening on gentle waves; and in the evenings, the sunsets are spectacular.

There is much to see and enjoy on this enchanted island. One of the interests is False Narrows, a narrow channel running between Mudge Island and Gabriola. When walking on Brickyard Beach, in this area, we are still able to see the remnants of a brickyard that operated from 1895 to 1945.

We often visit Malaspina Galleries, a rare geological feature. The Gallery has been carved into the sandstone over hundreds of years of high tides. Because of places like the Galleries, Gabriola Island is a great place for nature lovers and photographers alike. There are also a number of petroglyphs in the area.

Lighthouse Point is another wonderful place to visit. When we are there we can feel the power of nature as the wind is usually brisk at this end of the island. Driftwood litters the beach brought to shore by the crashing waves.

Many of the beaches are accessible allowing for shoreline hikes when the tide is low. Twin Beaches is another great place to visit where the shores are sandy and the unique shells are many and interesting. There are picnic tables and, in some areas, trees shelter the sandy beach for respite from the sun.

Several parks on the island have developed easy walking woodland trails often ending on the beach. Old logging roads and country roads heading inland are also interesting because of the many groves of Garry oaks and Arbutus trees.

Drumbeg Park is a beautiful spot that is never crowded. It has easy, open walking trails. One of the trails meanders through a grove of Garry oaks, across sandstone beaches and over a grassy hill where it comes to a beautiful view of the channel and the group of islands beyond.

On Saturday mornings we visit the Farmers’ Market where crafts, homemade jams and home-grown produce are for sale. There is also the annual Sand Castle Exhibit where any family or group can participate for the cost of a non-perishable food donation to the food bank as an entrance fee. There is the annual Salmon Barbeque; the annual Beat the Heat Summer Fest at Silva Bay with a non-marine boat race that is as much fun for the observers as it is for the participants; and the annual Concert On the Green. We have attended, and enjoyed, all of these events while we’ve been there.

As guests of this beautiful island, we savor the laid-back lifestyle with no expectation to rush anywhere. For us, Gabriola Island seems to have it all.

Commitment and Trust Issues - Do You Have Them?

2011-07-12T08:58:00.000-07:00

There is a quote: a wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe and leaves before she is left. Is she wise or does she have some commitment and trust issues?

What causes commitment and trust issues? Is it fear of abandonment or rejection? There could be many reasons – parents divorcing, being placed in foster care or someone you trusted let you down. Perhaps they lied or cheated on you. Or if your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse continually flirted with members of the opposite sex, kept secrets, went where you hadn't been invited, or was disrespectful of your feelings, it is difficult to give the next person your heart in trust and to feel fully committed to them. The thought at the back of your mind may be, can I really trust this person? If you can't, how can you make a commitment?

When you commit yourself, you make a pledge to someone to be loyal and to be dedicated to them. It is a conscious commitment to trust in them. Trust is a person's belief that their partner will keep promises made and it is a confidence in their relationship. Commitment and trust go hand-in-hand. Between the two a lasting foundation can be built. Without them, the relationship is likely to erode over time – they are a must in any relationship if it is able to survive.

In a committed relationship there must be the following:

- honesty – each person must be able to believe what their spouse is telling them, to know that they are being up front about everything, that no secrets are being kept or lies being told;
- put your partner first - before your work, golf, friends and your dog. Your children are a different entity, they should be put first by both of you;
- treat your partner with respect by how you talk to each other and about each other. There are so many little things that make up respect. This goes along with being considerate of your partner as well;
- communicate. This is so important. How many times have you gone to a restaurant only to see two people sitting having dinner with hardly a word passing between them;
- be open with each other. Don't be embarrassed to discuss anything. There should be no topics you cannot discuss with the person you love;
- treat your partner as your best friend – tell him/her your secrets and let them be the first person you phone when something exciting has happened. (My parents were best friends. I often saw my father as I was growing up, while in a group of people, look across at my mother with a special smile and a wink. He didn't even have to be standing beside her for them to be connected);
- support each other when work hasn't been going well, when a parent or child is ill or your partner is just feeling down and needs to be cheered up;
- continue to really love each other, and to show it, as much as the first day you felt you were really in love;
- and, trust each other – trust him/her to always be there for you as you would for them.

These things are all important. But even more crucial is picking the right person to hang your hat beside. It is so much easier to do all of the above, and to want to be committed, if the person is the right one for you and they feel equally committed. A few years ago, an acquaintance met someone that no one thought was right for her – they were like oil and water, constantly pushing each others buttons. It was a constant battlefield. After a lot of heartache, she eventually left and met a man very suitable for her and now has no problems with trust and being able to commit to her relationship. In fact they have now been together for seven years and say they love each other as much today as they did when they first realized how they felt. When you have that kind of relationship you will kiss and love, listen and believe and be together forever.

Mild Cognitive Impairment in Seniors

2011-07-12T08:54:00.000-07:00

Mild Cognitive Impairment, MCI, is a condition that may be a precursor to dementia. MCI is a form of cognitive impairment that usually features short-term memory loss without the loss of other cognitive functions.

Although it is not dementia, seniors with MCI have a higher risk, of approximately 10 – 15% per year, for converting to Alzheimer's disease or another dementia compared with seniors who do not have it. It is normal for the speed of mental processing and memory of names, etc. to decline with aging. But these normal changes do not affect a person's ability to function.

MCI is diagnosed when there is memory impairment but general cognitive and functional abilities are intact, does not have impaired judgment or reasoning and there are indications that there is an absence of dementia. Treatments are under investigation. In a trial test of 168 people, it was discovered that the three B vitamins, folic acid, vitamin B6 and vitamin B12 were found to cut the rate of brain shrinkage by up to 50%.

Starting interventions early can slow the decline. The following are things a person with MCI can do to lower their risk for developing a dementia:

- control your blood pressure. You may require blood pressure medication to keep it under control;
- maintain your cholesterol level. Medication may be required to do this also;
- control blood sugar levels. If you have been discovered to have diabetes, it is particularly important to monitor your blood sugar levels regularly;
- maintain your weight at a normal level and exercise regularly. Walking is an excellent form of exercise;
- limit alcohol intake to 5 drinks a week with never more than one drink in a day;
be conscious of your diet being sure to include plenty of vegetables, fruit and fish in your regular diet;
- get a sufficient amount of sleep;
- limit the use of sleeping pills and over the counter medications for things such as cold symptoms;
- try to keep stress to a minimum by avoiding stressful situations and practicing relaxation techniques such as meditation;
- do not smoke;
- protect your head, especially from repeated concussions. This can increase the risk factors for development of Alzheimer's disease and other dementia's as well as cognitive impairment.

Other ideas that will assist in being able to cope with MCI is to keep a daytimer with you at all times and write down important things such as phone numbers, addresses and appointments. It can even help when you are parking your car. When you get out, make a note in your daytimer of where your car is parked so you will be able to find it again with no trouble, And if you are always losing your keys, make sure to keep them in the same place each day.

Mild memory problems are typical of aging but MCI is a little more serious. If you suspect that you may be suffering from mild cognitive impairment, it is a good idea to see your doctor to get a diagnosis.

Age is Not a Number, It's an Attitude

2011-07-11T14:03:00.000-07:00

Do you base how old you are on the dates of the calendar? Or when you receive your old age pension check? Or do you believe age is all about attitude?

There are people I know who are ready to jump in to old age with both feet, quickly proclaiming that they're too old to do this or for that. As a result they look older than their age and they act even older. They have become sedentary, they seem to have lost interest in things and they're zest for living is gone. Why I wonder are they so quick to link arms with old age and welcome it as their long-lost friend.

But other people I know of the same age would never let the words, 'I'm too old' pass their happy, smiling lips. They continue to be active, have interests and their days are never long enough for them. Their zest for life is unlimited and they almost without exception look younger than their age.

I believe that old is an attitude and our attitudes are reflected in our behavior. Are we spontaneous and do we enjoy having fun? It is about being optimistic, positive, being able to effectively cope with what life throws our way and still be happy. Happiness is a decision. We can decide to be happy or we can decide that life is really just a barrel full of rotten apples and grumble our way through life. I read once that by the time a person reaches the age of fifty, they have got the face they deserve to have.

Part of a youthful attitude is enthusiasm, not somberness. It is having goals and a specific purpose in life. In order to stay young, we must not accept negative concepts on aging because this negativity will shape our attitude and our behavior. Life should be enjoyed in the moment. We should throw away all of our past anger and resentment and refuse to live in the past because the present is here to enjoy and the future will come soon enough. I hate to see Over the Hill decorations at a fortieth birthday – at forty we're still learning, we've barely begun our journey in life.

Socializing is important as well as having interests and hobbies. The art of staying young is being interested in learning new things, learning an instrument, taking a university course, spending time with younger friends and having an 'I can do it' type of attitude.

Do you enjoy doing some of the things your grandchildren like to do? If not, perhaps give it a try and they might begin calling you their cool grandparent. Being active, both physically and mentally, will increase your feelings of youthfulness and any ideas of being old will evaporate like a Scotch mist on a windy day – while you are on the beach flying your kite.

Adult Step Children - Love or Tolerance

2011-07-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

There are times when we may not be too fond of our own adult children. And we do not always like every adult we meet. So is it any wonder that immediate love may not come for our adult step children?

Many of the types of behavior I've noticed step parents have complained about of their step children, both younger and adult, are things that our own children may have done. The difference is that we are often much more willing to accept bad behavior in our own children than in our step children. Have your own children talked back to you, disobeyed the rules, ignored you or been disrespectful of you? But often if our step children do the same thing, we are less tolerant of them.

Love takes time to grow so expecting to feel immediate affection for our adult step children is not a realistic expectation. Developing bonds and creating relationships are necessary before love can be achieved any time.

Step parents are not obligated to love their step children. But learning to like them and to enjoy their company is a good beginning to a good relationship. The acts of love are more important than the feelings, i.e.: showing kindness, respect, fairness, acceptance and not judging them.

Also there's no doubt about it, some children, whether young or old, are just more loveable than others. And as adults, some of us are more approachable than others. The two go together. But I believe that as the older person, it is up to us to make the first loving approaches by extending a welcoming feeling, an open smile, an interest in them and maybe even cooking some of their favorite foods.

It is important to behave in an unselfish manner – be loving, or at least behaving in a loving manner, and expecting nothing in return. Get to know your adult step children, you can't love what you don't know. Have safe conversations about their interests, their work, what's happening with the economy, the weather or on anything that will not lead to conflict. If there are grandchildren, show an interest in them as well. Be patient. Building a relationship takes time and learning to care about your step children is no exception. The hope is to at least be able to initially tolerate them. It is extremely important not to show any dislike of them. After all, they are the children of the person you love.

During the initial getting-to-know period with your step children, it is important to develop your own couple relationship so you can discuss rationally with your partner how is the best way to handle certain situations. Working together is always easier than working alone. But it is also important not to make children feel excluded – you are now a family.

To best get along with adult step children, the bottom line is to behave in a caring way toward them, be tolerant, go slowly and be patient.

Delirium and the Elderly

2011-07-11T10:52:00.000-07:00

It is fairly common for elderly people to be affected by delirium and/or hallucinations. There may be an altered level of consciousness, inattention or disorganized thinking.

Two of the things you will notice if your elderly parent is suffering from delirium are sudden changes in behavior and their mental state. They may be hyper-alert, startle more easily or be overly sensitive to their surroundings. They can also become quite agitated or may wish to sleep for longer periods of time. They may be unable to follow a conversation or stay focused. Or their conversation may become incoherent. They may also have a decreased appetite or become incontinent. Becoming lost in places they know well is not unusual in this situation. They can experience disturbances in perception such as not understanding what is happening around them. They may not recognize familiar people. There may at times be paranoia or unrealistic fears and possibly emotional outbursts.

My mother, in her last couple of years, had several episodes of delirium and hallucinations. This is very frightening for the person experiencing them and it was also frightening for her family members, especially before we understood the reasons for them. There were several times where she saw people that were not there and carried on conversations with them. She would be adamant that the person existed and became very angry and disoriented when we tried to explain to her what was happening.

Some of the causes of delirium and/or hallucinations are:

- side effects and possible interactions of some medications;
pain;
- infections or severe illness (with my mother it always happened when she had a bladder infection which is extremely common with elderly women);
- oxygen levels;
- lack of sleep;
- effects from anesthetics;
- poor nutrition and/or lack of hydration.

If this should happen to your loved one, it is important that they receive medical treatment as soon as possible. These changes in the person are sudden and are not connected with dementia.

The following are some of the things you can do:

- call the person by name to get their response. Remind them of the day, time and where they are;
- keep sentences short and simple;
- let them know that they are being looked after and are safe;
- if the person wears glasses, make sure they are clean and being worn. This includes their hearing aides as well. These things help them to become orientated;
- try to control excessive noise and over-stimulation. This cannot always be the case, particularly if they are in a hospital environment;
- ensure that dentures are in and that they eat regularly and drink fluids frequently;
- ensure that treatment for the cause of delirium is being treated and followed up on.

Recovery time may vary from days to several weeks or longer depending on the cause of the delirium. Comfort measures are important for the patient as well as having the support of family and friends nearby.

Adult Stepchildren - What is Within Our Control and What Isn't in a Step Family Relationship?

2011-07-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

There are many situations in families that will make a difference in our ability to be a successful step parent - ones that we have no control over. But there are also things we can do to improve our step parent relationships.

The following is a list of things that will make a difference in a step family situation that have nothing to do with the new step parent but will have an affect on his or her ability to successfully be a step parent:

- How did the biological parent get along with his/her children before you came on the scene?
If there was not a close family relationship before you, it will not improve by adding a new person to the mix. If the children already feel their parent did not spend enough time with them or was not interested in them to the extent they wanted, there may be resentment that his/her time will now be reduced by the time he/she spends with a new husband or wife. In this case, it will be important to encourage your spouse to spend sufficient time with his children to hopefully avoid any resentment in this respect.
- How long has he or she been divorced or widowed?
If it is recent, there very likely will be resentment because of loyalty to the other parent. And no matter what you may do to try and win their approval, it will be an uphill battle and one you will not likely win without a lot of patience. It may be necessary to delay marriage to give the children time to adjust to having a new person in their lives.
- Are you the new stepmother or step-father?
This will make a difference as step-fathers are more readily accepted than stepmothers. Although this can also depend upon the gender of the children and how closely that child related to their same sex parent, i.e.: a son may not be as accepting of a step-father if he has a close relationship with his own father. The same is true of a daughter if she has a close relationship with her own mother.
- What is the relationship between the two biological parents? Is it an amicable one or rife with tension?
If the two parents don't get along, the feelings of friction can be passed on to the children which will affect their relationship with a step parent. It is pretty hard for a step parent to counteract effects of negativity. It will be important to not appear to take sides - remain neutral and do not take it personal.
- How dependent both financially and emotionally are the stepchildren on their biological parent?
Adult children may see the new person in their parent's life as a threat to their emotional well-being and a possible end to their financial stability. Both losses can create resentment of the new person in adult stepchildren. In this situation, the biological parent should have a talk with the children before a remarriage to allay their fears.
- Has the biological parent included his adult children in his plans to remarry and assured them of his/her continued love?
If this has not been done and a new person is thrown into their life without any prior warning or previous meetings and a getting-to-know period, it will be difficult for the step parent as there is sure to be some resentment. Try to get to know the children beforehand, if possible at fun events.
- How far removed from the parental home are the adult children, i.e.: are they living away, going to college, married with children or still living at home?
For those living at home it will be a different situation than those living away. Those who are married may be more established in their own lives so what happens in mom or dad's life might not have quite the same impact on their lives. Communication will be the key.
- Are they a normally healthy and well-functioning family?
This is important. If the family never did function well together, there will be difficulties. Adding an extra, unknown person to a family already having problems will just add to the chaos. It is almost impossible to fix a dysfunctional family as the step parent. It is probably a situation best avoided.
- Are there grandchildren involved? Are you a much younger wife with young children of your own?
If you are, there may likely be resentment from the adult children if they perceive that their parent is giving your children more attention than they feel should be warranted if the grandchildren are being deprived of their grandparent's affection. This will be especially true if more attention had been paid to the grandchildren before your arrival on the scene than after? If this is the case, encourage your partner to spend time with the grandchildren or include them in your own family outings.

All of the above examples will have a big bearing on how the step family will function as a unit before you even begin to try to establish relationships with the adult stepchildren. The best strategy is to attempt to have positive interaction with the adult stepchildren, don't take on the role of stepparent, be friendly, open and definitely do not be pushy. Let them determine the level of involvement they wish to have until they get to know you. If friendship with an adult stepchild can be established, it is a big step towards a cohesive step family situation.

How to Cope With Grief

2011-06-27T13:56:00.000-07:00

Grief is a reaction to loss, an emotional response. There are many different forms of grief. Some responses may even include laughter and celebration as well as sadness.

Crying and talking abut a loss are healthy responses. However, lack of crying does not indicate there is no grief. It can indicate resilience where a relatively stable demeanor is maintained with healthy level of positive emotions. This does not indicate that this person feels their loss any less, only that they have a different method of coping.

When grief responses have been more in evidence, possibly following a temporary period of depression, in most cases recovery will gradually return to previous levels. Chronic dysfunction is a prolonged inability to function and sometimes delayed grief symptoms can appear months after an apparently normal adjustment to a loss.

The five stages of grief as described by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But each person will respond differently to grief depending upon the situation. Some may not experience the five stages and may only feel initial denial and perhaps extreme fatigue until there is acceptance. There may also be feelings of injustice and anger that life around you continues to go on when you have suffered such a devastating loss.

What can be done to help cope with feelings of the loss of a loved one? The following are some ideas:

- spend time with caring people;
- express your feelings;
- accept that there will be changes;
- take care of your health;
- return to previous interests;
- postpone making any major life changes, possibly waiting a year or so;
- if necessary contact a community organization for help;
- acknowledge the pain of your loss, don't shove it to the back of your mind and ignore its existence;
- let yourself cry;
- talk about the loss of your loved one even if you get emotional;
- exercise – physical activity is a good way to release tension;
- have a hot bath, read a good book, eat your favorite foods, get a massage, have a nap or go to a movie with a friend;
- do something to honor the memory of your loved one – perhaps plant a tree in his or her honor or place a bench in their favorite area;
- join a support group;
- avoid excessive alcohol – it can be a depressant;
- don't blame yourself for things you think you should have done or said and didn't.

Depression is often part of the grieving process. However lingering depression is not considered normal. If it continues or affects daily life, consult your doctor because untreated depression can lead to other serious psychological disorders.

I have lost both of my parents. My father died when he was still relatively young. He was not ready to go and I was not ready to let him go. I found his loss very difficult to deal with. As such I was in denial for a very long time. I was unable to talk about him without crying so I didn't, shoving it to the back of my mind instead. It was a mistake because acceptance was a long time coming. Besides having four small children, the youngest two months old when he died, I also didn't have the maturity to cope with his loss.

My mother died recently at ninety years of age. She wanted to go, she had been unhappy with her poor health and her inability to do things for herself. And although I feel her loss very strongly and am unhappy that I no longer have my mother, I am happy for her because she no longer has to suffer. She has gone to join my father where she wants to be. I now have better coping skills than I had in my early twenties so I can accept her loss more easily than I could when I was less mature. And my mother had lived a good, full life.

But we are all different. We will look at things differently and have different perspectives depending on where we are in our own life cycle. In some cases losing a parent when we ourselves are getting older may force us to look at our own mortality. Or we can accept the fact that this is the cycle of life and nothing is going to change it.

What to Do as an Executor of a Will

2011-06-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

When a loved one dies and you have been named Executor of the Will, there are many things to be considered. Duties of an Executor generally take about one year for a straight forward estate but if assets turn up even years later, the Executor is still responsible.

The following are some of the things you will need to know if you are an Executor of a Will:

- Is a handwritten Will valid?
Some provinces in Canada allow a handwritten Will even if it has not been witnessed.
- What is a Probate?
A Probate is a legal court procedure to determine the Will's validity and to confirm an Executor's appointment as well as assess assets of an estate.
- Do all Wills have to be probated?
Probate will depend on the amount and nature of the assets, the number and nature of beneficiaries and the agencies or financial institutions that hold the assets. An asset that doesn't have to go through probate is land owned in joint tenancy with another person. (If this is the case an application will have to be filed in Land Titles along with a death certificate). Probate isn't required for joint bank accounts or vehicles owned jointly either. A death certificate is required however to transfer ownership to the surviving joint owner. Also RRSP's or insurance policies with a named beneficiary don't require probate. However, usually stocks and bonds will need to go through probate.
- Are there Probate fees?
An example of probate fees are: an estate valued at under $10,000.00 will cost about $25.00; for an estate over $25,000.00 but not more than $125,000.00, the cost will be about $200.00.
- What are death benefits?
It is money due beneficiaries from such plans as in Canada the federal Canada Pension Plan or Old Age Security, private company pension plans, unions and organizations such as the Masons. There may be more plans where there could be death benefits and it would be the Executor's responsibility to find them.
- What about the deceased person's income tax?
All income tax requirements must be filed and paid before disbursements of assets can be made.

The following are some of the duties of an Executor:

- to make funeral arrangements;
- cancel all charge cards, notify banks and contact all pension plans;
- to gather up and prepare a detailed inventory of all assets, i.e.: cash, securities, jewelery, real estate and contents of a safety deposit box;
- to determine debts owed and pay them;
- prepare and submit any necessary probate documents to the court;
- contact all beneficiaries then distribute assets between them after debts and probate costs have been dealt with. It will be necessary to obtain releases from each beneficiary.

Being an Executor to a Will is a responsibility that cannot be taken lightly. Those chosen to act in the capacity of Executor must be honest, impartial and scrupulous. And the deceased person probably chose you knowing that you could look after their interests on their behalf.

Writing a Eulogy for Your Loved One

2011-06-22T18:17:00.000-07:00

Speaking about a loved one at a funeral or a Celebration of Life is one of the most difficult things many of us will face. Our emotions are already shredded with the loss of someone close to us to the point where we can hardly think. How can we write a Eulogy too?

I recently wrote a eulogy when my mother died although I initially had no idea where to begin. The best thing to do is speak from your heart. Eulogies are about the memories of that person and your shared personal experiences. It is an opportunity to reminisce and say why this special person was well-loved and will be missed by you and others.

A eulogy can be serious but including some humorous anecdotes will lighten an otherwise solemn occasion. It is okay if those gathered smile, or if they cry and it's natural if you do too. No one will hold it against you.

The following are some ideas to help you write a eulogy for your loved one:

- develop a theme, perhaps talk about one aspect of your loved one's life, i.e.: the good times you shared;
- mention a particular situation;
- mention something that he or she was passionate about;
- try to make it inspiring, praise him/her;
- include quotes and memories from his/her closest friends and relatives;
- mention memorable events and share a story;
- say why you will miss him/her and what you will never forget;
- suitable quotations, poems or bible readings can be included;
- mention how he/she affected others;
- talk about his/her interests and achievements;
- write your eulogy in chronological order.

Paint a picture of words of your loved one so that those present will feel his or her presence. At the reception following the service a friend of mine said she could almost feel my mother's presence. I told her she probably was there and reminded her that even at ninety my mother hated to miss a party.

At the end of your eulogy try to end it with something thoughtful and heartfelt. I ended my eulogy with, 'Thank you to all of you who had been her friend. She was my mother but she had also been my friend and I will miss her too.' A friend added at the end of her eulogy, 'An old Indian legend says that 'no one ever dies as long as one person is left to speak his/her name.' You will continue to live through your family and friends.'

And a quote from Dr. Seuss, 'Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.'

Funeral Services and Celebrations of Life

2011-06-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

There are many ways of having a service following the loss of a loved one. They can be small Celebrations of Life held in a family member's home, a quiet memorial or a more formal funeral service held in a chapel.

The Celebrations of Life and the quiet memorials usually follow a cremation. When there is an interment, there is usually more formality. Fifteen years before my mother passed, she had made arrangements, including what she wanted written on her tombstone, and including paying for a large portion of her service. This made the decisions that I had to make, as her Executor, much easier. She had even decided on the funeral home where she wanted her service held.

By going the route we did, they took care of everything with the only decision to be made was relating to the food at the reception following and procuring and meeting with a Pastor for the service. He did a wonderful job of making what could have been a very solemn and mournful occasion into one we know our mother would have wanted. He allowed us to have songs from the Sound of Music movie played instead of the usual music that usually completely undoes most people.

For some, this may be a difficult area depending on the religious level of the family but particularly on the religious or non-religious beliefs of the deceased. We are a spiritual family but not regular church-goers so we asked for a service that was not heavy on religion. The Pastor struck a wonderful happy medium. His meditation was A Life Worth Remembering, Proverbs 31:10-31 and the two hymns were I Come to the Garden Alone and Amazing Grace as well as my mother's favorite music. And a couple of Eulogies were given to honor her followed by a reception and a graveside service attended by the family.

This type of service was my mother's choice but for many it will not be an option. There is a huge cost both emotionally and financially in going this route. A quiet memorial held in someone's home is gaining in popularity following a cremation. There is often some speeches and a lot of reminiscing about the departed person. The cost is not exorbitant and emotional strings are not being pulled when decisions are required to be made and guilt placed on the family members to have a nice service for their lost loved one. Fortunately this was not the case with my mother but in most cases, this is not so.

A Celebration of Life is not for mourning a death, it is to happily remember that person. It is a good opportunity to make suggestions of how to keep the memory of your loved one alive. In our family, we have decided that every year we will continue to have a birthday celebration on our mother's birthday. Each year her birthday celebration was a day she eagerly looked forward to more than any other day of the year. We will continue to honor this for her.

Although most of the decisions had been made by our mother, the ones we had to make were made with the knowledge of what we knew she would have wished. It was the last thing we could do for our mother as we said goodbye to her for the last time.

The Loss of a Parent is One of Life's Great Tragedies

2011-06-20T16:56:00.000-07:00

The loss of a parent is traumatic. It is the end of a large segment of ones life. It means that the one person we can count on to love us without judgment or reservation is no longer there.

Losing a parent is a blow to the psyche. There is no longer a parent to go home to especially if we have lost both of our parents. There is no one to ask, 'What was I like when I was six years old? Does my son/daughter look like me at this age? What were you like when you were my age?” There are so many questions to ask and no one to answer them. And when we lose both parents,the generation that came before us is no longer living and we become the oldest. We are then expected to be wise and to make good decisions. We are forced then to contemplate our own mortality.

When our parents die, it is inevitable that there will be devastation. This bond, which is one of the strongest there is, has been severed by death. They are gone forever and there is no return. No matter our age, even if we're older when we lose our parent/parents, our grief will not be diminished by our age. I know this to be true because I have recently lost my mother.

Losing a loved one can take an emotional as well as a physical toll. It will be important to lighten your workload, get a lot of rest, eat adequately and take care of yourself. As I sat by the bedside of my mother in her final days, and following her loss, I felt completely drained. As her executor, I handled all the necessary details. But because I have always had an abundance of energy, I was surprised at my extreme feelings of exhaustion during all of this. I realized following the loss of my mother that I was not only losing my parent but my friend and adviser as well.

When we lose a parent, we may feel shock, anger, guilt or denial. When I lost my father many years ago, he was a relatively young man so I had feelings of anger because I felt it was unfair that he would die when he still had so much to live for. I felt guilt because I didn't feel that I had told him that I loved him often enough. And after he died I felt denial and was unable to talk about my loss for years without crying. Acceptance was difficult to achieve for a very long time where my father was concerned.

When my mother died two weeks ago, she was almost ninety-one years old. She had many years to do the things she wanted to do and she was ready to go. Because of that I felt no anger, nor guilt. I'd had many years to show her how I felt about her. I did however feel shock at the sudden failure of her health but at this age it should not have been completely unexpected.

I realize now when I think about how I have handled the loss of each of my parents that coping with grief depends somewhat on your personality, your coping abilities, life experiences and, I believe, particularly on your maturity.

But tears do not mean you are not handling your loss well. As the Pastor who looked after my mother's service said as I tried to control my tears, 'There is nothing wrong with crying. Tears help to wash the grief away.' And with that will come acceptance.

Losing a Parent

2011-06-19T15:06:00.000-07:00

Even when we expect the inevitable with an aged parent, the shock is no less. Even when we think we have asked all the questions we would need to know to carry on and continue our family heritage, we haven't. Two weeks ago I lost my mother. She was ready to go but it doesn't make it hurt less. A few weeks ago she said that she thought He must have forgotten her name because he had not called her home. She said, 'I'm ready to go."

I was very saddened by her wish to leave her family. My brother disagreed with me. He said, had she been in her 50's, 60's or even 70's, he would have agreed but at almost ninety-one years of age, she had lived a good life and she had the right to go if she chose. Put that way, I guess I have to agree too. Everything was difficult for her - even going to the bathroom was an ordeal as was getting ready for bed. She kept saying she was 'so tired' and yet it was us who continued to cling.

Having been told that she had gone into kidney failure, with no prior warning, she lasted five days. Her family kept a constant vigil by her bedside and there were often four generations clustered around her bed. At times she made an effort to communicate, at other times she seemed content to know we were all there. In those final days she must have been aware of the love surrounding her. My eight year old grandson lay his hand on hers and told her he would miss her. Those were the last words he spoke to her. My two year old granddaughter, who is named after her great grandmother, said, 'I love you Granny' and she summoned the strength to pass words of love on to the child.

She has gone home to be with my father and they are probably sitting again with their chairs parked beside each other, holding hands as they did so often in life.

Single Parents - Dating Again

2011-05-24T17:09:00.000-07:00

Dating as a newly single parent is not as simple as dating when you are single and have no children. As a parent, what you do affects not only yourself but your children as well.

What should you consideration before you make the decision to begin dating again?

- Initially seek new friends, male or female, not dates. New friends will enrich both your children's, as well as your own life, with new activities and experiences.
- Keep your married friends as well as increase your single friends.
- Enjoy your children and take the opportunity to do more things as a family to help your children through the loss of their parent not being there. It is important to put your children first.
- When you make plans with old and new friends, do some things on your own but include your children in many of your activities so they don't feel abandoned.
- Keep communication open with your children. Before you begin to date again, prepare your children and explain to them that when people are adults, they like to have friends of the opposite sex.
- Before you begin dating, know what you want. And have a very clear idea of what you don't want, i.e.: someone who drinks too much or smokes, etc.
- Enter the dating scene slowly. Don't jump into a new relationship; take time to enjoy time spent by yourself and with your children.
- Don't be desperate and attach yourself to another relationship that may not be good for yourself or your children. Finding another mate doesn't have to be, and shouldn't be, the first thing on your to do list.
- Don't start dating for the wrong reasons, i.e.: your friends have bullied you into it, your ex spouse is dating or because you want to show others how attractive you are.
- Don't bring a new person home to meet your children unless you feel it will be a serious relationship. Bringing home a series of new people will confuse your children.
- Before introducing anyone new to your children, make sure you know a lot about them and preferably have met their friends.
- When you do decide to introduce a new person to your children, to so as a friend first. Let children get to know the new person and feel comfortable with them before there are sleepovers.
- Be patient and let your children warm up to the new person.
- Although it is good to listen to your heart, it's important also to listen to your brain and make sure that common sense takes precedence.
- Don't view someone you've met with star-struck eyes – consider whether this person is a good fit in your family and not someone to replace feelings of loneliness. Having a new person in your life is not necessarily a prescription for happiness. Happiness has to come from within.
- When bringing someone into your life, as a parent it will be important that he/she truly likes children, is kind, patient and has no anger issues.
- A new someone in your life should not discipline your children.

Although it is not easy to date as a single parent, by being patient and weeding through the unsuitable and having common sense, there is a good chance of finding the perfect match for you and your children.

How to Promote Happiness Within Your Family

2011-05-23T12:17:00.000-07:00

Being close to your family is a unique feeling. It is the type of closeness that you can't get from anyone else. In a healthy, stable family, this feeling translates into a happiness, contentment and a feeling of security that can't be duplicated in other relationships.

How can you have this type of family happiness if you don't already have it in your family?

- Communicate, talk together, be interested in what matters to others in your family, share feelings and thoughts, and really listen to what others in your family have to say;
- Patience – treat family members with the same consideration you would a friend;
- Be happy with yourself and content with your life and these feelings will pass to other members of your family, share the happiness you feel;
- Enjoy your family in the moment, not later when you have more time (sometimes there isn't a later time, there's always just a busy time and then children have grown up and gone). Family should be a number one priority;
- Enjoy fun things together and make exciting plans together for the future, i.e.: an outing, a family event or a vacation;
- Give each other their personal space;
- It is more important to give family members your time and undivided attention than it is to shower them with toys and other gifts;
- Eat dinner together. It is a perfect time to talk and stay in touch with what each person in the family is doing;
- Look at life as a cup being half full and it will help your family do so also;
- Feel grateful for what you have and avoid resentment and negativity at all costs;
- Be positive, smile often and make laughter a common occurrence in your family;
- Do things together as a family – fun things. Or maybe do something together as a family for others too, i.e.: keep a portion of a street clean, pick up garbage at your local beach, help an elderly neighbor, or give socks or mitts to the homeless when the weather turns cold. There are so many things that can be done and it is a perfect opportunity for a family to plan something to do together;
- Think, as a family, about the things that are important in life, i.e.: more about our environment and less about materialism. Does having a bigger house or a newer car make us happier? Happiness doesn't lie with more and better things. Happiness is family and friends and living a life we can look back on and be proud about.

I am very fortunate to have a close family who enjoy the company of each other. We socialize and although we are family, we are also friends. Becoming friends with your family will also help to promote happiness.

The Power of a Smile

2011-05-03T09:05:00.000-07:00

A smile is so simple but it can mean so much to both yourself and to others. It can light up a room and make others feel they have found a friend.

Smiles show pleasure, happiness, amusement and humor. But smiles are also welcoming and friendly. Some smiles touch only the mouth but a sincere smile will reach the eyes.

When we smile we are more attractive and we stand out from those who are not smiling. It reduces our stress level and improves our health. Others are attracted and drawn to those who smile. Smiling elevates our moods, boosts our immune system, lowers our blood pressure, releases endorphins within our bodies, makes us look younger and helps us to stay positive. Smiling makes us more approachable and more optimistic. Smiles, like laughter, are contagious.

A smile can mean the world to a lonely person, to one with low self-esteem or little confidence and to someone who is feeling sad or depressed. A smile is powerful. It can make someone else feel happier and feel good about themselves. You can smile at strangers you meet on transit, while shopping, when you visit the doctor or dentist or anywhere else you go.

To encourage your own smiles, think about the things that make you smile. Are they the antics of your children, the laughter of your grandchildren, a wink from your spouse, rocky road ice cream, sushi, dancing with someone special, the sun shining, a rainbow, crocuses poking their heads above the earth in early spring, a dog wagging its tail or a job well done?

The expression, fake it until you make it, could also apply to smiling. If you don't feel like smiling, smile anyway. But the more we smile, the more we feel that we genuinely want to smile. And the more we smile, the better we feel. The better we feel, the better those around us will feel. Therefore, it's easy to see that our smiles can create a domino effect.

Smiling also leads to thinking positively and a smile is a short hop away from laughter. Laughing is good for the heart, and like a smile is a pain and stress reliever. It is beneficial to the lungs, boosts immunity and because it is energizing, it can burn calories. Optimists smile more often than do pessimists. And optimists have better health. According to a recent study, a smile gives the same level of stimulation as eating 2,000 chocolate bars but is much better for the waistline. And when we smile, our voices sound warmer and more welcoming, making us more approachable.

A smile is recognized the world over and often no words are necessary when a person smiles in friendship. When you go about your day, remember the power of a smile.

Caring for Elderly Parents

2011-04-25T09:21:00.000-07:00

Caring for elderly parents can sometimes be daunting. As the adult child you may have feelings of guilt. The added difficulty is you are usually looking after a parent who fears losing his or her independence.

Losing their independence is the most difficult thing elderly people face but as our parents age, the likelihood of this becomes greater. Often they have problems being able to meet their daily needs because of diminished abilities and their failing health. They may also need to be protected so they don't hurt themselves. Examples of this are: issues relating to the stove, i.e.: leaving a pot cooking on the hot stove, leaving a tea towel too close to the elements, or leaving an empty pan on a hot element to dry, as my mother did.

Severe problems with memory can cause other concerns for adult children. With my mother, remembering to take her medications were a concern. Phoning to remind her did not guarantee that she actually took them. Forgetting appointments can sometimes be problematic as well. Another issue that concerned me with my mother was her tendency to tell too much to phone canvassers. She also tended to send checks off to anyone who asked for money. Also of concern was her growing inability to pay her bills and keep her accounts, or even her mail, organized.

Losing their ability to safely drive hugely affects a senior's sense of independence and can often become a battle between elderly parents and their adult children. My mother, fortunately, was aware when she was unable to drive in the evenings and limited herself. She would have been a danger, not only to herself, but to others as well. She was told by medical professionals when she was unable to drive during the day. She accepted it from them whereas she would not have from her family. However, this was a huge blow to her independence. She began going downhill from there because she had always prided herself on being an independent person.

Although assisted living is a wonderful alternative for those who are unable to care for themselves, it is still another step towards losing their independence. It signifies another indication of loss of control over their own environment. Most seniors would prefer to remain in their own homes. But for many this is not feasible. Very often living with their families is not an option either. For my own mother, getting up and down my stairs became increasingly difficult for her.

Often elderly parents will not be happy with the switch in roles as adult children become, by necessity, the caregivers of their parents, depending on the amount of care required. My mother, in assisted living, enjoys my role of taking her to all of her appointments, shopping for her, doing her banking, her dishes and having lunch out occasionally.

In many families, it is one child who will shoulder most of the responsibility for the elderly parent and in many cases it is the daughters who are the caregivers. In a recent study it was discovered that in 41 percent of the cases, one of the adult children is responsible and in 3 percent of the cases, there is equal contribution between the siblings. In some cases it is proximity and other times it is willingness or availability.

Sometimes elderly parents can be very demanding and as a result adult children have feelings of guilt that they never seem to be doing enough. The question then is 'what are you reasonably able to do for your parent without neglecting other members of your family?' It is important to strike a balance without feelings of guilt. And in some cases it may be important to insist that other siblings step up and help with elderly parents if one person is having the majority of the responsibility and is making all of the sacrifices.

As parents age, it becomes increasingly difficult for both the elderly parent as well as for the adult child. And although we love our parents, it is not advisable to neglect the rest of our family, or our own health, to care for them. Some of the options are to encourage other family members to help or to look into assisted living accommodations.

Games to Play at a Housewarming Party

2011-04-25T09:18:00.000-07:00

Housewarming parties are fun occasions but add a few games to the mix and you've got an evening that will be remembered by all of your guests for a long time. The following ideas are some of the games that can be played at your party:

Start the evening out by handing each of your guests, when they arrive, a number which will be used for picking a winner for the door prize. Then put the same numbers into a bowl or bucket and later in the evening have someone pick the winning number. The prize can be a serious gift or a gag gift. The prize can be decided upon based on your guest list. Are they the serious sort or do they like the goofy things in life?
Do your own version of Scrabble. Give each guest paper and pencils and using the word housewarming, have them write as many words as they can using only those letters. The one who completes the most correct words in the allotted time is the winner. Give a prize for perhaps the first and the second winners of the game.
On 8 1/2” x 11” pieces of paper, draw pictures of houses and number them and then place them haphazardly on the floor in one room. Put the corresponding numbers into a bowl or a bucket and play some music. When you stop the music, pick a number and whoever is standing on the picture with that number will win the musical houses game. This can be done several times but be sure to remove the numbered houses on the floor as each number has been used. Winners will receive prizes.
Another version of this could be a cake walk. Using the numbered houses and the music again, when a number is called, the person standing on the numbered house could be the winner of a cake. This gives you the opportunity to show off your expertise as a cake baker.
If you really want to go all out with the prizes, have a lucky dip. Place papers into a bowl or bucket that have prize items listed on each slip. As each guest draws out a paper, give them the prize that is written on the paper. Prizes can be silly or serious. They can be things like matches, a child's birthday cake candle, assorted things that can be purchased at the looney store and perhaps one better than the others type of prize. It will all be the luck of the draw but your guests will have a good time hoping they are the one that gets that best prize.
Having a murder mystery game is another fun thing to do when there is a group of people. The host will explain the game and relate how and where the murder took place, i.e.: the victim was shot on a downtown street at 1:00 a.m. Then the host will have all guests close their eyes. The host will then tap the murderer once on the shoulder. The police inspector will be told ahead of time who he will be. All the other guests are suspects. The police inspector will question each of the suspects to determine who is the guilty person. Each suspect will have to try to allay any suspicions of the police inspector. The murderer can try to make someone else look guilty.
Try renting a karaoke machine and everyone can pretend they are their favorite singer.
If weather permits, take your guests out into your new backyard and play some games, i.e.: bocci ball, croquet, etc.

What better way to welcome friends to your home? And it's a great way to meet your new neighbors too. Plan your party and laugh with your guests.

The Benefits of Honey

2011-04-25T09:12:00.000-07:00

Honey, particularly if it is in its purest form, can help with many diseases. But even pasteurized honey can be used as a general health benefit. It is something that should be in everyone's diet.

Honey will not spoil or rot although often when it crystallizes, some think it is no longer good. By placing it in hot water, it will liquidize. Honey also will have no side effects. It has been discovered to reduce the cholesterol in the arteries and offers relief for those who have difficulty breathing while strengthening their heart. As people age, honey, especially if mixed with cinnamon, will help to revitalize and energize them.

Arthritis patients who have taken honey daily have discovered that their pain has been relieved and mobility restored. When used in a tea, it will assist with bladder infections too. Honey also helps those suffering from colds. It clears the sinuses and I discovered that daily use of honey has almost eliminated the numerous colds I used to be subject to each year.

A combination of honey and cinnamon powder also strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacteria and viral attacks. Scientists have found that honey has various vitamins and iron in large amounts. Regular use of honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles that fight bacteria.

Recent studies have shown that honey helps body strength. Studies indicate that senior citizens who use honey and cinnamon powder are more alert and flexible. If taken in the morning in hot water and again in the afternoon when energy decreases, will improve the body's vitality in about a week.

It has also been indicated that honey, and especially when taken in combination with cinnamon powder on a daily basis will increase general overall health as well as improving the condition of the skin.

In the last year that I have used honey on a daily basis, I've noticed the difference in my skin, my energy level and that I have managed to avoid having colds even though I spend a lot of time with children.

Games to Play at Get-Togethers

2011-04-22T20:58:00.000-07:00

There are many games to play at parties and get-togethers. Some are specifically oriented to couples but all are definitely guaranteed to be great at encouraging people to mingle within a group. This is especially true if some are strangers to each other. I have used several of the the following games at my own parties and everyone always enjoys them.

- Write the names of famous couples and when guests arrive, attach one name to the back of each person. Each guest can ask other guests yes or no questions in an attempt to guess the name of the person on their back.
- Each person writes down ten things that their partner particularly loves, would like to do, or hates and then have the opposite partner say whether the list is correct or not. The couple with the most matches wins.
- When guests arrive, each person is given a name tag and each guest can ask others questions, hoping for a no answer. If they get a no answer, they can take their name tag. The one who ends the evening with the most name tags wins.
- Limbo is always a good game. Two people hold a pole and guests try to go under it by bending backwards. After each guest has gone under the pole, it can continue to be lowered until there is only one person remaining who is still able to go under the pole.
- A hula hoop competition is another fun game. Who of your guests can do it the longest?
- Each guest gets a turn to think of the name of a famous person while other guests ask questions that will only have yes or no answers as they try to guess who the famous person might be.
- Make up a list of scruple-type questions to ask your guests. It quickly becomes clear what each person's beliefs are. Some examples are: a) Would you let your teenage daughter's boyfriend sleep overnight in her room? b) Would you smoke pot with your teenager? c) Would you lie to your best friend? d) Would you pretend to be sick so you could take the day off from work? e) If you were given too much change by a cashier, would you give it back? f) Do you blame other people for your mistakes? g) Would you offer to help someone move even if they hadn't asked you to assist them? h) Would you drink and drive?
- Blindfold each of the men in the group and have them touch each of the women guest's hands until they have been able to identify the hands of their partner. Another variety of the same game would be to have each man identify his partner's legs, if only the legs can be seen, i.e.: the women hide behind a curtain with only their legs visible.
- Interactive Wii is always fun too.
- There are several word board games available too. We have one we play often and it is always good entertainment.

I have used several of these games at get-togethers. Most of them encourage people to interact and they make laughter a large part of the evening. Try some of the games at your next get-together and I know you'll have fun.

Family Fun With Games

2011-04-22T20:52:00.000-07:00

Playing games together is not only fun but it is a good means for families to create a tight bond and establish long lasting memories. Having a family game night encourages communication while having fun.

When having a family game night, plan a special dinner beforehand and possibly pick a different family member's favorite recipe each time. And while games are being played, provide finger-food treats such as suitable appetizers, chips, dip and nibblers.

Also, when planning a game night with family, it will be important to pick games appropriate to the age of any children that may be attending. If there is a big range in ages, it is a good idea to play games that young children will be interested in and then play games that are suitable for those who are older after the younger ones are in bed.

Some of the games that young children enjoy are memory card games, matching card games, board games that encourage early math learning in a fun way, as well as early reading cards that are in a game format. Another game children like is Statues. Play some music suitable for children and periodically stop it, having children freeze and become statues when the music stops.

For older children, and the adults in the family, there are such games as Sorry, Operation, Pictionary, Concentration, Go Fish and Balderdash. The game of Balderdash is a particular favorite for my family and we always enjoy a lot of laughs when we play it.

For those who want to get up and be active, there is Twister, Charades and Wii interaction games. And for those who want to test their brain skills, include such games as Trivial Pursuit, Scrabble, Clue, Jenga, Scattegories, Yahtzee, Uno and Rummoli. There are a lot of card games also that are a lot of fun such as Hearts. Hearts is another one of our favorite games to play as a family.

When the weather is nice, there are outdoor games that can be played together as a family which can include even the young children. These can be ones such as Bocci Ball, Croquet and Badminton. Another idea is to get a game of scrub baseball together if your family is large enough or organize your own sports day and have challenging racing competitions. Some of these races could include carrying an egg on a spoon, the three-legged race, hopping with a ball between your knees or relays, if you have a large family group.

Having family game nights encourages family communication and closeness that will increase as the children grow older. Most of our game nights follow dinners for birthdays or in the evening on New Years Day. Another popular time for us to play family games is when we have our annual family vacations which usually includes several family groups within the family. The children in the family look forward to our game nights.

How Reading to a Young Child Helps Development

2011-04-21T13:16:00.000-07:00

A child's learning potential can be enhanced by making books a large part of their life. By introducing books to children at a young age, it increases their aptitude for learning as well as having many other benefits.

Studies have shown that children who have been read to early in their lives will do better in their formal education than those children who have not had this advantage. It also assists young children with their basic speaking skills and vocabulary. They learn skills that assist them in being able to communicate better at an earlier age than their counterparts.

Children who have been read to at an early age are also better able to grasp abstract concepts, apply logic to situations in their lives and recognize cause and affect. It helps them also to be able to adapt to new experiences in their lives. By sitting and reading, they also learn self-discipline and the ability to be able to concentrate. It helps children with their attention span and expands their memories. It also builds listening skills and fuels their imagination. Children also learn about other people through reading.

I have witnessed all of this with my two and a half year old granddaughter. Her parents began reading to her and showing her words with accompanying pictures when she was barely six months old. She is now able to read many of her books herself. This has created an interest for her in other things that she is able to do well above her age such as being able to count up to forty. Being read to at an early age creates a love of reading and learning in children. A study done recently indicated that children who were read to at a very young age increased their vocabulary by forty percent over those who were not.

It is also an ideal opportunity for children and parents to spend time together, to bond and to have fun. This has definitely been the case for my son and daughter-in-law. When children have the intimacy of having their parents read to them, it encourages a positive attitude towards reading. And it calms small children because it is a peaceful, quiet time. For this reason, reading before bedtime is particularly good.

It is important to choose books that are appropriate to the child's age. One of the benefits of books are that they can be used to prepare children for changes in their lives, i.e.: potty training, going to kindergarten, and issues relating to playing with other children.

With the many benefits of making books a large part of your young child's life, they also open up the doors to conversations you can have with your child on many topics. The result will be not only a child who has an interest in reading but one with a close bond to his/her parents.

How to Appreciate the Simple Pleasures of Life

2011-04-19T16:49:00.000-07:00

Spring brings to mind simple pleasures. There are the first buds of spring shimmering with iridescent color on the trees, cherry blossoms like masses of cotton candy and colorful blooms showing their faces above the earth. With simple pleasures such as these, it brings to mind the many other pleasures in life we may fail to appreciate.

As we go through life, we sometimes tend to focus on the negatives and on what isn't going well instead of looking at what we have to be grateful for in our lives. For those who see their cup as half empty, the following is a list of things to appreciate that those whose cup is half full see, feel and hear everyday:

- seeing your child or grandchild's smile or hearing their happy giggles;
- receiving a smile from a passing stranger;
- feeling a small hand being placed trustingly in yours;
- having your child or grandchild cuddle beside you while you watch a movie together;
- having coffee with a friend and enjoying a chat together;
- taking a walk through a park and listening to the happy singing of the birds as they flutter from tree to tree;
- listening to the bubbling sounds of a creek;
- watching waves wash up onto the shore;
- listening to the happy sounds of children when you walk past a playground;
- being able to get up out of bed each morning;
- viewing buttercups in a field of grass;
- looking up to see the blue sky and the sun shining brightly;
- being warm, snug inside, when it is cold outside;
- building a snowman with your children or your best friend;
- having a loving arm around your shoulders;
- receiving a phone call from a friend or a loved one that you haven't heard from for a while;
- watching a squirrel gather nuts;
- building a sandcastle with your children;
- smelling the flowers;
- reading a good book;
- having a good hair day;
- listening to a song that brings back special memories;
- hearing a gentle summer breeze rustle the leaves of a tree;
- spending time with your family;
- new fallen snow before footprints mar its surface;
- climbing into bed when you've just put on fresh, clean sheets;
- sleeping in on a Sunday morning;
- taking a long, relaxing bubble bath;
- walking on the beach, even alone, and enjoying the tranquility of feeling you get from the sounds of the ocean;
- going on a picnic with someone you love;
- lying on the grass and watching the stars, like sparkling jewels, scattered on a velvet sky;
- walking on the beach, holding hands, with someone special.

All of these simple pleasures are free, or relatively so. They can be available to everyone. We only have to be aware of what surrounds us to see, feel or hear most of them.

Picnics and Romance

2011-04-06T21:35:00.000-07:00

Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall
Anytime will do at all!

‘Picnics and Romance’ should put you in the mood for romance. It will also give you some ideas of where to go to enjoy solitude and the beauty of nature in our beautiful Lower Mainland.

I have included many wonderful, romantic and beautiful picnic spots where you can enjoy not only a romantic picnic but also walks, hikes, lakes and special spots that will soon become your own favourite areas where you can have a private picnic for two.

Included also are Appetizers, Salads, Entrees and Dessert Recipes for your romantic picnics that will be delicious no matter what time of year it is. A picnic is great whether there are new buds of Spring on the trees, a Summer’s sun shining warmly on your back, the colours turning to the yellows and golds of Fall or the Winter magic of snow on the ground.

What is needed for a Romantic Picnic?

- A sturdy, good-sized picnic basket and/or cooler
- Dishes and silverware
- Cups and wine glasses
- Napkins and tablecloth
- Candle and container (the container is necessary for protection against any breeze), and a lighter
- Food and refreshments (wine or champagne?)
- Blanket
- Vase and flowers (optional)
- A camera (to record your romantic picnic)

* * * * * * * *

Winter

Winter has a nice quiet beauty,
Of garden work, there is no duty.
A picnic in the white outdoors,
Or a picnic by a fire that roars.
Either one I’ll choose to do,
As long as it is me and you.

Spring

Spring is here, the world is green,
Blue skies and flowers can be seen.
We’ll go for a walk and smell the fresh earth,
The sun is shining, there’s been a rebirth.
We breathe in deeply of the sweet air,
And stride off briskly without a care.

Summer

A picnic, a hike and moss-covered trees,
We’ll sit by the ocean and feel the cool breeze.
Stand by a creek and watch the water rush by,
Feel our hearts soar when we see birds in the sky.
We’ll hear crickets and frogs on a warm summer night,
And walk in the woods with no others in sight.

Fall

So many things to do and see,
A mountain view, come share with me.
Fish to catch in a crystal clear lake,
With much to do, there are memories to make.
Orange, yellow and brown, the colours of Fall,
Let’s picnic together and forsake the mall.

* * * * * * * *

Romantic Romps
The Lower Mainland

Barnston Island

A few nice spots where we can eat,
With grass and view; it can’t be beat.
To a time long past is where we went,
This place of serenity was heaven-sent.

Peering between scattered trees, we watched log booms slowly drift by on the Fraser River. From an island that is predominantly farm land we were able to watch industry and commerce as tugs and ships of various sizes traveled the river.

The picnic spot where we had chosen to lunch gave us a good view of the river and of Surrey beyond, appearing to be undeveloped from where we stood. We knew this was not the case because we had just taken the barge/tug across from that thriving city.

On Barnston Island sheep and horses graze in lush green pastures and snow peaked mountains are a backdrop to this comforting and welcoming scene. Dogs barked lazily in the distance and a cat meandered across the road to welcome us. Plump ripe blackberries grew abundantly beside the road ready for the picking. Native islanders waved a passing greeting to us as we walked the road beside their farms, and children smiled without fear or curiosity.

On Barnston Island one takes a step back in time. Farming is a way of life existing in few other places. Part of the quaint charm, the laid-back feeling and the excitement of a visit to this small island seems to come with the barge/tug mode of travel.

The barge/tug crossing can be reached by going east on Highway 1, exiting at 176th Street and traveling north to 104th Avenue and then right a very short distance to the ‘ferry’. There is a parking lot where you can leave your car (or take it across on the ferry if you wish). From there it is a five minute trip across Parson’s Channel.

If you turn left after disembarking, you will pass farmyards with areas where the beach can be reached. One area we explored was sandy with a nice area for a picnic. Beside this grassy and sandy area was a large area of clay. We took off our shoes and let the soft clay squish between our toes while we explored the area. I’ll admit this is not for everyone but it gave us a sense of freedom, of throwing off restrictions. There is also another area further along with a couple of picnic tables that was private. Trees provided us with shade from the sun and we had a beautiful view of the river.

If you turn right after you get off the ferry, you will see a wild swampy area and then sweeping farmland. If you arrive at low tide, you will be able to walk along the beach and savour the beauty of the Fraser River.

As you circle the island, you will enjoy the splendor of the North Shore Mountains and Mount Baker. The round trip of the island is approximately 9.5 km.

* * * * * * *

Bedwell Bay – Belcarra Park

Another picnic you can share with me,
At a little cove down by the sea.
We can go on a hike along the shore,
Then find another trail and hike some more.

Lots to see and lots to do and some lovely spots to picnic too! Belcarra Park is on the Burrard Inlet and can be reached by turning off Barnet onto Ioco Road. If you park in Belcarra’s main parking lot near the concession stand, you will be near the beginning of the trail that will take you to Burns Point. If you’re feeling very energetic, there is a hike you can take to Jug Island. The views are delightful and a lot of the walk is under cover of trees so even on a hot summer day, the walk can be very pleasant.

* * * * * * *

Bowen Island

Another great picnic for you and me,
With a lake on the island for us to see.
We’ll search and look for a sandy spot,
To eat our lunch before the sun gets hot.
Perhaps for a stroll on the beach we’ll go,
Or rent a boat and go for a row.

The most difficult part of this enjoyable jaunt will be finding a parking spot at Horseshoe Bay. The best advice is to leave early enough in the day to avoid this problem, (or take your car and explore the rest of the island). On Bowen Island, we followed the road a very short distance from the ferry terminal and took a path to the lake. Because we were early, we followed the trail around the lake and then found a secluded area for our picnic.

* * * * * * * *

Campbell Valley Park

There's lots to see at this park of old,
With many stories to be told,
A farmstead and schoolhouse to explore,
Let’s come again, I do implore.
The wind’s at our back, our faces to the sun,
I can’t believe we’ve had so much fun.

This park seems to have it all: trees, a marsh, rolling countryside, a ravine, a river, a scenic meadow and lots of trails. The main parking area is off 8th Avenue and 204th Street in Langley. The round trip trail is 14 km (8.7 miles) and it’s suggested that four
hours be allowed for the trip. The trails are good all year. There are many picnic spots available in this park and many trips will be needed to find them all.

* * * * * * *

Cates Park

We'll gaze at the ocean as the sailboats go by,
Hear the cry of the seagulls as they fly in the sky.
We’ll search for treasures walking hand-in-hand,
And leave our footprints in the wet sand.

A private picnic with history as a background! If that’s what you’re in the mood for, drive to Cates Park on Dollarton Highway. Grab your picnic basket and blanket and look for the entrance to the Michael Lowry Walk.

As you meander along the path, under a canopy of leaves, you can stop at several spots as benches have been placed along the way. The view is spectacular.

On the path you will see a sign telling you the story of Michael Lowry, author, born in 1909. He won the Governor General’s Award for fiction, writing “Under the Volcano”, “White Fire of the Mist”, and “Wild Ducks Doing Sixty Downwind”. He lived in a squatter’s shack with his wife Margerie, between 1940 and 1954, and died in 1957.

This area is adjacent to the Cedarside and Dollar Mills which were founded in 1916, when Captain Robert Dollar, from San Francisco, purchased one hundred acres on the Burrard Inlet. He built a sawmill with loading docks and changed the name from Roche Point to Dollarton. Until 1918, the only access was by boat.

Port Moody supplied lumber to the mill, all of which was destined for China, South Africa, England and India. At that time, it was a thriving community with a Post Office, a store, the Roche Point School, a community hall which doubled as a church, homes for key employees and bunkhouses for the men who worked in the mills. It operated until December 23, 1942 when it was sold for timber rights to the North West Logging Company. They closed the mill and sold off the machinery at that time.

The Vancouver Cedar Lumber Mill known as Cedarside adjacent to Dollar Mill operated until 1929 when the depression forced its closure. The concrete structure remaining on the property is the burner base from the Cedarside Mills. This structure is picturesque with four tunnels going into the centre which is now filled with grass and other vegetation. It is surrounded by trees with the ocean as its backdrop.

Walking past this structure, you will find a private, sandy beach with huge logs and overhanging trees. It is a perfect spot for a picnic. On the day we were there, we saw eighteen sailboats with brightly coloured sails pass us by.

* * * * * * *

Crescent Beach

This is one of the best places to be,
With a walk through trails and boats to see;
Tranquility of surf anytime of the year,
We'll picnic here and feel full of cheer.

A Story Untold of Long Ago

Rotting pilings, covered with a growth of barnacles stand where an Oyster company stood in the early 1900’s – a thriving business that once employed 100 people on the shores of Crescent Beach. The warehouse and the bunkhouse are long since gone, only the pilings remain as a harsh reminder of what the small village of Crescent Beach once was. When the pilings rot and wear away, there will no longer be any reminders of the hustle and bustle of those early days. It will be a time forgotten by some and never known by many. Some of these pilings already lie in the sand, their only use a stop-off for the birds who occasionally sit atop them.

Some may look at these rotting pilings and see only something old with no purpose while others may see the beauty of something that has endured the ins and outs of tides, the winds and the growth of barnacles. What was once a smooth log with no story to tell now possesses character and beauty with a story to tell if we only but knew it.

Crescent Beach is on the east side of Boundary Bay and can be reached by taking the White Rock/Crescent Beach Exit off High 99 and then turning onto Crescent Road. At the end of Crescent Road there are several areas available for parking.

The tidal marshes abound with waterfowl. After walking along the beach area, you can walk through trails in the Blackie Spit area to a quiet corner of the beach. In this area you
can avoid the usual crowds of people during the hot summer and enjoy your romantic picnic for two.

* * * * * * *

Derby Reach

Spirits soaring, our hearts are light,
Another picnic, the river’s in sight.
The fog has gone, the dew drops cling,
The sun is shining, can you hear my heart sing?

Our hearts soared as the fogs dispersed and sunbeams gradually filtered through the trees on our visit to Derby Reach one beautiful Fall day. Drops of moisture clung to the leaves, sparkling like twinkling stars as the sun crept further into the forest. The birds came alive, twittering with answering calls from nearby trees. Squirrels ran along the trail near our feet as we strolled and breathed in the fresh air and watched the sun as it rose higher into the sky.

Derby Reach is situated in Fort Langley and can be reached by traveling east along Highway No. 1, take 200th street exit, go north to Wilson Townline Road and go east for 1.5 km to McAdam Road, then north 2 km. to Allard Crescent, and east 3 km to the park entrance. There is a covered public picnic area near parking lot but follow trails to some of the nice spots looking out over the Fraser River.

* * * * * * *

Kanaka Creek

Leave the hustle and bustle and come with me,
We’ll find a creek, not a soul shall we see.
High over our heads is a canopy of leaves,
Our picnic spot is surrounded by trees.
The water is rushing over slippery rocks,
And high in the trees there are two hawks.
Nature surrounds us, the sky is blue,
We’ll have a romantic picnic for two.

Are seclusion and tranquility what you yearn for? There are various areas along Kanaka Creek where you could enjoy a picnic. One is Twin Falls at Webster’s Corners in Maple Ridge on the Dewdney Trunk Road. This area, although lovely, is also popular so we decided to picnic in an area that is more off the beaten track. By following Dewdney Trunk Road and turning right on 272nd, we followed the twisty country road until we came to Ferguson Avenue and turned right again. You will have to park at the end of this road and take the short walk down a slight grade, along a narrow, gravel path to Kanaka Creek. You will almost be guaranteed of finding a private picnic spot.

Each Spring the landscape changes so there are always different areas to picnic depending on the winter run-off. You will be able to find small ponds where city-stressed picnickers can enjoy the tranquility of water rushing over rocks, hear the gentle breeze whispering through the leaves in the overhead trees and listen to the music of the various birds. It takes no time for these sounds of nature to lift your spirits. Occasionally you may hear the friendly neigh of a horse in the distance. Nature will wrap its welcoming arms around you and when it’s time to return home, you will not want to leave.

* * * * * * *

Rocky Point Park

Please come on a picnic with me,
And explore the ruins beside the sea;
We'll follow the shore through a path in the trees,
And hear the leaves whisper in the sea breeze.
We’ll share a glass of wine or two,
And enjoy our picnic beneath a sky of blue.

Away from the middling crowd? If that’s your goal, make a visit to Rocky Point Park in Port Moody. Drive to the east end of the parking lot where you will see the beginning of the trail. You will work up an appetite for your picnic by following the shoreline trail from Rocky Point Park to Old Orchard Park at the far end. The round trip is 5 km (3.1 miles) of easy, scenic walking.

You will traverse footbridges and boardwalks through marshy areas and pass the wrecked hull of a long abandoned boat. Old Orchard Park, at the end of the trail, has all the amenities you will need of washroom facilities, picnic tables and sandy beaches. But if what you seek is tranquility and solitude, head back and turn right on the footpath directly past the large sign listing areas of protection for the local bird population.

This path will take you to the water and if you’ve timed it right, the tide will be in. You will see picturesque remnants of Stanley’s brickyard of years gone by as well as the remains of an old cedar mill.

The remains reminded us of a ruined castle, its crumbling bricks overgrown with nature’s vegetation. There are several private spots in this area you can choose from for your picnic. We found a spot off the path on a small bluff overlooking the water with the ruins behind us. We were surrounded with the natural fauna of the area and the birds were our only companions.

It was a perfect spot for a romantic picnic. We had privacy, a view, a bottle of wine and excellent food. After our leisurely picnic, we explored the barnacle covered ruins and tried to imagine what they looked like before our modern civilization intruded onto its doorstep.

* * * * * * * *

Rice Lake

There’s a quiet, small lake that I know of dear.
We can enjoy ourselves while we picnic here.
The water is warm and the grass is green,
There’s hawks and many a bird to be seen.

Tranquil and Serene

Almost entirely surrounded with mountains and different varieties of trees, the lake, upon reaching it after following the trail from Lynn Canyon, is like seeing a mirage in the desert. The forest and sky reflect their beauty in the mirror-like surface of Rice Lake and one does not expect to see so much beauty at the end of the curving uphill hike. The silence was a roar in our ears interspersed with the intermittent splash of fish jumping out of the water, rarely seen except for the rippling effect on the surface of the otherwise smooth lake.

There looked to be secret little coves hidden at various places on the distant shoreline. A kayak to explore would have been wonderful, I thought except it would have spoiled the serene beauty of the peaceful waters. It is a place to relax, to dream, to picnic and to forget there’s a world beyond this quiet corner of nature.

* * * * * * * * *

Stanley Park

A perfect spot with a view that’s great,
Let’s grab a rod and get some bait.
We’ll fish and kiss and eat some lunch,
And head home late to avoid the crunch.

Stanley Park, in the downtown area of Vancouver offers much for both Vancouverites and suburbanites and can more than fill a whole day of enjoyment. Here again, the secret is to get there early in order to be able to obtain a parking spot. Grab your picnic basket and explore because you don’t know where you may find that absolutely perfect picnic spot.

But watch out for the seagulls! They will swoop down beside you and steal food off your plate. But don’t encourage them by giving them scraps if you don’t want an uninvited guest at your romantic picnic.

* * * * * * * *

Weaver Lake

O’r hill and vale, we’ll take a hike,
Through meadows and forests, you will like.
Colour surrounds us, the sky is blue,
Leaves overhead and birds flying too.
We had a great day that was filled with fun,
From early morn ‘til long after the sun.

Breathe deeply and enjoy the crisp, fresh air when you enter this wooded, hilly area near Harrison Hot Springs. Turn north off Highway 7 at the Sasquash Inn onto the Hemlock Valley Road. At the fork stay right and travel 9.5 km before turning left to reach Weaver Lake. The trek is well worth your while.

If you decide to follow the trail around the lake, the distance is approximately 6.5 km and will require about three hours if you meander, as we did. You will enjoy the various types of natural growth surrounding the lake, the view, the silence and the solitude. We met no one else on our hike.

* * * * * *

Whytecliff Park

While we climb on the rocks and smell the fresh air,
The wind may blow but we haven’t a care.
A squeeze of your hand and a wink of your eye,
I’m so happy my dear, I feel I could fly.

Whytecliff Park in West Vancouver can be reached by traveling west on the Upper Levels Highway and taking the Squamish route at Horseshoe Bay. Turn left and cross the overpass, through the stop sign, right onto Hycroft Road and then left uphill to the parking lot.

You will enjoy fabulous views of Howe Sound, Bowen Island, Point Grey and Black Mountain. If you walk over the causeway to Whyte Island and follow a trail through the trees, you’ll find your very own private picnic spot.

* * * * * * *

Whonock Lake

A lake that is near and not very far,
An enjoyable drive then we'll unload the car,
Spring, Fall and Winter are the best times to go,
It'll be quiet on the lake when we go for a row.

Whonock Lake, at most times, with the exception of the heat of summer, is quiet. The water is warm and calm and great for kayaking and canoeing. The beaches are sandy and there are trees for shade. There are also a number of picnic tables available.

The lake can be reached from Lougheed Highway #7, turn left onto 272nd Street until you reach 112th Avenue, turn east and follow signage to Whonock Lake Centre and proceed to parking lot among the trees.

* * * * * * *

Winter on the Fraser River

A winter’s picnic will be truly fun,
With heavy clothes we don't need the sun,
Hot mulled wine made for two,
A perfect spot I’ll find for you.

The crisp air makes the view of the distant mountains stand out in sharp contrast to the sky, not fuzzy and blurry as they sometimes are on a warm summer day. Everything on this cold winter day is crisp – the barren trees stripped of their leaves, the water smooth like a mirror with clouds, like icing on a cake, illuminated on its surface. The colours are vibrant like an untouched palette. No passing ship has churned the waters; the air is still.

Only our warm breath sending puffs of smoke spoils the scene before us but not before we have absorbed the beauty of it into our memories so that when the river becomes muddy brown in the springtime we can remember this winter scene and our romantic picnic.

There are many places to go,
To watch the river’s tidal flow.

There are many places along the Fraser River where a picnic can be enjoyed whether it is winter or summer. Some of those places are Derby Reach in Fort Langley, Deas Island Park in Delta as well as many other spots along River Road in Delta where the river is accessible. One such spot is underneath the Alex Fraser Bridge.

Standing beneath this high traffic bridge, we see not the hustle and bustle of people rushing, frayed tempers or scowling faces. The rumble overhead is faint while we watch this majestic river complete its journey to the ocean. Logs float downstream with seagulls perched on top, bouncing with the fast-moving current. At high tide they will float back upstream.

On the Delta side, there are grassy areas and low growing greenery offering a nice place to picnic and trails to walk. When we look to the left, we see the river widen before it begins its fall over the horizon. To the right, we can see wharfs and industry before the river disappears from view. In this small section of the river, there is much history; a fishing community sits on its banks.

And on the opposite side of the river, on Annacis Island, there are many other beautiful picnic spots to explore and enjoy. Fishing is usually good near the base of the pillars of the bridge on the Annacis Island side of the river.

* * * * * * * * *

Picnics and Sunsets

As we watch the sun set over the sea,
We’ll marvel aloud at the beauty we see.

British Columbia’s Beauty

Lightning Lake
(Manning Park)

Another nice lake but a little bit colder,
The scenery is rugged, a whole lot bolder.
Let’s heat up the barbeque for our lunch,
We have steak and potatoes and a salad with crunch.

Lightning Lake in the Manning Park area has many picnic areas and hiking and walking trails. There are picnic tables at the lake near the parking area but also many nice spots along the trails.

The Park is a pleasant drive from the Vancouver area about midway on the highway between Hope and Princeton.

* * * * * * * *

Smugglers Cove

Let’s rest ourselves on this tranquil shore,
We can sit awhile and then explore.
This mystery cove of which much can be told,
About pirates and prisoners held down in the hold.

There’s tranquility in the calm blue waters mirroring clouds that drift like disappearing smoke. The water softly creeps into nooks and crannies, its only sound the swish of ripples lapping at pebbles on the beach. An eagle in a distant tree watches for his next dinner while birds flutter nearby, their voices raised in cheerful song. The breeze, warm on my already sun-bronzed skin, tickles my face like the gentle stroke of an ostrich feather. It is a place so tranquil that my chest constricts with the beauty of it.

But there is mystery also behind every outcropping of rocks that rise from the waters protecting what can’t be seen. Clusters of small islands huddle like stepping stones near the edge of the distant shore. What is nature hiding? What has it hidden before human eyes discovered its tranquility and beauty? What is the mystery of Smuggler’s Cove?

Smuggler’s Cove is on the Sunshine Coast and can be reached by driving 16 km north of Sechelt on the Sunshine Coast Highway (101), turn west on Brooks Road and follow the park signs 5 km to the parking area.

* * * * * * *
Marvelous Menus

What shall we take on our picnic you say?
So many good things; we’ll want to stay.

Appetizers

Sesame Seed Spread

1 cup cottage cheese 1/3 cup toasted sesame seeds
1 tablespoon chopped parsley 1 teaspoon lemon juice
Grated fresh horseradish (to taste) 2 tablespoons finely diced green pepper
2 tablespoons finely diced red pepper Salt to taste
Whole wheat crackers

Combine all ingredients, mixing well. Refrigerate. Serve with crackers.

Chick Pea Dip

1 4 ounce can drained chick peas 3 tablespoons sesame paste
½ cup lemon juice 1 tablespoon olive oil
3 garlic cloves, finely shopped Prepared raw vegetables, as dippers
Chunks of pita bread as dippers

Combine all ingredients in a blender until a thick, coarse paste. Serve with dippers.

Garden Dip

2/3 cup low fat cottage cheese 1 tablespoon finely grated onion
1 tablespoon finely grated carrot 1 teaspoon finely chopped green pepper
½ teaspoon salt/dash of garlic salt 1 cup plain yogurt

Cream cottage cheese with a fork. Add onion, carrot, pepper, salt and garlic salt. Beat until fairly smooth. Stir in yogurt. Cover and chill. Serve with crackers, chips or raw vegetables.

Tasty Ham

2 tablespoons finely chopped green pepper 2 tablespoons finely chopped celery
2 tablespoons finely chopped pimento ¼ teaspoon Dijon mustard
2 teaspoons lemon juice 2 teaspoons olive oil
Salt/pepper 4 slices of cooked ham

Mix green pepper, celery and pimento together. Mix together lemon juice and oil; add salt and pepper to taste and pour over the vegetable mixture. Divide equally between the 4 ham slices and roll. Secure with toothpicks.

Biscuit Snacks

1 cup dry curd cottage cheese 2 tablespoons parsley flakes
1 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons chopped pimento

Combine all ingredients and spread on English muffins.

Stuffed Pepper Slices

1 red and 1 green pepper 8 ounces low-fat cottage cheese
2 tablespoons skim milk 1 tablespoon chopped pimento
1 tablespoon chopped chives 1 tablespoon chopped watercress
¼ teaspoon salt/ 1/8 teaspoon white pepper 1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 tablespoon unflavoured gelatin 1/3 cup cold water
Lettuce

Cream cottage cheese in blender (thin with milk, if necessary). Add pimento, parsley, watercress, chives, salt, pepper and lemon juice. Soak gelatin in cold water and dissolve completely. Add to the cheese mixture. Fill washed, seedless red and green peppers and chill for at least two hours. Cut each pepper into 4 thick slices and serve on lettuce leaves.

Mexican-Style Eggs

8 hard-cooked eggs, chilled 1 tablespoon grated onion
1 tablespoon finely minced green pepper ¼ teaspoon chilli powder
¼ teaspoon salt 2 – 3 dashes hot sauce
2 teaspoons lemon juice 1 tablespoons oliver oil
16 small shrimp, cooked and peeled Parsley

Cut eggs in half lengthwise and remove yolks. Mash yolks with onion, pepper, chilli powder, salt, hot sauce, lemon juice and oil. Fill eggs with yolk mixture and serve with shrimp. Serve cold.

Surprise Spread

1 1/2 cups shredded cheddar cheese 1/4 pound cream cheese
1/8 milk
1/4 cup chopped walnuts 1/4 cup sultana raisins
1/8 cup chopped dates 1/4 cup chopped dried apricots

In blender, mix Cheddar cheese, cream cheese and milk, until smooth. Add walnuts, raisins, dates and apricots and blend. Put cheese mixture into pan or bowl and refrigerate for several hours or overnight. Include with the spread, apple slices and crackers.

Perfect Picnic Pate

1 finely chopped onion 1 minced garlic clove
1 tablespoon butter 1/2 pound ground pork
1/2 pound ground veal 1/4 pound finely diced baby beef liver
1/2 cup chopped, cooked ham 1 slightly beaten egg
1 teaspoon coarsely ground pepper 1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon allspice 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
6 slices bacon 3 bay leaves

Saute onion, garlic in butter until softened. Add pork, veal, liver, ham, egg, pepper, salt, allspice and thyme. Mix well. Lightly cook bacon and place in pie plate, letting bacon hang over the side of plate. Put bay leaves under bacon. Place meat mixture evenly into pie plate and fold the ends of the bacon over meat mixture. Cover and put in microwave on medium-high for 4 minutes, until juices are no longer pink. Keep juices. Let pate cool. Refrigerate for 12 hours. Brush pate with juices and then cut into 1” slices.

Shrimp Spread

1/2 pound cream cheese 1/3 cup sour cream
1/3 cup ketchup 1 teaspoon horseradish
1/2 pound small cooked shrimp, deveined Crackers

In blender, mix cream cheese and sour cream until smooth. Spread into a 9 inch glass pie plate and chill until firm. Mix together ketchup and horseradish and spread over the cheese layer. Arrange shrimp on top. Serve with crackers.

Ham Twists

1/4 pound cream cheese 8 stuffed green olives
2 teaspoons horseradish 2 tablespoons mayonnaise
Salt and pepper to taste Thin ham slices
Toothpicks

Combine all ingredients and add salt and pepper to taste. Spread onto ham slices. Roll up and secure with a toothpick.

Ham Stuffed Mushroom Caps

1 pound large mushrooms 1/4 pound ham, finely chopped
Mayonnaise, as necessary Salt and pepper, to taste
1 green onion, minced

Remove stems from mushrooms and chop finely. Mix chopped mushroom stems, chopped ham with mayonnaise to form a paste. Add salt and pepper, to taste. Fill mushrooms with ham mixture and bake until brown at 350 degrees. Good warm or cold.

Other Ideas: Take cheese and crackers, jar of pickled beets, smoked oysters, smoked salmon, pate. Also, don’t forget the chips, pretzels, bacon rinds and peanuts.

Salads

Zucchini Salad

2 medium zucchinis 2 medium onions, separated into rings
3 tablespoons lemon juice 1/3 cup olive oil
¼ teaspoon oregano ½ teaspoon salt
Chopped parsley

Wash and slice zucchini very thin and cover with boiling water. Let stand 5 minutes, drain well. Prepare onion and add. Combine lemon juice, oil, oregano and salt and pour over zucchini and onions. Mix gently and allow to marinade for several hours before serving. Garnish with parsley.

Tuna Salad

1 – 7 ounce can tuna 1 cup diced apples
½ cup chopped celery ½ cup mayonnaise
Lettuce

Drain tuna and break into pieces. Combine all ingredients and serve on lettuce leaves.

Salad Supreme

½ head iceberg letter 1 green pepper, cut in strips
2 small sliced tomatoes 1 small onion, separated into rings
2 hard cooked sliced eggs ¼ cup sliced stuffed green olives
½ medium cucumber, cut in chunks

Salad Dressing:

2 tablespoons olive oil 1 ½ tablespoons tarragon vinegar
¼ teaspoon salt ¼ teaspoon ground pepper
1 clove crushed garlic 1/8 teaspoon oregano
1 teaspoon chopped parsley

Tear lettuce into bite sized pieces. Add peppers, tomatoes, onions, eggs, olives and cucumbers; refrigerate. Combine dressing ingredients and mix well. Add dressing to salad when serving.

Cucumber and Ham Salad

6 ounces baked ham, diced 2 small cucumbers, diced

Salad Dressing:

1 cup plain yogurt 1 teaspoon prepared mustard
Dash nutmeg/pinch of sugar Salt and pepper to taste
Parsley leaves, chopped 1 mint leaf, minced
2 tablespoons chives

Combine ham and cucumbers. Stir dressing ingredients together and mix hand and cucumbers into dressing when ready to serve.

Marinated Beef Salad

3 cups cubed cooked lean beef ½ cup chopped onion
2 tablespoons chopped parsley 1 red pepper, seeded and chopped
1 medium chopped tomato

Salad Dressing:

½ cup olive oil ¼ cup wine vinegar
½ teaspoon salt/1/4 teaspoon pepper ½ teaspoon oregano
½ teaspoon prepared mustard

Combine beef, onion, parsley, pepper and tomato. Mix well. Combine dressing ingredients and pour over salad. Refrigerate for 3 hours. When serving, place on lettuce leaves and garnish with sliced tomatoes. Serve with crusty bread.

Feta Cheese Salad

½ pound feta cheese ¼ teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons vegetable oil 2 tablespoons white vinegar
2 stalks celery, sliced walnuts, almonds or pecans
¼ teaspoon salt

Arrange cheese in shallow bowl. Sprinkle with pepper. Drizzle 1 tablespoon each of oil and vinegar over cheese. Spread celery onto cheese and sprinkle with nuts. Drizzle with rest of oil and vinegar. Cover and refrigerate for at least one hour.

Vegetable Pasta Salad

¼ cup mayonnaise 1 tablespoon sour cream
1 tablespoon vinegar 2 teaspoons sugar
1 cup pasta, cooked 1 cup finely shredded white cabbage
1/2 cup grated carrot 1/2 cup diced green pepper

Mix together mayonnaise, sour cream, vinegar and sugar. Add cooked pasta and vegetables. Toss lightly.

Chicken Salad

1 pound cooked diced chicken 4 stalks diced celery
¼ cup vegetable oil 2 tablespoons malt vinegar
Juice of ½ lemon 1 hard-boiled egg, finely chopped
½ cup mayonnaise ½ cup sour cream
2 tablespoons chili sauce 2 tablespoons capers
½ teaspoon salt

Mix together chicken, celery, oil, vinegar and lemon juice. Chill for several hours. Mix chopped egg with mayonnaise, sour cream, chili sauce, capers and salt. Pour dressing over the chicken mixture and mix well. Serve on crisp lettuce leaves.

Hearty Salad

1 can green beans 2 carrots, cut in strips
1 cup chopped celery ¼ cup French Dressing
¼ pound cooked beef cut in strips ¼ pound ham, cut in strips
2 hard-boiled eggs ½ cup mayonnaise
1 teaspoon prepared horseradish sauce Lettuce

Marinate beans, carrots and celery in French Dressing for two hours. Wash and break lettuce into bite size pieces and put into a salad bowl. Place meat on top and then spoon vegetables over the meat. Cut eggs in circles and arrange over top of salad. Mix mayonnaise and horseradish sauce together for dressing.

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Tuna and Rice Mold Salad

1 ½ cups cooked rice 2 medium tomatoes, chopped
1 can tuna 4 tablespoons chopped chives
½ cup sour cream ½ cup mayonnaise
1 teaspoon celery seeds 1 tablespoon grated lemon rind
Salt/pepper to taste

Drain tuna and break into pieces. Add to rice, tomatoes and chives and mix well. Mix sour cream into mayonnaise and add celery seeds. Mix mayonnaise mixture with tuna and rice. Press into a mold and refrigerate.

* * * * * * * *

Beef With Potato Salad

½ pound cold cooked beef, cut in strips 2 tomatoes, quartered
3 potatoes, cooked and diced 2 tablespoons chopped parsley
1 dill pickle, chopped 2 tablespoons chopped chives

Combine beef, tomatoes, potatoes, parsley, pickle and chives and mix well. Before serving, pour on French dressing or dressing of your choice and toss.

Crunchy Cole Slaw Salad
Small cabbage shredded thinly 4 chopped green onions
1/2 cup slivered almonds 2 tablespoons sesame seeds
2 tablespoons chicken soup mix Dried chow mein noodles
1/4 cup olive oil 3 tablespoons white vinegar
1 teaspoon sugar 1/2 teaspoon pepper

Mix cabbage, onions and almonds. Mix together dressing and toss. Sprinkle sesame seeds and crumbled noodles on top.

Other Ideas: Don’t forget the regular standbys of traditional potato salad, sandwiches, cold oven-baked chicken and cold cuts. Bring along a loaf of French bread, crusty rolls or croissants. Also flavoured butters such as garlic butter are a great addition.

Entrees

Cheese and Macaroni Ring

1 cup elbow macaroni ¼ cup French dressing
2 cups cottage cheese ¼ cup diced pimento
¼ cup diced green pepper 2 tablespoons finely chopped onion
2 tablespoons chopped parsley

Cook macaroni about 10 minutes and drain well. While warm, add French dressing and mix well. Set aside to chill. Add all ingredients together and press into a quart ring mold. Chill several hours. Garnish with olive slices when serving.

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Picnic Chilli

1 can 6 ounce red kidney beans 1 can 6 ounce brown beans
1 medium onion, sliced ½ green pepper, chopped
1 pound lean beer 2 – 6 ounce cans stewed tomatoes
1 ½ tablespoons chilli powder ½ teaspoon salt
Dash of cayenne pepper 4 medium sized mushrooms, sliced

Brown beef, onion, mushrooms and green pepper; drain. Add kidney beans, brown beans, stewed tomatoes and seasonings. Simmer for a minimum of 2 hours. Add water, if necessary. Put into a wide-mouthed thermos bottle for winter-time picnics.

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Ham and Egg Sandwich Loaf

1 loaf uncut bread ½ pound cooked ham, chopped
1 – 3 ounce can pimentos, chopped Mayonnaise
1 cup sweet pickle relish 2 hard boiled eggs
1 – 1 ½ cups cream cheese

Remove crusts from bread and cut lengthwise into four equally sized slices. Mix together ham and pimentos with enough mayonnaise to make a paste. Chop pickle and eggs together and mix with mayonnaise. Butter two slices of bread and spread ham mixture. Then spread egg mixture between the next two slices and then ham mixture. The spread the top and sides of the loaf with softened cream cheese. Refrigerate 3 – 4 hours before slicing.

Chicken Stew
(Can be cooked ahead in a slow cooker)

8 boneless, skinless chicken thighs 1/4 teaspoons each of salt and pepper
1 tablespoon vegetable oil 1/2 chopped onion
1/2 cup each of carrot and celery 3/4 cup mushrooms, quartered
1/4 teaspoon dried thyme 1 cup chicken stock
1/4 cup all purpose flour 1/2 cup frozen peas
1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley

Chopped chicken into bite-size pieces; sprinkle with half each of the salt and pepper. Heat 1/2 tablespoon of oil in skillet over medium heat. Brown chicken and then put into slow cooker. Drain fat and add remaining oil to skillet. Saute onion, carrot and celery until softened. Add mushrooms, thyme and remaining salt and pepper. Cook until softened and scrape into slow cooker. Add chicken stock to slow cooker. Cover and cook on low until vegetables are tender, about 4 hours. Mix flour with 1/2 cup of water and stir into slow cooker. Add peas and parsley and cook on high until thickened; about 20 minutes. Put into wide-mouthed thermos for picnic. Plenty for two. Eat with crusty buns or chunks of bread.

Minestrone Soup

1 cup meat sauce 3 cups water
1 cup cooked beans (any kind) 1/2 cup macaroni
1/2 to 1 teaspoon Italian seasoning 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
Frozen peas, corn or any other cooked vegetables

Combine ingredients, simmering until macaroni is cooked. Add salt and pepper to taste. Put into wide-mouthed thermos and serve with crusty buns or chunks of bread.

Seasoned Chicken Thighs

2 chicken thighs 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1 tablespoons vinegar 1 tablespoon oil
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme 1 teaspoon dried oregano
Pinch of cayenne

Put chicken into a lightly greased baking dish. Combine remaining ingredients, mix well and spread over the chicken. Cover and refrigerate for about 15 minutes. Bake at 375 degrees for about 45 minutes. The chicken can be served hot or cold. Nicely served with potato salad.

Ratatoouille and Chickpeas

(Cook ahead in a slow cooker)
1 tablespoon vegetable oil 1 chopped onion
2 garlic cloves, chopped 6 cups chopped eggplant
2 tablespoons dried basil 1 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon each of salt and pepper 1 each of sweet red and yellow pepper
1 large zucchini 1/3cup tomato paste
1 can (19 oz) drained chickpeas 1 can 28 ounce tomatoes
1/4 cup chopped fresh basil or parsley

Heat oil in large skillet over medium heat. Fry onion, garlic, eggplant, basil, oregano, salt, pepper and stir occasionally until onion has softened. Put into slow cooker. Cut yellow and red peppers and zucchini into pieces and add to slow cooker. Add tomato paste, chickpeas and tomatoes. Cover and cook on low for 4 hours until vegetables are tender. Add basil at end. Put into a wide-mouthed thermos and serve with biscuits, crusty buns or chunky bread.

Tortilla Delight

1 1/2 cups shredded cheddar cheese 1 cup chopped dill pickles
1 cup diced salami 2 finely chopped green onions
2 large tomatoes, seeded and chopped 1/3 cup mayonnaise
Tortillas, Kaiser buns or tacos Lettuce

Combine ingredients and mix thoroughly. Line tortillas, buns or tacos with filling. Maybe add a salad and you’re set for your romantic picnic.

Tasty Burger Stew

1 pound ground beef 1 tablespoon minced onion
1/4 teaspoon salt, 1/8 teaspoon pepper 16 ounce can vegetable soup
1 can tomato soup 1 can mushrooms
Add any other vegetables you wish

Brown beef and onion. Drain and add seasonings. Stir in the soups, mushrooms and any other vegetables. Pour into casserole and bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes. Put into a wide-mouthed thermos. There will be plenty to eat after a long hike.

‘You’d Never Know It Was Soup’ Bean and Sausage Soup

2 cups chickpeas 4 slices of bacon
3 tablespoons olive oil 2 onions, chopped
3 minced garlic cloves 1 chopped celery stalk
1 diced carrot 6 cups water
2 bay leaves 1 1/2 teaspoons ground coriander
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme 1/4 teaspoon dried marjoram
1 – 14 ounce can tomatoes 1/4 pounded ham, cut in pieces
1/2 pound chopped sausage or pepperoni Salt and pepper, to taste
1/2 cup chopped fresh parsley

Dice bacon and cook in oil until lightly brown. Discard all but 3 tablespoons of the fat. Cook the onions, garlic, celery and carrot until softened. Add bacon, beans, water, bay leaves, paprika, coriander, thyme, marjoram and bring to boil. Simmer for about 1 hour. Chop tomatoes into bite-size pieces and add. Add ham and sausage to the soup and simmer uncovered until well heated. Remove bay leaves. Season with salt and pepper and sprinkle with parsley. Put into wide-mouthed thermos and eat with crusty rolls or bread.

Fondue Picnic

Fondue Pot, fuel and fondue forks
Oil or beef or chicken broth Crusty bread or buns
Butter, margarine or garlic butter

Suggested vegetables and meat for cooking:

Bite-sized vegetables, i.e. zucchini, cauliflower, yams, new potatoes
mushrooms, broccoli, etc.
Bite-sized chunks of beef or chicken

Other Possibilities:

Perogies, European sausages

Condiments, i.e.: mustard, sour cream and various sauces. These may include:
Teriyaki sauce, honey garlic, plum sauce, etc.

This is great for a late Fall or Winter picnic.

Tuna Fish Burgers
(Take along a portable barbecue)

3 tins tuna 3/4 cups oatmeal
3 eggs 1 stalk celery, chopped
1 onion, finely chopped 1 teaspoon pepper
Hamburger buns Any desired condiments
Lettuce, tomatoes (optional)

Mix all of the tuna ingredients together and then form into patties. Cook until brown on each side.

Additional Ideas: Along with a portable barbecue, take some thick, juicy steaks, potatoes to bake and corn-on-the-cob and of course, a salad.

Desserts

Eggnog Rice Pudding

1 cup eggnog ¾ tablespoons cornstarch
1 tablespoon milk ½ cup seedless raisins
¼ teaspoon salt ½ teaspoon rum extract
1 cup cooked rice Nutmeg

Heat eggnog over low heat. Combine cornstarch and milk then pour into eggnog, stirring constantly. Cook and stir over low heat until mixture thickens. Add raisins before removing from heat. Add salt and rum extract then fold in to cooked rice. Chill. Can be served with whipped cream and a sprinkle of nutmeg.

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Blueberry Tapioca Pudding

1 ½ cups blueberries ¼ cup sugar
¼ cup water 1 tablespoon tapioca

Stir all ingredients together and then let stand for five minutes. Bring to a full boil, stirring constantly. Chill. Can be served with whipped cream.

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Coffee Mousse

¾ envelope unflavoured gelatin ¾ cups water
½ cup milk 1/3 cup sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt 1 tablespoon instant coffee
2 small eggs, separated ½ teaspoon vanilla

Place gelatin, water, milk, sugar, salt and coffee into top of double boiler and stir until gelatin has melted and mixture has reached boiling point. Add egg yolks and stir over low heat until the mixture has thickened. Remove from heat and add vanilla. Chill until mixture becomes the consistency of thick syrup. Beat egg whites until stiff and fold into mixture. Chill until firm.

* * * * * * * * *
Yogurt Ecstasy

1 cup plain yogurt 3 tablespoons lemon juice
1/3 cup dry white wine Grated rind of half a lemon
1 teaspoon vanilla ¼ cup sugar
1 envelope unflavoured gelatine 1/3 cup cold water
3 egg whites

Blend yogurt, lemon juice, wine, lemon rind, vanilla and sugar. Soak gelatin in cold water and place over low heat, stirring constantly. Fold into yogurt mixture. Cool until thickened. Beat egg whites until stiff and fold into mixture. Chill.

* * * * * * * * *
Lemon Cheesecake

1 cup graham wafer crumbs 1/3 cup toasted ground almonds
1/4 cup granulated sugar 1/3 cup butter, melted
1 envelope unflavoured gelatine 1 – 8 ounce package cream cheese, softened
1 cup sour cream or yogurt 2 cups whipped dessert topping
1 teaspoon grated lemon rind 1 package 4 ounce lemon pie filling

For the crust, combine graham crumbs, almonds, sugar and butter. Press mixture into the bottom and half way up the sides of a 10” springform pan. Bake at 375 degrees for 8 – 10 minutes then cool. Prepare lemon pie filling according to directions on package but substitute 1 whole egg for the 2 egg yolks and sprinkle gelatine over the lemon pie filling mixture before cooking. Reserve 1 cup of the mixture. Beat the cream cheese, blend in the sour cream and the remaining warm filling. Fold in the prepared dessert topping and lemon rind. Spoon into pan and chill for 1/2 hour. Then top with reserved lemon pie filling mixture and chill for three hours.

* * * * * * * * *
Streudel Coffee Cake

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour 3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup butter 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1 egg, beaten
3/4 cup buttermilk or sour milk 1 – 19 ounce can apple pie filling
1/3 cup raisins

Combine flour and sugar and cut in butter until mixture is crumbly. Set aside 1/2 cup of the mixture. To the remainder add baking powder and soda. Combine egg and buttermilk and add to dry ingredients. Stir until moistened. Spread 2/3 of the batter over bottom and part way up the side of a greased 9” springform pan. Combine pie filling and raisins and spoon over batter. Drop spoonfuls of remaining batter over filling. Sprinkle with reserved crumb mixture. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 – 55 minutes.

Pineapple Carrot Cake

2 cups flour 2 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 teaspoons cinnamon
4 eggs 2 cups sugar
1 cup oil or melted butter 2 cups grated carrots
2 cups crushed drained pineapple 1 cup walnuts or coconut

Stir together dry ingredients. Mix eggs, sugar and oil together. Add carrots, pineapple and nuts, beating after each addition. Add sifted ingredients and stir well. Pour into greased 9” x 13” pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes. Ice with softened cream cheese.

Apple Cake

1 3/4 cups flour 1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon soda 1/2 teaspoon salt
Sugar 1/2 cup melted butter
1 egg Buttermilk
1 teaspoon vanilla 2 tart apples, peeled and sliced thinly
1 teaspoon cinnamon

Mix together flour, baking powder, soda, salt and 1 cup of sugar. Mix 1/4 cup butter with egg and add buttermilk to make one cup. Pour into flour mixture and beat until batter is smooth. Stir in vanilla. Pour remaining butter into baking dish. Add batter and arrange apples over the top. Mix cinnamon with 2 tablespoons sugar and sprinkle over the apples. Bake at 350 degrees for 35 – 40 minutes.

Apple Cranberry Crisp

1 1/2 cups chunky applesauce 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 – 16 ounce can whole cranberries 1 cup quick cooking rolled oats
1/2 cup all-purpose flour 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon or nutmeg 1/2 cup margarine

Combine applesauce, 1/4 cup brown sugar, 2 tablespoons flour and lemon juice in a saucepan and stir frequently until thickened. Stir in cranberries and heat mixture. Set aside. In mixing bowl combine oats, 1/2 cup flour, 1/2 cup brown sugar, cinnamon or nutmeg and cut in margarine until mixture is crumbly. Press half of this oat mixture into the bottom of a greased 8” x 8” x 2” baking pan. Spread applesauce/cranberry mixture over oat layer then sprinkle with remaining oat mixture. Bake in 375 degree over for about 35 minutes.

Unique Oatmeal Cookies

1 cup all-purpose flour 1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup shortening 1 egg
1/4 teaspoon vanilla 3/4 cup rolled oats
1/4 cup chopped nuts Granulated sugar

Combine flour, 1/2 cup granulated sugar, brown sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Add shortening, egg and vanilla and beat well. Stir in rolled oats and nuts. Using a teaspoon, shape dough into balls and dip one side of the ball into granulated sugar. Place sugar side up on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 12 – 15 minutes or until golden brown. Makes about 3 1/2 dozen cookies. (Freeze ahead for several picnics)

Lemon/Raspberry Tarts

1 1/4 cups boiling water 1 – 3 ounce package lemon flavoured gelatin
2 tablespoons sugar 1 cup lemon yogurt
1/2 cup raspberry jelly

Combine lemon flavoured gelatin and sugar. Add the boiling water and stir until the gelatin is dissolved. Beat in the lemon yogurt. Chill gelatin mixture until partially set. Beat the gelatin mixture until light and fluffy. Chill again until mixture mounds when spooned before filling baked tart shells. Cover and chill overnight. Garnish with raspberry jelly.

Rhubarb Pudding

1 cup flour 1/2 cup sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup butter 1/2 cup milk
2 cups rhubarb 1 cup sugar
1 cup boiling water

Mix together all dry ingredients. Cut in butter to dry ingredients then add milk and mix
Spread into an 8” x 8” greased pan. Arrange rhubarb on top. Dissolve sugar in boiling
Water and pour over pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour.

Other Ideas: Take fresh fruit, some fruit yogurt, some ready-made puddings, granola bars, gingersnaps or trail mix.

Dreamy Drinks
(Ideal for Fall and Winter Picnics)

Mulled Memories

2 cups apple juice 2 cups water
1/2 cup light brown sugar 1 cinnamon stick
16 whole cloves Dash ground nutmeg
2 tablespoons fine grind instant coffee

Combine all ingredients except instant coffee. Cover and simmer for 20 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in instant coffee. Pour into thermos bottle for your picnic.

Elegance

4 teaspoons finely ground instant coffee 1 1/2 cups boiling water
1 tablespoon orange liqueur 1 tablespoon chocolate liqueur
3 tablespoons sugar Whipped cream

Combine all the ingredients except whipping cream. Put into thermos and enjoy on your winter picnic.

Heartwarmer

3 eggs, separated 3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup cold water 3 teaspoons vanilla
3 cups milk 3/4 cup brandy
1/3 cup sugar 1 1/2 cups whipping cream
2 1/2 tablespoons finely ground instant coffee

Beat egg yolks. Add instant coffee, sugar, water, vanilla, milk and brandy and blend thoroughly. In a separate bowl, beat egg whites until they form soft peaks and gradually fold in 1/3 cup of sugar. Beat again until they form stiff peaks. Fold whipping cream, egg whites and coffee mixture together. Chill before putting into thermos.

Let's Have a Cookie Exchange

2011-04-06T21:29:00.001-07:00

Each year prior to Christmas, I organize a pre-season cookie exchange for friends. What initially began as a ladies cookie exchange has now developed into a couple’s cookie exchange with several of the men participating in the cookie making.

A dozen cookies are baked for every person participating in the exchange. For example, if ten people are making cookies, each person brings nine dozen cookies to the exchange (less the dozen for yourself). Each of the dozen cookies are to be wrapped in individual ‘dozen’ packages’. Over the years many of the participants have extended their creative energies to packaging the cookies in containers such as fancy Xmas bags, decorative Christmas tins, velvet bags and ribbons.

The cookie exchange has become an excuse to have an early pre-Christmas get-together (late November or very early December), and is a wonderful way to have a variety of goodies for the holiday season.

There are few rules other than to enjoy ourselves. There are a wide variety of recipes chosen including the usual of mincemeat, shirtbread and butter tarts. Bars are also allowed.

The following are some recipes that have been used for the Cookie Exchange which have proven to be very popular over the years.

Fudge Puddles

½ cup butter softened ½ cup creamy peanut butter
½ cup white sugar ½ cup packed brown sugar
1 egg ½ tsp. Vanilla extract
1 ¼ cups all purpose flour ¾ tsp baking soda, ½ tsp salt

1 cup milk chocolate chips 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 – 14 oz. Can sweetened condensed milk
¼ tsp vanilla extract ¾ cup pecan halves

Preheat over to 325 degrees. Sift together flour, baking soda and salt.
Cream butter, peanut butter, white sugar and brown sugar. Mix in egg and ½ tsp of vanilla. Sir the flour mixture into the creamed mixture. Shape the dough into balls approximately 1 inch in size. Put each one into one compartment of a mini muffin tin.
For the filling, put the chocolate chips into a double boiler over hot water. Stir in the milk and vanilla and mix well. Make a well in the center of each little ball and bake for 14 to 16 minutes until lightly browned. Then fill each shell with the chocolate mixture and top with a pecan half.

Chocolate Drop Cookies

1 ¼ cups all purpose flour ½ tsp baking soda, ½ tsp salt
½ cup unsweetened cocoa powder ½ cup margarine
1 cup white sugar 1 egg
1 tsp vanilla extract ¼ cup milk
18 large marshmallows

2 cups confectioners sugar 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
½ tsp salt 3 tablespoons soft margarine
1 ½ tablespoons heavy whipping cream

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Sift together flour, baking soda, salt and cocoa.
In a large bowl cream together margarine and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in egg then add vanilla and milk. Gradually stir in dry ingredients until well blended. Drop by spoonfuls onto the prepared cookie sheet. Bake for 8 minutes.
Cut large marshmallows into halves. When cookies come out of the oven, press one piece of marshmallow onto the top of each one. Return cookies to the oven for an additional 2 minutes. Combine confectioners sugar, cocoa and salt. Beat in softened margarine and heavy cream until icing is smooth. Spread onto cooled cookies.

Decorative Boxes to Make

2011-04-06T11:01:00.000-07:00

We recently made toy boxes for several of our family members which were a huge success with all who received them. We made the boxes in two different shapes, a triangle one for the rooms having little space except a corner, and rectangular shaped ones for areas where the boxes could be a functional piece of furniture as well as an accent to the room. (These boxes don't have to be just toy boxes)

Rectangular Boxes

The rectangular boxes measure 24” X 11 1/2” X 15” and were cut out of ½” primed plywood using a table saw. The bottom of the boxes measure 24” X 12” with the lid being cut a little larger so there would be a little bit of an overhang, for appearances only. We assembled the boxes using wood glue and nails, slightly sinking the nails and later filling the holes with filler. After sanding the necessary areas, we painted the base colour of paint on the boxes, using a latex paint. Each box was designed and created to individually suit each family member’s personality and interests and also to match the room where the box was likely to be placed.

Triangle Boxes

The triangle boxes measured 36” X 16” X 16” with the bottoms and lids cut to the same scale. They also were cut out of ½” primed plywood. Each of these boxes were assembled and prepared using the same method as the rectangle boxes described above.

Box No. 1 - Pink Flowered Box

Materials Required:

Latex paint (pale pink) 2” Paint Brush
Latex varnish Flower and leaf stencils
Latex colours for flowers and leaves Wood glue, craft glue, small nails
(rose, mauve/purple and green) Sea sponge
Photocopied picture of child Spray adhesive
2” foam for the lid Material to cover the lid (inside and outside)
1 Self-covered button for tufting the lid Hinges (2)
Stapler, staples and fish line Hammer, screws

The entire box was painted both inside and outside using the pale pink latex paint. When the paint was dry, we stenciled flowers and leaves on the sides and the front, leaving space in the centre of the front of the box for my granddaughter’s picture. We sprayed the back of the picture with a spray adhesive before applying it to the box. We then allowed it to dry before we painted the entire box, including the picture with a latex varnish.

We measured the foam to fit the lid and then glued it to top of the lid. We then covered the foam and lid with the material we had chosen to match the box, stapling the material to the inside of the lid. For the tufting, we covered one self-covered button and using fish line, we pulled it through and stapled the fish line to the inside of the lid. We then glued the same material that we had used to cover the lid to the inside of the lid, covering the staples and completely covering the inside of the lid. We then attached the lid to the box using the two hinges using screws.

Box No. 2 - Dolphin Box

Materials Required:

Latex paint for water, sand and blending Sea sponge
(blue, grey and white) Brushes, 2”, 1” and detail brush
Latex colours for fish and name Wood glue, craft glue, small nails
(grey, black and blue) 2” foam for the lid
Vinyl for dolphins or silver metallic paint Material to cover the lid (inside & out)
Self-covered button for tufting the lid Hinges (2)
Stapler, staples and fish line
Hammer, screws

The inside of the box, as well as the water portion on the upper part of the outside of the box, was painted with a blue latex paint. While the water portion on the outside of the box was still wet, we blended white latex into the blue to give the illusion of water using gentle back and forth brush strokes. The sand portion was painted a light grey and with the sea sponge we used black to sponge on a textured effect. The fish were also painted a light grey and detailed with black, using the detail brush. We used vinyl for the dolphins on the front of the box but a silver metallic paint would work just as well. The bubbles were done by loading one side of a wet brush with blue paint and making a circle with the blue on the outside to form the bubble. The child’s name was painted in blue and highlighted with white paint.

The lid was covered in the same way as the Flowered Box.

Box No. 3 - Triangular Truck Box

Materials Required:

Various latex paints for trees, road, sky, truck and detailing (blue, white, brown, green, grey, black, red, yellow – other colours can be mixed by blending these main colours)
Latex varnish Brushes, 2”, 1” and detail brush
Small photocopied pictures of child Stapler, staples and fish line
Adhesive spray Sea sponge
2 Self-covered buttons for tufting lid Hinges (4)
2” foam for the lid Wood glue, craft glue, small nails
Material to cover the lid (inside & outside)
Hammer, screws

The inside of the box and the sky area on the outside were painted with pale blue latex paint. After the blue paint is dry on the outside of the box, white paint was sponged on to give the effect of clouds in the sky. (Wash sponge out immediately after using). Use light grey for the roadway, the birds and for some of the highlighting on the trees. After the trunks of the trees have been completed and are dry, sponge green on for the foliage. Paint truck on front of box. The sides have been finished similar to the front but instead of a truck, we have added a yellow bus on one side and a police car on the other. The small photocopied pictures of the child are placed in the windows of each of the vehicles using spray adhesive. After these are dry and all detailing is complete, varnish the entire box with a latex varnish.

Since a box with this type of design would be for a small child, the lid was done in two sections to make it easier for the child to lift. Each half of the lid was covered individually but in the same manner as the Flower Box above. Each half of the lid was attached to the box using two hinges and screws.

Box No. 4 – Medieval Box

Materials Required:

Latex paint (terracotta and beige) Sea sponge
Crackle glaze Paint Brush – 2”
Latex varnish Material for outside and inside of lid
Chain (for border around photo) Wood glue, craft glue, small nails
Child’s photocopied picture 2 hinges
Adhesive spray 2” foam for lid
Staple, stapler, fish line Self-covered button for tufting lid
Spray adhesive ¼” masking tape
Wood, approx, 6” x 2” (for name plate) Hammer, screws

The inside and the outside corners of the box were painted with the beige latex. After the paint is dry, use the ¼” masking tape to measure off the size of blocks you wish in the area of the corners. We measured the area to be 3 blocks high. We then painted the area with crackle glaze. After allowing the crackle glaze to dry for approximately one hour, we sponged on the terracotta latex paint, removing the masking tape shortly after to avoid pulling off any paint. After the paint had dried thoroughly, we masked the area we had just painted and did the center area in the terracotta latex paint. When the paint was thoroughly dry, we measured this area, dividing it with the ¼” masking tape, into the height of 4 rows. We then applied crackle glaze to this area and allowed it to set for approximately one hour before sponging on the beige latex paint. This was done on the sides and back of the box as well. We then removed the masking tape in this area. After the paint was completely dry, we sprayed the back of the picture with adhesive latex and placed it on the box. After the picture had dried on the box, we painted the entire outside of the box with the latex varnish. Measure chain to properly fit around the picture and use screws to attach to the box. The name was then painted on the wooden plaque and was attached to the box using wood glue.

Pieces of leather were appliquéd to the same material that I used to cover the inside of the lid of the medieval box. Imitation leather can also be purchased at most fabric stores for a nominal price as well as other materials which would work just as well. The lid was assembled and attached to the box in the same way as the Flower Box.

Box No. 5 – Baby Box

Materials Required:

Textured material for outside of box (white)
Material for inside and outside of lid and balloons (red)
2” foam for lid and around box Wood and craft glue, small nails
Latex paint (white) for inside of box 2 Hinges
2” brush Stapler, staples, fish line
Hammer, screws Self-covered button for tufting
Wood, painted white for baby’s name (6” x 2 ½”)
Trim for upper and lower edges of the box
String for balloons

The inside of the box and the piece of wood for the baby’s name were painted white and allowed to dry. We then measured and cut the 2” foam to fit the sides, front, back and lid of the box. The foam was glued to the outside of box, using craft glue. The textured material was attached to the box with staples and the trim was glued over this area to hide the staples on the top and bottom of the box. I then cut the oval shapes of the balloons from the excess red material and glued three large balloons and three small balloons to appear to be floating through the air on the front of the box. The puckered part of the balloon was done by gathering a running basting stitch through the top, tying off and gluing the top portion to the bottom of the oval portion of the balloon. The string was placed under the gathered portion of the balloon and glued to the white material. A white highlight was painted on the balloons using the white latex paint. We then painted “baby” on the piece of white wood before attaching with craft glue to the front of the box. This box is excellent for storing diapers and small everyday items that are constantly required for a baby.

The lid was then covered and assembled in the same way as the Flower Box.

It's A Party

2011-04-06T10:56:00.000-07:00

With a large family of five children and seven grandchildren, and being the social people we are, we have many functions and events throughout the year. Included are birthday parties, anniversaries, our monthly ethnic dinner group, our annual cookie exchange event, our pre-Christmas get-together for family and friends and of course, special occasions. This by no means is the sum total of our parties because other ideas reveal themselves to us as the year progresses such as mini-golf tournaments with participants returning to our place, a ‘christen the pond’ party or a housewarming, to name a few of the extra parties we host in a year. One year we held my daughter’s reception in our home. Most of our parties are fairly large which, for many people, would seem to be an intimidating thought but a party can be any size. Entertaining need not be ‘scary’ if your party is planned and well organized with careful thought from its inception. By planning ahead, preparing simple ‘make ahead’ dishes, and having everything in place before the guests arrive, entertaining really can be fun and enjoyable.

DETERMINING THE THEME

What kind of a party do you want to plan? This won’t be difficult if the occasion is a birthday, anniversary, wedding, baby shower or some other special occasion. But if you decide you would like to have a party and would like a theme, there are many ideas. We have planned parties around a certain ethnic food, a car rally, a golf tournament, a murder mystery evening (this one is limited to eight people), a 40th anniversary party of a 21st birthday (we often stretch far to come up with a theme), and Hallowe’en parties. We’ve also had a ‘we’ve got a surprise’ party (but with this you have to come up with a good surprise).

It’s important to decide whether the party will be for adults or will children also be included? It will make a difference when deciding on the food and set-up for the party.

INVITATIONS

Make a decision on how many guests are manageable for the space you have. It’s better to invite fewer rather than more than the space can comfortably accommodate. Space will be determined on whether it will be an outdoor or indoor party? Prepare your guest list. Phone, e-mail or send out invitations at least two weeks ahead of time. Three weeks is preferable, with a request for an R.S.V.P. If it is a ‘bring your own bottle’ type of party, specify on the invitation or else be prepared to have a good selection of beverages.

FOOD

Plan well in advance what type of food you will serve. Make it as easy for yourself as possible so you don’t spend ‘party time’ in the kitchen. I always plan ‘make ahead’ dishes and usually have buffet-style parties so that serving requirements are kept to a minimum. (This type of entertaining, without a doubt, is the easiest). Many dishes can also be frozen well in advance of the party. Occasionally we have ‘pot lucks’ planned as well as some that are volunteered.

Most appetizers also can be done ahead of time. If small children are included in the party, try not to have snacks that will be dropped all over the floor leaving a trail behind them to remind you of Hansel and Gretel in the forest. You will want to have clean-up kept to a minimum as well.

My menu items for informal parties usually include: lasagna, chili, cabbage rolls (all of which can be frozen), and potato salad, various cold salad-type dishes (which can be made a day or two ahead of time), and cold cuts and buns. Appetizers usually include: pate, spinach dip, cream cheese with seafood sauce dip (an extremely easy but popular appetizer), humus, and various chips and nuts, etc. (Most of these, I have to admit, are purchased to cut down on the work involved in preparing and having a party). Occasionally I will have an appetizer that requires heating.

For family or small group sit-down dinners I have had fondues with chicken, beef, European sausages, vegetables, perogies, seafood and assorted dips such as tartar sauce, teriyaki sauce, plum sauce, garlic butter, seafood sauce, etc. Fondues are nice in that all the preparation can be done ahead of time with the guests cooking their own meal. For other sit-down dinners, I have had ham, Swiss steak, turkey, etc., always with a large assortment of vegetables, and potatoes or rice and a dessert or birthday cake.

SET-UP

We use a 4’ X 8’ sheet of plywood (set up in our downstairs family room) covered with a tablecloth and put all the appetizers on this table. Decorations are dependent on what kind of a party it is and the time of the year it is. Candles are always on the table although are placed towards the back if there are small children attending. I usually put appetizers out for the first part of the party and the main dishes such as chili, lasagna, etc. are put out later in the evening. I use paper plates and napkins to cut down on my work (this is not the case for more formal sit-down dinners, of course).

If the party is a birthday, a ‘welcome home’, an engagement party or a shower, we usually put up an appropriate sign with the decorations but this is only our personal preference.

For those special occasions when we have a sit-down dinner, we use several 4’ X 8’ tables put together and can accommodate about 25 or so people. In most cases I try to prepare the dishes ahead of time and heat them at the last minute to be put out on the table with the help of a few extra hands. (This works well with almost all dishes).

In all cases, whether we are having a relatively informal party or a more formal occasion with a sit-down dinner, the tables and chairs, including set-up of the table, and anything else required are always set up well before everyone arrives so that relatively no party preparation will be required after the guests arrive. This keeps the last minute stress of entertaining to minimum.

I rely heavily on lists and find that this is the best way to organize the food, the set up and guest lists. When I make my menu of what I am going to serve, regardless of what kind of party I am planning, when the dish is completed, I put a check beside it and when it goes out on the table, I put a line through it. In this way, nothing will be forgotten. With the guest list, I check off when I’ve sent an invitation and then another check if they are attending or a line through if they are unable to attend.

The following is a sample menu for a non-sit-down Party

Cabbage Rolls
Chili
Rice
Tossed Green Salad
Buns
Dessert or Birthday Cake
(Except for the green salad, this entire menu can be prepared ahead of time)

Sample Menu for a More Formal Sit-Down Occasion

Swiss Steak
Mashed Potatoes
Mashed Yams with Brown Sugar
Cabbage Crunch Salad
Green Peas
Corn
Garlic Bread
Dessert of choice
(Except for the mashed potatoes, this menu can be prepared ahead of time)

Cabbage Crunch Salad (serves 8)

Salad
2 tbsp sesame seeds
½ cup slivered almonds
½ small to medium cabbage, shredded thinly
4 green onion, chopped
Handful of crispy noodles

Dressing
2 tbsp chicken noodle soup mix
½ tsp pepper
1 tsp sugar (or to taste)
¼ cup olive oil
3 tbsp white vinegar

Mix cabbage and onions with dressing, then add almonds and sesame seeds. Crumble noodles on top and serve. (Except for adding noodles to the top of the salad, this is best done a day ahead of time)

Swiss Steak (serves 8)

2 pounds eye of round
½ cup flour
2 tsp salt 2 tsp paprika
2 onions, sliced
1 large can stewed tomatoes
1 large can tomato sauce
½ tsp pepper
Olive oil

Cut meat into pieces, dip into flour seasoned with salt and paprika. Saute onions. Remove onions with slotted spoon, leaving oil in pan. Brown meat, remove from pan. Put remaining seasoned flour into pan, stir. When flour and fat are mixed thoroughly, add boiling water; enough to make some gravy. Add tomatoes and tomato sauce. If too thick, add more water. Pour over meat and onions in a casserole. Bake, tightly covered at 325 degrees or until meat is tender, approximately two hours.

Ethnic Entertaining

2011-04-06T10:34:00.000-07:00

As a group of eight friends, we began having monthly ethnic dinners taking turns at each of our homes. The host couple chooses the theme and provides the main course with the other couples bringing appetizers and dessert. For authenticity of the theme, we try to dress accordingly, play corresponding music and if possible, obtain appropriate ‘props’. The ethnic dinners have provided us with an excellent opportunity to taste foods we would probably never have ventured to try.

Our Chinese dinner fell on the weekend of the Moon Festival so we had moon cakes along with a variety of other Chinese desserts. (During Medieval times, messages were often hidden inside the moon cakes when the Chinese were at war with the Mongols.) We also dined on soya chicken, fried rice, a broccoli and beef dish and crab.

For our German dinner in December, I served goose, which is a traditional German Christmas dinner. We also had Baden leek soup, lentils and bacon, red cabbage, braised sauerkraut and Streusel coffee cake for dessert. To keep in line with the Christmas spirit, we had a small gift beside each plate.

Convinced that July would be wonderful weather, we chose to have our Caribbean dinner in the backyard with the river as our backdrop. Unfortunately, the heavens opened up sending us a deluge of rain. Not to be deterred, and because Caribbean seemed to be more of an outdoor event, we set up a canopy. It wasn’t quite how we had envisioned it but with the spinach soup, Jerk chicken, Caribbean rice, buttered spinach and tropical rums, we managed to overlook the rain.

For our Spanish dinner we feasted on Seafood Paella as the main course with rice, stewed eggplant, and Butterflied shrimps for appetizers. In an effort to feel Spanish for the evening, I wore an antique black shawl with a fringe that had once been a decorative table covering of my grandmothers and I had a decorative black fan that had previously belonged to an old aunt.

Dressed in saris and turbans, we had samosas as appetizers for our Indian dinner along with Chicken Jalfrezi, Tarka Dhal, Balti stir-fried vegetables and rice. Incense drifted throughout the rooms along with the Indian music.

French onion soup started our French meal as the French artists, the model and French maids sat down to enjoy yet another adventure in ethnic experiences. Potatoes Dauphinois, Ratatouille and Toulouse Cassoulet were followed with chocolates and liquers for dessert.

Moroccan fare included Harira, a lamb dish, seven vegetable couscous, schlada, olives with Moroccan marinades as an appetizer and Moroccan Serpent cake for dessert. Dressing as Moroccans was a little more difficult, although, one couple did manage to do so.

Thai food was another unforgettable dinner as the guest list expanded to include twelve ethnic adventurers. The menu consisted of Chicken and Coconut Soup, Sweet and Sour Pork Thai-style, Bamboo Shoot salad, stir-fry vegetables in coconut milk and Thai fried noodles. Dessert was a pudding made from red rice with a sauce of pureed raspberries. Although the pudding resembled oatmeal porridge, it proved to be delicious.

Italian and Mexican venues have also made their way to our tables with many more exotic dinners planned for the future.

The following are some of my favourite recipes that we have used for our meal menus,
although all of the food we have tried has been delicious.

Baden Leek Soup (German)

A good leek soup is made by using the white part of the leek as well as the tender yellow-green part.

Ingredients for 8

4 leeks 6 chicken bouillon cubes
½ cup margarine or butter ½ tsp salt
2 large onions, chopped 1 cup milk (or ½ and ½ cream)
6 cups water 1 cup finely chopped ham, optional

Slice leeks lengthwise; wash thoroughly then cut into 1” pieces.
Melt margarine in heavy saucepan and sauté leeks and onions until soft.
Add water, bouillon cubes and salt. Bring to a boil then reduce heat and simmer 8 – 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.
Add milk and heat. Ladle soup into serving dishes. Sprinkle with chopped ham.

Jerk Chicken (Caribbean)

Jerk refers to the blend of herb and spice seasoning rubbed into the meat before cooking.

Ingredients for 8

16 pieces of chicken

Jerk Seasoning

1 tsp ground allspice 2 tsp raw sugar
1 tsp ground cinnamon 2 garlic cloves, crushed
1 tsp dried thyme 1 tbsp finely chopped onion
½ tsp freshly grated nutmeg 1 tbsp chopped scallion
1 tbsp vinegar 1 hot chili pepper, chopped
2 tbsp oil salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 tbsp lime juice lettuce leaves for serving

Combine all seasoning ingredients in small bowl. Mash well with a fork to make a thick paste.
Lay chicken pieces lengthwise on a plate, making several slits in the flesh. Rub the seasoning over the chicken and into the slits.
Place chicken in a dish, cover with plastic wrap, marinating overnight in the fridge.
Before cooking shake off any excess seasoning, brush with oil and place on a baking sheet. Cook under a preheated broiler for 45 minutes, turning often.
Serve hot on lettuce leaves.

Tarka Dhal (Indian)

Tarka Dhal is probably the most popular of Indian lentil dishes. (A little curry can be added if desired).

Ingredients for 8

¼ cup masoor dhal 1 tsp garlic pulp
¼ cup moong dhal ¼ tsp ground turmeric
2 ½ cups water 2 fresh green chilies, chopped
1 tsp ginger pulp 11/2 tsp salt

Ingredients for Tarka

2 tbsp oil 4 dried red chilies
1 onion, sliced 1 tomato, sliced
¼ tsp mixed mustard and onion seeds

Ingredients for Garnish

1 tbsp chopped fresh cilantro
1 – 2 fresh green chilies, seeded and sliced
1 tbsp chopped fresh mint

Boil the two lentils in water with the ginger, garlic pulp, turmeric and chopped green chilies for 15 – 20 minutes until soft.
Mash the lentil mixture until the consistency of a creamy chicken soup.
If the mixture looks too dry, add a little more water. Season with salt.
To prepare the Tarka, heat the oil in heavy pan and fry the onion, mustard and onion seeds, dried red chilies and tomato for 2 minutes.
Pour the Tarka over the mashed lentils and garnish with fresh coriander, green chillies and mint.

Ratatouille (French)

Ingredients for 8

2 medium eggplants (about 1 lb)
4 – 5 tbsp olive oil 1 lge red or yellow bell pepper
1 lge onion, halved and sliced seeded and cut into thin strips
1 lge onion, halved and sliced 1 tsp dried herbs
2 – 3 garlic cloves, finely chopped de Provence salt and
11/2 lbs ripe tomatoes, peeled, seeded freshly ground black pepper
and chopped, or 2 cups canned 2 large zucchini, sliced
crushed tomatoes

Preheat broiler. Cut eggplant into ¾ inch slices. Brush with olive oil on both sides and broil until lightly browned, turning once. Cut the slices into cubes.
Heat 1 tbsp olive oil in heavy saucepan and cook the onion at medium-low heat for about 10 minutes until lightly golden, stirring often. Add garlic, pepper and zucchini and cook for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add tomatoes, eggplant cubes, dried herbs, salt and pepper and simmer gently, covered, over low heat for about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Uncover and continue cooking for 20 – 25 minutes more, stirring occasionally, until vegetables are tender and the cooking liquid has thickened slightly.
Serve the ratatouille hot or at room temperature.

Decorating Economically

2011-04-06T10:21:00.000-07:00

Not wanting to spend a lot of money on decorating but wanting to beautify our living space, we decided to decorate using our many ideas and paint. Our ideas began with a decision on what atmosphere we wanted to convey. We first discussed if we wanted elegant and formal which was what we decided on for our dining room; romantic, as we decided for our bedroom; or casual and comfortable which is the design we chose for our kitchen and sitting area. For the foyer, we wanted to accentuate the high ceiling, make a subtle statement and have an area that would be a suitable background for some of our antiques. For this room, we decided on a conservative medieval-type of theme.

Kitchen and T.V. Sitting Area

After we had decided on our ‘casual and comfortable’ theme, colour was the next decision. For the kitchen area, we were limited to a colour that matched the counter and backsplash. And because the sitting area was a continuation of the kitchen, we continued the colour, with a slight variation to the design. Fortunately, the colour we chose highlighted the leather furniture, accentuating it when previously it had appeared almost nondescript. We also brought in some navy accents to pull together the colours from the dining room.

Materials Required For the Kitchen and T.V. Sitting Area:

Medium Plum latex paint ½” Masking Tape Paint Tray
Light Plum latex paint String, pencil & thumb tack Paint Roller, 1” brush
Crackle Glaze Large sea sponge

We painted the entire area with the medium plum latex paint, allowing time for it to
dry thoroughly. We then penciled the half-circle design we wanted on the wall by
tacking string at the bottom of the wall in the centre of the design area and with the string being the length of the height of the tallest section of the design, we drewthe half-circle. We then masked the top portion of the half-circle. On the bottom portion we painted the crackle glaze over the medium plum paint. This glaze can be painted over with the contrasting latex paint in approximately one hour to four days. In this case, we allowed it to dry approximately two hours before applying the light plum latex on top of the crackle glaze with a large sea sponge. We found we had to be fairly quick when working with the crackle glaze to avoid overlap lines but the effect we achieved was well-worth the effort.

Dining Room

For the dining room, we chose a colour that would match our dinner set which is a colour I have always thought of as elegant. We chose navy, deep blues and white with deep blue sheer side panels and a draped valance so that our beautiful view of the river would not be obstructed.

Materials Required For the Dining Room:

Navy latex paint ¼” masking tape
White latex paint Paint Tray
1” Brush, roller Enough molding to separate top portion from bottom
portion. A purchased border would work as
a division also.

We painted the top portion with a coat of white paint. (It may require two coats depending on the colour to be covered). When the white paint was dry, we taped the stripes on the upper portion in the design we wished. We chose a pattern of stripes 5” between each series. Each stripe grouping was a ½” stripe of navy, 1” of the white, a 1” strip of navy, 1” of white and another ½” strip of navy. Other series of stripes would be equally effective.

We then painted the bottom portion navy. The deep blue sheers were the only other item that was added to give the room the elegant and formal look we were hoping to achieve.

Bedroom and Ensuite

For the bedroom, we chose green for no other reason than that I feel it is peaceful and serene and is one of my favourite colours. We designed a partial canopy over the bed using a pale sheer green material and with the same material, made tied-back side panels. We put white tied-back sheers on the patio window with a darker green for the draped valance so as again not obliterate our wonderful river view. Very little sewing was required for any of the projects we did. We also made the headboard for our queen-sized bed by cutting the shape out of a piece of ½” plywood, gluing a 3” thickness of foam to the plywood and covering the entire surface with a textured green fabric. The tufting was done by using self-covered buttons in a material that matched the trim on some of our decorative cushions. The buttons were pulled through using fish line and stapling it to the back of the headboard. Again this project required no sewing. We completed the look by sewing cushions in various greens, plain and patterned, to finish the effect we wanted.

Materials Required For the Bedroom and Ensuite:

Medium latex green paint 1” masking tape
Light latex green paint 1” Brush, roller and paint tray

We painted the light green latex paint on the top portion of the wall in the bedroom and the medium green latex paint on the bottom portion of three of the walls. On the main wall that the headboard is against, we used the medium green paint. Using the 1” masking tape, we measured off 1” squares as a division between the light and green paint in a haphazard pattern and in the upper corners we continued with the same checkerboard theme.

On the main wall in the ensuite, we used the checkerboard theme with the squares being 5” which worked because of the size of the room. In a smaller room, the squares may have to be a little bit smaller.

Foyer

For the foyer we painted the walls a medium terracotta colour and when the paint had dried, taped the wall so as to get a concrete block effect. We then painted the entire surface with a crackle glaze. After leaving the crackle for approximately 24 hours, we sponged on a creamy colour which, after the crackling was complete, gave the wall a look of old concrete brick. We did the opposite around the window and doors in an arched design to get the full effect of the high ceiling, with the grout being the lighter colour and the bricks themselves being the terracotta colour. On the main wall, using the same technique, we painted three windows, attaching actual window boxes to the bottom of each window and placing terracotta pots filled with silk plants. It is subtle because of the colours we chose but gave the medieval effect we wished.

Materials Required For the Foyer:

Medium terracotta latex paint Large sea sponge
Medium cream latex paint ¼” and ½” masking tape
Roller, 1” Brush, Paint Tray Crackle glaze

The look is definitely one of texture rather than paint because people are constantly touching the wall to see what type of material we used for the project.

Bathroom

To bring a little life into our tired main bathroom, we decided to introduce a new colour to go with the shades of gray we already had in the floor and tile surrounding the tub. The counter, sink, cupboards and toilet were all relatively new so it was not an expensive project. We decided to put a design on the wall using a darker gray with a white wave of colour in the center running diagonally down the wall from one corner to the other and a lighter shade of gray on the top. The other walls were also done in the lighter shade of gray.

Materials Required for the Bathroom:

Dark gray latex paint 1” brush, roller, paint tray
Light gray latex paint ½’ masking tape
White latex paint

We first drew our pattern on the wall where the white wave was going to be painted. We then painted the light gray paint on the top portion of the feature wall and on the remaining walls. When the paint was dry, we masked the light gray portion off before painting our white wave. After the white was dry, we masked it off and then painted the dark gray bottom portion. We did the frame around the mirror in the same dark gray paint. The door, door frame and baseboards were painted white.

We used white towels and a white shower curtain with subtle accents of gray to finish off the project to give us the look we wanted.

Throwing Together a Hawaiian Party

2011-04-06T09:37:00.000-07:00

Having a themed party is a fun way to entertain. I have used several themed variations for parties but thought the Hawaiian party was particularly enjoyable. The following are some ideas to assist you in hosting your own Hawaiian party.

First send out invitations with 'Hele mei hoohiwahiwa' written on the cards which means 'come celebrate'. Encourage each guest to come dressed in Hawaiian-style clothes and to be prepared for a relaxing evening in Hawaii.

We had Hawaiian music playing as guests arrived at our home. For decorations we used brightly-colored lanterns, tiki torches, bowls of flowers and wrapped a grass skirt around the bottom portion of the table. We placed pineapples and cocoanuts as decorative accents and handed leis to each guest when they arrived. Candles were placed inside the house as well as outside on the patio.

Besides Hawaiian music it is nice if you are able to get background sounds of surf. Even the sound of the now popular backyard water fountains would be a fitting background. And what would a Hawaiian-themed party be without a hula hoop contest?

The following are some food ideas for keeping with the Hawaiian theme:

- Serve Hawaiian Plantation Iced Tea made with pekoe tea, pineapple juice and spears of peeled pineapple.
- Mai Tais are also popular. They are made with a selection of light and dark rums, orange curacao, almond-flavored syrup, limes and orange juice.
- For an appetizer consider fried won tons or Ahi made from tuna steaks.
- For the main dish serve Hawaiian chicken kabobs, Hawaiian-style fried rice with Chinese pork sausage, pineapple chunks, green onion and oyster sauce.
- For a salad to go with your main dish try the following:

Tropical Salad with Pineapple Vinaigrette

6 slices bacon
1/4 cup pineapple juice
3 tbsp. red wine vinegar
1 /4 cup olive oil
ground pepper and salt to taste
1 – 10 oz. pkg. Romaine lettuce
1 cup diced pineapple
1/2 cup chopped and toasted macadamia nuts
3 chopped green onions
1/4 cup flaked and toasted cocoanut

Cook bacon until evenly browned then drain and crumble. Combine pineapple juice, red wine vinegar, oil, pepper and salt in jar with lid and shake well. Mix lettuce, pineapple, nuts, onions and bacon. Pour dressing over salad and toss. Garnish with toasted cocoanut.

When I think of Hawaii, my thoughts automatically turn to the popular luau celebration which is to roast a pig. For those who have the space, and the inclination to do this, the following steps are the way to do it:

- The size of the Imu pit depends on the size of the pig. For an average sized pig, the hole will need to be approximately 3 foot by 5 foot in size.
- Line the pit with dry kindling, firewood and rocks, then light the kindling on fire.
- Let the kindling and firewood burn for approximately one and a half hours until it has been reduced to ashes.
- Ensure that the hot rocks are evenly spaced in the pit and then cover them with about six inches of green vegetation. This can be things like stalks, cabbage or lettuce leaves. Larger leaves are better.
- Then place a layer of chicken wire over the vegetation.
- Place another layer of vegetation over the chicken wire and then place the pig into the Imu pit.
- Cover with an additional layer of vegetation followed by clean burlap sacks soaked in clean water. These will create additional heat.
- Next cover with heavy plastic sheeting and lastly with the dirt that was removed from the pit.
- An average sized pig will take about eight to ten hours to cook.

For most this will not be feasible but a Hawaiian party can be great even without the roasted pig. And if the weather holds, perhaps your guests will really feel as if they have been transported to the wonderful island of Hawaii. When they leave, say 'Mahalo nui loa na ho'olaule'a me la kaua', which means 'Thank you for celebrating with us'.

Fondues - An Excellent Way to Entertain

2011-03-30T21:41:00.000-07:00

There are many different types of fondues. They include cheese, usually used for breads; chicken or beef broth for vegetables; wine-based fondues, oil fondues which are the most common and chocolate which is great for dessert with fruit or cakes.

Fondues are an excellent way of entertaining for a sit-down dinner in that most of the work can be done well before your guests arrive. It is also a very relaxed, informal way of bringing guests together who may not know each other well. And because of the relaxed atmosphere, you can be guaranteed that there will be many laughs.

When food slips off the fondue fork we threaten that whoever loses something in the pot has to sing. Of course, since we don’t want to sing, we never insist that others do either although occasionally a brave soul will venture forth with a short tune. Quite often one guest or more has never been to a fondue so conversation opens up on what kind of fondues others have attended. Fondues are an extremely enjoyable form of entertainment and will often take up most of the evening.

With a fondue meal I include baked potatoes, wrapped in foil and pre-cooked, a salad, and either garlic bread, buns, bread sticks or cubed French bread. The vegetables can be almost anything that will hold its shape in the oil or fondue of choice. We have had carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, mushrooms, zucchini, yams, and green, red and yellow peppers. A few vegetables like eggplant will get mushy and you will often lose it in the pot. (If you want to try eggplant, practice your singing).

The meat is usually a sirloin tip roast cut into bite-sized cubes. Other meat items that are good in a fondue are sausages, veal and chicken. Seafood is also very good if you use a batter for dipping to give it a tempura effect. The batter is great for the vegetables as well. Perogies and chicken nuggets are also excellent when cooked in a fondue.

There are many sauces that can be made but I usually purchase most of the sauces I use. These include: teriyaki, plum sauce, sweet ‘n’ sour, tartar sauce, horseradish sauce and honey mustard. Many of the purchased sauces will work and experimenting with others will depend on your own personal taste. I also make a garlic butter (crushed garlic added to softened margarine or butter – to personal taste). The garlic butter is excellent with the vegetables, baked potato and perogies. Also include sour cream and bacon bits for the perogies and baked potatoes.

The following is a recipe for a Wine Fondue for cooking chicken, rabbit or veal:

1 - 750 m bottle of white wine 1 tsp sugar
1 – 2 inch piece of cinnamon stick 1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground coriander 1 tsp celery salt
10 black peppercorns, crushed 1/4 tsp. garlic salt
4 whole cloves

Pour wine into a saucepan, add rest of the ingredients and let sit for 1 hour. Then bring to a boil. Filter through a fine sieve or cheesecloth and transfer to the fondue pot. Bring to a boil before dipping bite-size pieces of raw meat into the boiling wine fondue. Remove meat when cooked.

Creamy Veggie Fondue (Cheese)

1/4 cup milk 1/4 cup frozen chopped spinach
1/4 cup white wine (thawed and drained)
1 – 8 oz pkg shredded Cheddar cheese 1 tsp ground dry mustard
1 – 8 oz pkg shredded Monterey Jack cheese 1 tsp ground cayenne pepper
1 – 8 oz pkg cream cheese, softened 1 tsp garlic powder
1/4 cup chopped green onions 1 tsp ground black pepper

Mix together milk, white wine, Cheddar cheese, Monterey Jack cheese and cream cheese over medium heat, stirring often until melted (about 10 minutes). Stir in green onions, spinach, dry mustard, cayenne pepper, garlic powder and black pepper. Continue cooking until all ingredients are well blended (about 10 minutes).
Put into fondue pot and keep warm. Can also be used as a dipper for bread sticks or cubed French bread and raw vegetables.

Batter (for seafood or vegetables)

11/2 cups sifted all-purpose flour
1 tsp salt
2 tbsp oil
1 egg, well beaten

Mix flour and salt together. Add oil, egg and about 1 cup cold water. Will make a
thick batter of approximately 2 cups.

Chocolate Fondue

12 oz. Chocolate (light, dark or white) Dippers:
3/4 cup cream Apple wedges, sliced bananas
1 – 2 tbsp brandy Pound or angel food cake
Dippers Mandarin orange segments, Pineapple chunks, marshmallows

Melt chocolate and cream over low heat and stir until smooth. Add brandy. It’s ready for dipping.

Things to Remember When Having a Fondue:

- Never put the hot fondue fork into your mouth. Include standard utensils on the table for eating.
- Be careful of the hot oil when cooking and using the fondue pot.
- 3 – 4 people per fondue pot works best.
- Use color-coded fondue forks to avoid confusion.
- Ideally have two fondue forks for each person.
- Have mats under fondue pots to avoid oil splatters on table and tablecloth.
- Be especially careful of cooking fuels for pots that are not electric. (If any of the fuel spills onto the mat or tablecloth, there is a potential for a fire, as we once discovered).
- Have separate dishes for the uncooked food so the cooked food can go on your dinner plate.

Enjoy!

Step-Parenting - Are There Gender Differences in Step-Families?

2011-03-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

Do boys react differently to girls in step-family situations? Is it easier to be a stepmother or a stepfather? Is it more difficult to be a stepmother to stepsons or stepdaughters?

Studies show that generally sons have less family involvement than do daughters who are closer to their mother and will usually make an effort to cut their stepfather some slack. Boys are not as likely to with a stepfather. Stepdaughters will not usually tolerate anything they see as mistakes made by their stepmothers and boys generally don't get involved in the problems between stepdaughters and stepmothers. Girls often have difficulties with loyalties because of their biological mothers, even if their mother has died. There will be more problems between stepsons and their stepfathers especially if the child feels the father is too heavy handed in forms of criticism or discipline. This usually does not apply to younger children. It is generally those over ten years old that will have more difficulty with their stepfathers.

Adding also to the difficulties between girls and their stepmothers is the daughter's attachment to her father. Her feelings and attitude may also model those of her mother which, if there is jealousy expressed by the biological mother, will intensify the situation. Stepmothers will rarely receive trust and love from a child if the ex-wife is still angry and bitter about the divorce. Children will quickly pick up on these feelings, especially if the issues are addressed openly to the child by the angry parent.

According to studies, the majority of adult stepchildren prefer having a stepfather to having a stepmother. The reason for this is probably because in most cases the mother gets custody of the children so it is much easier for the children to get to know their stepfather than it is for the stepchildren to get to know their stepmother because in most cases they will only see each other every second weekend or so.

It is, in most cases, easier to be a stepfather than to be a stepmother unless the father has taken a wife who is much younger than himself or the ex-wife. This can be uncomfortable for the adult children if she is not much older than they are. There may then be resentment and bitterness which will increase their support for their biological mother and cause them to be more protective of her and less welcoming to the new stepmother.

Another reason it is more difficult to be a stepmother is that usually the women are the ones who look after the home, do the cooking, the laundry and have more dealings with the children so stepchildren are more likely to have to spend more time in the company of their stepmother than with a stepfather so any problems there are, are going to be exacerbated by the extra time spent together.

When stepchildren are adults, there is quite often the concern of who the beneficiaries will be – the stepmother or the children. Daughters are more likely to be concerned about this than their brothers and often having better relationships with their fathers will get their father on their side, sometimes to the stepmother's detriment. In many cases, it is easier to be stepmother to stepsons rather than to stepdaughters when the children are older.

Although there are gender differences resulting in difficulties when being in a step-parent situation, they more noticeably affect the stepmother than the stepfather. With a new wife, a stepdaughter and possibly even an ex-wife all vying for the attention of the husband/father, jealousies and resulting tension further increases difficulties when step-parenting.

Parenting a Step-Child - The Wins and Woes

2011-03-24T15:53:00.000-07:00

Step-parenting is difficult. The negatives are heard more often than the positives when parenting in a blended family but there are things that can be done to make step- parenting easier. Perhaps some of the following suggestions will help you with your step- parenting woes.

Under the list of woes, most step-parents mention the lack of respect as one of the issues with comments such as 'why should I listen to you, you're not my real mother' (or father as the case may be). Other problems are when both the biological parent and child take sides against you; the child plays one parent against the other; children try to break the spouses up; having feelings of guilt because you may not feel the same way about your step-child as you do your own children, or when there are conflicts between the two partners. Other difficulties step-parents may face are not being invited to something while the birth parent is; the child lying about something you have said; ignoring you in your own home, or talking about the past at every chance they get so that you are excluded from the conversation. These are very real issues and can cause problems within blended families.

But there are wins also, Children learn from those they live with more than from anyone else. As a step-parent, you can be a positive role model and can experience the rewards of seeing your influence in the life of your step-child as they grow older. When you slowly and effectively erode your step-child's distrust of you by being loving, patient and kind and eventually witnessing the change in them. Young children especially will react to love if it is given consistently and without restrictions and often they will respond in kind. You will know then that the struggle has been well worth it. And especially if they one day call you their mother or father or introduce you as such.

There are many things that can be done to help towards having more wins than woes in your blended family. The following are some of the ways:

- offer loving guidance by helping your spouse in the role of parenting;
- it is important to begin slowly and let things develop naturally – children need to be ready to accept the change. And children know when adults are being sincere;
- the age of children will make a difference. Younger children will adjust more easily than older ones. According to statistics, children under ten are the most likely to accept a new adult into their life. Children between ten and fourteen years of age have the most difficulty adjusting to a step-family situation. Those who are fifteen years and older may have less involvement in step-family life as they are beginning to form their own identities;
- most older children prefer verbal praise and compliments rather than hugs and kisses;
- with older children it is preferable to begin on a friend-first basis;
- encourage your step-child's relationship with their own mother/or father. Children will appreciate this, even if they don't say it;
- success in blending will depend on several things. Among them are: How long ago did their parents divorce or the other parent die? How long and how well before the marriage did they know you? Did they see you often before the marriage? Were they fun events during the times you did see them? Does your partner have a good relationship with his/her children? How do the two ex's get along – is there tension and conflict? How much time do you spend with the children? If it is only every second weekend, it will take much longer to build a relationship;
- allow birth parent and children time together on their own;
- put the needs of the child first;
- be consistent with house rules for all children living in the house;
- create your own family traditions that everyone can be involved in – ones that will excite everyone. It takes time to develop a family history;
- have open communication, positive attitudes, mutual respect, patience and lots of love;
- be realistic and don't expect too much;
- don't disrupt an already established routine. Don't come in like a bulldozer and expect things to be your way;
- don't take things personally. There is a lot involved in the dynamics of any family and all changes take time and adjustment;
- remember that children, no matter what their age, need to feel safe, secure, loved and appreciated.

With patience, tolerance, hard work and a lot of love, there is a good opportunity to enjoy more wins than woes. But if the children are still not coming around, at least know you're trying your best and it may just take a little longer, especially if you are dealing with older children. Everything worth achieving takes time.

Single Parent Families - How to Make Your Children Feel Loved

2011-03-17T15:57:00.000-07:00

When parents have separated, children may not feel as loved as they once did. Because the custodial parent is usually busier and the other parent is gone, it is particularly important as a single parent to make that extra effort to ensure that your children do feel as loved as they did before.

The following are some ways you can do this:

- being loving with them which may mean not taking your frustrations out on them, it is not their fault;
- respecting them and their opinions;
- ensuring that their environment is as calm and stress-free as possible, even when your world isn't;
- count your blessings together. Once you start counting, you may find there are many more than you thought there were;
- teach them the importance of being responsible;
- be a good role model for your children;
- have a positive attitude and show a happy face in their presence;
- be supportive to them at all times. Let them know they can depend on you;
- ensure their well-being by keeping them safe;
- provide them with their emotional needs;
- put 'I love you' notes or 'I'm thinking of you' notes in their lunch bag or knapsack;
- tell them often that you love them. Children can never hear this too often;
- read or sing to your child;
- praise them often;
- give them lots of hugs, kisses and good attention;
- give them encouragement when it's needed;
- snuggle together and watch a movie;
talk to and listen to them;
- spend as much time with them as possible;
- ensure that they have adequate sleep;
- do fun things together, i.e.: go to the water park, spend a day at the beach, go for a walk, have a picnic, take day trips, play tourist in your own city or get out and enjoy nature. There are many free things to do that children can enjoy;
- play a game together, i.e.: kick around a soccer ball, do board games, etc.;
- bake cookies together;
- make special dinners for your child so that he can feel important or take him for lunch;
- do a craft project together;
- learn something together, i.e.: sign language, play the piano or learn about birds or sea life, etc.;
- let them know how much you appreciate them and how much you enjoy their company.

It is particularly important for your child to feel loved when being a single parent is a new situation. When we have newly separated, our children should be primary in our concerns, not meeting another partner. Any time spent searching for someone new or getting to know another person takes time away from our children at a time when they need our attention the most.

It is also a good time to get to know your children and appreciate the special people they are.

Putting Together a Photo Collage - A Great Gift Idea

2011-03-16T15:46:00.000-07:00

Doing your own photo collage can be fun and entertaining. Collages can be done traditionally or by downloading any one of the many templates which are available online. The following are ideas on how to do collages in the traditional way:

Begin by using construction or scrapbook paper which you can attach your pictures to to form the beginnings of your collage. This can be done by abutting each picture or by cutting pictures in the shape of puzzles pieces and fitting them together as you would when you are doing a puzzle. Pictures can also be cut out to leave no background and either put on to a background of your choice such as a scenery or in front of a favorite car, a restaurant, your home, a scene such as the Alps or the Eiffel Tower or from any trip you may have taken. Pictures can also be placed haphazardly on any of the backing papers.

There are wide varieties of scrapbook paper available along with large assortments of decorative pieces at any hobby or craft store. These can be added to each page along with other contrasting items such as feathers, fabric, tin foil, tissue paper, pressed flowers or pressed autumn leaves to give a dimensional appearance. For one collage a person could use several different types of background paper and photos can be in a variety of sizes and shapes. Using the same photos, you could have a different gift for each person on your list.

Clippings can be used from magazines or newspapers also. Words can be cut from various sources or you can do your own on your computer experimenting with different fonts and font sizes. Try tearing the edges or singeing the edges of your pictures with a lighter flame to give an interesting effect. Because collages are usually more attractive when there is texture, a variety of mediums can be used. In a collage of wedding pictures, part of the guest list could be added or pressed flowers from the bride's bouquet. In a collage for a young girl's graduation, a fan could be added. For the college graduate's collage, include the invitation or the event's program. When doing a collage for baby's first year include a small clipping on his or her hair.

Collages can be done for all sorts of occasions. Most friends and family members would be delighted to receive a collage that represents their special day such as their wedding, engagement party, the birth of their new baby, their birthday celebration or birthday pictures of someone close to them. It can be of your son's hockey play-offs, your brother playing in a soccer tournament, your daughter's ballet, your mother's seventy-five birthday party, photos of the first birthday celebration of your baby for the grandparents, pictures of your trip to Greece or a sailing trip. You can capture and record special times in your life such as your Christmas, Easter or Thanksgiving family celebrations by making a collage for all your family members. Collages can also be made of various scenery you have taken in places you have visited.

Collage comes from the French word coller which means to glue. Glue sticks might be sufficient for photos or any paper additions but for anything with texture, you may require a white glue.

There is no limit to what collage theme you can choose to do or how you wish to place your photographs or decorate the collage. As you work on your collage, you will come up with many ways of doing it. Even when using the same pictures, depending on what mediums you have to add to your collage, you can have several different effects.

The only thing that will limit the type of collage you can do will be your imagination. Good luck and have fun.

How Can You Help a Baby Crawl?

2011-03-16T15:30:00.000-07:00

How can I help my baby crawl and when can I expect my baby to crawl are questions of concern for new parents. If, as a new parent, we are concerned that our baby does not seem to be crawling as early as we think they should, we can help them with this developmental milestone.

Since the Back to Sleep campaign which began in 1994, encouraging parents to put their babies on their backs to sleep so as to reduce the risk of SIDS, babies often don't crawl as early as they once did. It is suspected that the reason for this is that some babies spend very little time on their tummies. It is this tummy time that helps to encourage crawling so it is important to give your baby as much time on their tummies as possible.

Some babies, because of too little tummy time, skip crawling altogether. They instead will begin to pull themselves up, as their strength allows, will stand and hold onto things, and eventually will walk when they are ready, completely bypassing the crawling stage.

As for crawling, babies do this in many different ways. There is the traditional crawl on hands and knees and usually begins between six and ten months. Some will also do the bottom shuffle or will slide on their stomachs, pulling themselves along with their arms to get where they want to go, and some will walk on all fours as my daughter did, not using her knees at all. And often they will begin to move backwards before they get the forward motion happening.

Some of the ways to encourage your baby to crawl are:

- Lay baby on his tummy with a soft but firm cylindrical-shaped object under the upper portion of his body for support so he can get a good view of his surroundings from the tummy position.
- Put baby on his tummy and lie on the floor in front of your child and talk, sing and amuse him. Perhaps hold a toy that he is interested in trying to reach.
- When baby is lying on the floor on his tummy, put his arms and legs in the crawl position and put brightly colored toys on the floor in front of him. When one of my sons was ten months old and had shown no interest in crawling, I put the budgie cage on the floor in front of him. The budgies were his motivator.
- Sit on the floor with your legs straight out in front of you. Lay baby across your legs with his upper body on one side of your legs and his lower body on the other. This position will encourage him to try and get over your legs.
- Lay a bath towel on the floor and place baby tummy down across the width of the towel. Pick up the ends and raise until baby's hands and knees touch the floor encouraging him with some of his weight on the floor and a brightly colored toy on the floor in front of him to reach for.
- Get a colorful floor/play mat for baby to have his tummy time on. Many of them have areas that squeak or crunch and have various textures that babies like. When he becomes familiar with the different things on the mat, his curiosity will encourage him to reach for them.
- One thing I found very good and which takes advantage of a baby's natural curiosity is placing a mirror in front of, but out of reach of your baby. Curiosity will encourage him to move towards the other baby.
- Keep in mind also that babies love bright colors, toys that roll, ones with visual stimulation and those that are musical.

If your baby is still not inclined to crawl, he may just be waiting for the walking stage. I believe that the personality of babies also have a bearing on their readiness. My son who didn't crawl until he was over ten months, didn't walk until he was fifteen months. And today he has a peaceful nature and is an easy-going person.

Family Fun With Games

2011-03-11T09:10:00.000-08:00

Playing games together is not only fun but it is a good means for families to create a tight bond and establish long lasting memories. Having a family game night encourages communication while having fun.

When having a family game night, plan a special dinner beforehand and possibly pick a different family member's favorite recipe each time. And while games are being played, provide finger-food treats such as suitable appetizers, chips, dip and nibblers.

Also, when planning a game night with family, it will be important to pick games appropriate to the age of any children that may be attending. If there is a big range in ages, it is a good idea to play games that young children will be interested in and then play games that are suitable for those who are older after the younger ones are in bed.

Some of the games that young children enjoy are memory card games, matching card games, board games that encourage early math learning in a fun way, as well as early reading cards that are in a game format. Another game children like is Statues. Play some music suitable for children and periodically stop it, having children freeze and become statues when the music stops.

For older children, and the adults in the family, there are such games as Sorry, Operation, Pictionary, Concentration, Go Fish and Balderdash. The game of Balderdash is a particular favorite for my family and we always enjoy a lot of laughs when we play it.

For those who want to get up and be active, there is Twister, Charades and Wii interaction games. And for those who want to test their brain skills, include such games as Trivial Pursuit, Scrabble, Clue, Jenga, Scattegories, Yahtzee, Uno and Rummoli. There are a lot of card games also that are a lot of fun such as Hearts. Hearts is another one of our favorite games to play as a family.

When the weather is nice, there are outdoor games that can be played together as a family which can include even the young children. These can be ones such as Bocci Ball, croquet and badminton. Another idea is to get a game of scrub baseball together if your family is large enough or organize your own sports day and have challenging racing competitions. Some of these races could include carrying an egg on a spoon, the three-legged race, hopping with a ball between your knees or relays, if you have a large family group.

Having family game nights encourages family communication and closeness that will increase as the children grow older. Most of our game nights follow dinners for birthdays or in the evening on New Years Day. Another popular time for us to play family games is when we have our annual family vacations which usually includes several family groups within the family. The children in the family look forward to our game nights.

Games to Play at Get-Togethers

2011-03-09T15:32:00.000-08:00

Single Parents and Loneliness

2011-02-18T21:55:00.000-08:00

For those who have made the decision to be single, many will discover that loneliness is a constant companion. For others, loneliness may not be a factor. What can you do to avoid feeling lonely when you are a single parent?

After the children are in bed is when you many may feel the pangs of loneliness. But when it's peaceful and quiet may be the perfect time to put this alone time to good advantage. Now may be the opportunity to take up a hobby, explore interests that you have previously put on the back burner, take an online course to further your education, take a night school course and learn something fun while you're meeting new people, call a friend to talk or invite a friend over for coffee. Stay connected with family and friends because it's important to build a support network to call when loneliness does whisper in your ear.

Other loneliness fighters are spending time in nature. It's also a great stress reliever. Take the children to the playground, the zoo or the water park and talk to other parents. Do volunteer work because if you're doing something for other people, you won't be thinking about yourself, and the bonus is, you'll be meeting other single parents. Go to the gym. A good workout helps everyone's state of mind. When meeting people be outgoing and put a smile on your face. The majority of people will not ignore a smile and a friendly face. Initiate conversations, many people are shy about doing this. All of these things will not only help you meet new people but will increase your self-esteem and confidence. Do not wallow in self-pity – it's a complete waste of time.

There are also many singles social groups available both online and in your community where people organize outings like hikes, bowling, movies, potlucks and trips. Everyone will be in the same position as you are. Or organize your own group with single friends.

The secret I found to not being lonely was being busy and having a purpose in my life. When I was single and raising five children on my own, I was too busy to think about being lonely. Who can be with so many children and their friends around? This time alone with your children is a good opportunity to enjoy them and you may find, as I did, that when they grow older, they will be some of your best friends.

Loneliness to me is abstract. It's a feeling, not something you can put your finger on. And as a feeling, I believe it can be changed to a belief in your own abilities, strengths and what you are capable of doing. When your life is full, you will have too much happening to be lonely. By doing this, you may find that loneliness becomes something you never think of, because you don't have time.

Loneliness does happen to many people but there are ways to avoid its grasping tentacles by being open, approachable, friendly and busy. And spending time with your children will give your life purpose. And both they and you will benefit.

Sibling Rivalry - Conflict and Family Chaos

2011-02-16T09:11:00.000-08:00

Sibling rivalry can start before a second child is born while the first child watches the preparations and excitement as parents prepare and await the new arrival. Mom may be tired and not able to give child number one the attention he had so recently enjoyed. According to studies done, children as young as fifteen months are very aware of changes such as these. Once the new child arrives, and we all know that babies take up a lot of time, the older child will very likely have feelings of jealousy. As he becomes older there will be competition and possessiveness concerning what he considers belongs to him.

This will be even more the case as they grow older especially if the children are the same gender. The older one may assert his will over the younger one. If the younger child is easy going and isn't bothered by being bossed, there likely will not be a problem. But if the younger one, or especially if both children are strong-willed, there will probably be sibling rivalry in some form.

This was the case with my two brothers who were thirteen months apart. Both determined, neither had any intention of backing down. They competed in everything and fought about things that were of no consequence. My mother spent her days yelling at them and slamming doors as her anger increased. This didn't help the situation.

As adults the sibling rivalry between them is as strong as it ever was. Unfortunately, they rarely talk to each other and see each other only when they are in company with me. Although we were all within three years, neither had a problem with me because I was a girl.

According to studies, it is important how parents handle sibling rivalry. Parents should try not to get involved in disagreements unless there is the possibility of physical harm. If parents become involved, other problems may be created such as one child thinking that the other child is getting more attention, preferential treatment or is being overly protected.

If parents step in, children won't learn to work out their problems on their own and will wait instead for parental intervention. If safety issues are not a concern, the only intervention should be separating the children and allowing them to have a cool down period.

When children learn to solve their own problems, they learn to value other people's opinions, learn to negotiate and compromise and learn how to get along with others in an appropriate manner.

Parents should set appropriate rules of behavior to be followed, they should try to give each child equal parent time, make sure that each child has their own space, let each child know they are loved, do things together as a family, and when children fight constantly over the same thing, set up a time schedule of use for the item in question. And if all things fail, establish regular family meetings to discuss sibling conflict.

It is important to remember that, as with all of us, each person has a different disposition, propensity for varying moods, ability to adapt to different situations and our own unique personalities which will all play a part in our ability to get along. But with sibling rivalry, the predominant issue seems to be competition and jealousy, particularly if they are the same gender and close in age.

The Advantages of Three Generations Living Together

2011-02-15T21:59:00.000-08:00

In some cultures multiple generations living together, is the norm, rather than the exception. Because there are so many advantages to this style of living, it's a wonder that more people haven't adapted to it. The following are some of the advantages to shared living:

1.Financially it helps all those involved as they pool their resources for overhead such as mortgage or rent, electricity, gas, cable, phone, internet and any other costs. By doing it this way, per family costs are greatly reduced.

2.Keeping the yard and house maintained is easier too because there are more people available to help.

3.When expenses are shared, each family can save more money for extra things, i.e.: cars, trips or a house of their own.

4.There are always babysitters available for the younger children.

5.There is not so much wastage as when cooking; there's always someone to eat the leftovers.

6.Cars, clothes and other things can be shared.

7.It helps family members each build up equity, if that's the way they've set it up but at the very least, to be able to save for a down payment.

Three of my children and myself did this although it wasn't one house we shared. Together we bought a fourplex and each family group had their own private space. But we all contributed equally to the mortgage and monetarily and physically to maintenance of the yard and the building. When painting and other things had to be done, we all pitched in. There was always someone available for babysitting; my daughter and I shared clothes, and we didn't have to go very far to celebrate Christmas, Easter , Thanksgiving and birthdays.

It helped to maintain the closeness we already shared although admittedly it could go the other way too. Even though we were family we drew up a list of rules when we bought the fourplex to help eliminate any potential problems there might be in the future. We determined designated parking spots, how it would be handled if one family group didn't want to be involved any longer and how we would handle it when there was a decision made to sell it. We also had rules concerning if at any point it became a rental unit. We set up a bank account that dealt with mortgage payments and bills relating to the property only. And a separate file was kept for everything relating to our joint home. One person was designated to oversee things but family meetings were held regularly.

After joint ownership of twelve years, the fourplex was eventually sold as families began to want and need more space, and the equity was divided. Each of my children who were involved, had a sufficient amount for a down payment for their own home. And I went on to purchase another home with another son who was too young at the time to be involved. He now has the opportunity to get into the housing market as well.

Sharing, cooperating and working together was a win-win situation for everyone in our family. However, for most it will require tolerance, patience. humor and a common goal in order for it to work. But it can be fun and it is definitely doable.

Resiliency and Your Child

2011-02-14T15:20:00.000-08:00

Resiliency is the ability to be able to bounce back from adversity, the ability to cope and to remain hopeful and optimistic even during difficult times. Children who are able to do this can rise above even the most challenging of childhoods.

From studies, it has been determined that resilient children have learned their coping skills from at least one nurturing adult in their life. The common denominator with most resilient children is that they've had at least one caring and interested adult in their life who has been supportive and has offered continuity and consistency in their lives.

Resilient children have characteristics such as self-confidence, the ability to control their feelings and the ability to solve problems. They generally feel competent, have positive and realistic attitudes, are persevering, have an easy-going temperament and have social skills that are more likely to adapt to adversity.

As parents it is important to help children become resilient and to believe in themselves. It is necessary to accept them for who they are, to talk openly with them, and to ensure that the child knows he/she is loved and accepted. It is important also to role model and show that optimism can endure in the face of adversity; to be positive; to give a child a level to work to; to laugh with children even when things are not going well and to discuss with a child how he can deal with his problems.

Creative activities help children manage stress by helping them to relax. Enjoy nature, it's a great resilience builder. It's important that children realize stress is in everyone's life; it is part of our journey through life, and teach them also that challenges help to build character and self-esteem. Children should be encouraged to discuss their fears.

Children need to feel that they belong, they need to have some input into their lives and some control over their environment. And all children want to be noticed; to know they matter. They require flexibility in their lives and the opportunity to make wise decisions.

Those who lack resiliency can become easily depressed. They will behave and think in a self-defeating manner. They will lack self-esteem and self-confidence and they will be unable to handle adversity with any kind of success.

When you raise a child who is able to cope with adversity, you are giving that child the tools to be successful in life regardless of whatever challenges are thrown his or her way. He will learn to have a sense of purpose and will have the ability to work with self-confidence towards his/her goals.

Valentine's Day - Should It Be Abolished?

2011-02-14T15:14:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day gives those, who otherwise may not remember the important someone in their life, the opportunity to do something special for them. In general most women enjoy Valentine's Day, the stores love it and men for the most part hate it. Below are some ideas on how everyone can enjoy Valentine's Day.

Most when asked will say that if you are single, Valentine's Day can feel like the loneliness day of the year. But perhaps expectations for this special day are too high. Expectations can be changed. Valentine's Day can be fun for everyone, depending on how you view it and your perceptions on what you think it means. It need not be only for couples but for children and families and anyone else you hold dear to your heart. No one need feel lonely on this day if they have family or close friends, even if they are single.

Make your Valentine's Day a day from your heart, not from your bank account; ignore the commercial extravaganza and make your own traditions for this day. Valentine's Day does not put value on you as a person. There is no shame in being single; many people choose to be and are very happy with their status. For those people Valentine's Day may be about other people – friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, your pet – it can be for anyone you care about.

If you have children, you can encourage them to be part of the fun. Help your children deliver valentines, bake cupcakes with them, and let them invite some friends over to watch a movie. Or have your own friends over for coffee and a Valentine's cake.

For couples in relationships, many say there are gray areas they don't know how to handle depending on the length of their relationship or the status of it. Some of these concerns are what kind of card to get, how much money to spend on a gift, or what may be appropriate. Perhaps before the big day arrives, it would be easier to make these decisions if each person knew exactly what the day means to the other. This would help to eliminate possible disappointments on Valentine's Day. It is also a good opportunity for communication.

Or you could make the decision together to treat your loved one as if it was Valentine's Day every day by making them feel as if they were a special friend by being complimentary, courteous, polite and thoughtful. And throw a large dose of affection in for good measure.

I personally would not like to see Valentine's Day abolished in spite of how commercial it has become. I believe most men and women in their busy lives would not remember to do anything romantic if there was not a day like Valentine's set aside for them.

How To Help Your Child Make a Family Tree

2011-02-09T22:05:00.000-08:00

Children are usually very interested in learning about their family history. Making a family tree is the ideal way to help them do it. This is a fun project that can be done together with your child or grandchild.

1. Get a small binder or scrapbook and have child put a picture of himself/herself on the cover and let them decorate it accordingly. Also on the outside he/she can print 'My Family Tree'.

2. On the first page he/she can draw a large picture of a tree with as many branches as will be needed for all of the family members that will be added. He/she can then color the tree and add a few leaves.

3. Print the names of all the known family members on the branches beginning with child's name and any siblings he/she may have on the lowest branches. Then add the parents' names on the next branches. Above those branches will be added the parents of their mother and father (their grandparents) on each of the appropriate branches. Continue in this way with as many family names as are known, each on their appropriate branches of the tree.

4. On the following page print the name of the child and add information such as: full name, age, birth date, weight at birth, color of hair and eyes, current weight and height, what they are interested in, who their friends are, if they have a pet add the pet's name and any other information they would like to add about themselves to their page. Then attach a picture of the child to their own page.

5. Do the same on separate pages for each of the child's siblings with a picture of each brother and sister added also on each of their own pages.

6. On additional separate pages do the same for each of the parents, the grandparents and any other relatives that have been added to the family tree with as much information as can be obtained. The questions on these pages could include where they were born, where they went to school, if they have brothers or sisters, what type of things they enjoyed when they were children, did they live in the country or in the city, did they have far to go to school and any other questions that they would like to have in their family tree book about their relatives. Also, when possible attach appropriate pictures to each page for each family member.

This gives a child the opportunity to connect with his relatives and by getting to know them, to create a closer bond. It also gives the child a chance to communicate in an equal conversation with their older relatives. It will help to instill self-esteem and confidence in a child by allowing him to see his importance in the family unit.

What Are Your Values?

2011-02-09T17:24:00.000-08:00

Values are strong beliefs of what is right, wrong or inappropriate and these values form the basis of our character. Do you know what your beliefs and principles are?

Most of our values are derived as influence from our family, friends, peers, school and the reading we have done. They are not only influenced by what we have seen but also by what we perceive ourselves to have seen and heard. Our personal behaviors are based on these values and principles and will determine the character we have.

These values and beliefs are based on such things as honesty. The act of being honest can be an active resistance to temptation. But for some, they may feel that it's okay to be lax in certain instances, i.e.: if they see someone drop some money and don't return it to them, their friend takes the blame for something they did, they get someone else to do their homework, they don't tell the truth, or they steal something that doesn't belong to them.

Integrity is another important value. Having integrity is when we're fair and upright and we don't bend the rules to suit ourselves or to get things our own way. It is moral behavior which establishes a moral character; it is knowing what is good and doing the good. Integrity is also having an ethical code of conduct, being trustworthy and scrupulous.

Other values have to do with how loyal we are to those who are close to us, can we be depended upon when we say we will do something, are we responsible for our actions, are we accountable for our behavior, are we ambitious or are we lazy, are we optimists or pessimists, do we have generosity of spirit or are we misers, do we show respect for others, do we think we are the only one who is ever right, do we show consideration for others, are we kind, are we able to feel empathy and compassion towards others, does anger flow from us like water from a sieve or are we generally even tempered with a good disposition?

Studies indicate that over the years people's value systems have changed. People used to be much more honest with even minor things. We considered our neighbors – now few of us even know our neighbors. In schools teachers used to worry about children chewing gum in class and running in the halls; now teachers have to concern themselves with students bringing guns to school and coming to classes drunk.

When we think about the values and beliefs we possess, do they indicate that we are of good character or do our values and principles need a major shake up? Can we say that we are passing on good values to our children? Have you thought about what your values are lately?

Parenting - The Power of Praise

2011-02-04T14:29:00.000-08:00

Praise to children can feel like a soft kiss, a gentle hug or of being enveloped in love, if it is given in the proper way and at the correct time. Drowning a child in empty praise will cause even a small child to question your sincerity and the reasons why you feel you have to do it. Praise, when properly used, can prepare a child for a lifetime of success.

Praise by parents is often an emotional reaction to something a child has done well. It shows appreciation. If it is good loving attention and compliments, not the leaping through hoops kind of praise, children will feel good about themselves. According to some studies, it will build up their confidence and self-esteem and will motivate them towards further achievement. It is a gift for a job well done. My father was very good at this type of praise and I can still remember the feelings of being loved that it instilled in me.

As a parent I also tried to pass this type of praise on to my own children, and knowing how I felt, tried to give them the same feelings of love and sense of self-confidence. However, when praise is overdone, it becomes valueless and defeats the whole purpose of praise. By giving children the strength to recognize their strengths, they realize that they are in control of what they can accomplish.

It's also important to remember that the same praise will not work for every child because each child has their own strengths and talents and most importantly, their own unique personality.

Positive praise is based on specific behaviors that focus on accomplishments and encourages them to focus on what they have done well which will allow them to try again and to keep on trying. It is positive reinforcement and affirms their strengths and individual talents.

Based on studies, indications show that negative praise is voiced as an expectation, i.e.: you're the prettiest girl in your class, or you're the smartest boy in your class. Children will feel pressured with this type of praise. Praise should be about their good qualities but not as compared with other children. Also, negative comments made about a child, i.e.: he is so shy, she never tries to do anything new, he has so much trouble making new friends – if done within the hearing of the child, will almost always ensure that they live up to these opinions about themselves because they will think it is true. And praise should never have anything to do with their value as a person, i.e.: you did a good job this time, much better than last time. With praise like that a child may never want to try again in case the result is the same as last time.

If praise flows through a child offering him or her encouragement and love, the feelings of self-confidence and self-esteem can only grow, allowing them as they get older, the ability to internally validate themselves. Researchers feel that those who learn to internally validate themselves will grow up being able to know themselves when they have done a good job without the necessity of praise.

What Does Success Mean To You?

2011-02-04T14:27:00.000-08:00

Before we can be successful, we have to determine what success means to us. Most of us have a vague idea but if we haven't got a clear concept, how can we work towards it?

In order to be successful in anything, we need to have a clear picture of what we want, determine what we have to do to get it, and make the decision to focus and work with diligence and perseverance towards that goal.

In business, success can be considered to be the positive impact we have on our targeted market. Or it can be based on how much money we make, how high up the corporate ladder we can climb, or what our standing is in the community. Some of us may consider our success in terms of how new our house or car is, how fancy and expensive our furniture is or what we can provide for our children in the way of material possessions. Others may view their success in terms of their positive impact on what they do for their co-workers, friends, neighborhood and family.

There are other ways of looking at success too. How successful have we been in parenting our children – are they growing up to be happy, well-adjusted and productive members of an adult society? Or we can look further at people such as Martin Luther King, a civil rights leaders who helped raise the awareness of racial inequalities; Abraham Lincoln who dedicated his life in attempting to abolish slavery; Florence Nightingale who spent her life serving others as a nurse, often in extremely adverse conditions; Albert Einstein, considered a humanitarian, he spoke out against nuclear weapons. He was also considered to be an undisputed genius. And last but not least, Mother Theresa, a Nobel Peace Prize winner who dedicated her life to serving the poor and destitute. Although most of them did not die rich, they can definitely be considered successes in their lives.

Why? Because they set out to do what they planned to do; they achieved their goals, fulfilled their potential and put one hundred percent into everything they did. And they left the world a better place.

Success can be achieved by any one of us. We can help those who need help, we can work toward raising children that will improve the world, and we can put others before ourselves whether in our careers or our personal lives. However, success may mean something completely different to you but whatever it means, it cannot be achieved without putting one hundred percent of your effort into it.

The following quote says it all:
'Some people dream of success while others wake up and work hard at it.' Author Unknown

Mother-in-Laws - How to be a Mother-in-law to Your Daughter-in-Law

2011-02-03T14:02:00.000-08:00

What can a mother-in-law do to have a positive relationship with her daughter-in-law? The following are some of the things we can do to enhance this important relationship and ensure that life does not become a battlefield.

- Don't interfere in your son and daughter-in-law's lives. This includes things such as: not dropping in unexpectedly, giving unasked for advice, overstepping the boundaries, or mentioning possible events to grandchildren without first confirming with their parents;
- Because most young families lead exceedingly busy lives, be aware of this and don't call when it is the children's bedtimes, their meal times or when you know they are rushing out the door to go to school, a soccer practice or music lessons;
- Be an involved fun grandparent but only as much as their parents want you to be. It will no doubt be appreciated also if you are available for occasional babysitting;
- If babysitting, try to follow the parents' rules and way of doing things. This may be more important with some families than with others. With one son and his family and with my daughter, they feel it's a grandparent's right to do things their way. But with two other sons and their families, they have very definite ways of doing things. In this case, it's particularly important to respect their wishes in order to avoid family conflicts;
- If offering help to your daughter-in-law, don't be offended or hurt if she asks her own mother or a friend instead. Each person has their own way of doing things and sometimes a daughter-in-law may not have the confidence to tell her mother-in-law that isn't how she wants something done;
- Be friendly and affectionate but don't expect that your daughter-in-law will have the same relationship with you that she has with her own mother; after all you are the mother-in-law, not the mother. To expect otherwise is only asking for heartache;
- However, do treat your daughter-in-law as lovingly as you do your son and grandchildren keeping in mind the boundaries each person establishes. All boundaries should be honored;
- Have open communication. Don't carry on conversations with your son and make your daughter-in-law feel left out. Be fair in all interactions with your daughter-in-law. Treat her as a daughter to ensure that she truly feels that she is part of the family;
- Be respectful of different opinions and attitudes – not all of us agree on everything and daughter-in-laws are no different;
- Be aware of what has not been said, and develop a thick skin, if necessary;
- Don't take it upon yourself to discipline your grandchildren when their parents are there to do it. If they don't, even if you think they should, they are their children and any discipline is their decision to make;
- Appreciate your daughter-in-law as the mother of your special grandchildren. She is also another daughter to love;
- Don't criticize your daughter-in-law to your son – most sons will side with their wives. After all, they have to live with them. This happened to my mother and she was alienated from the family of her son and daughter-in-law for two years. It is only natural that when your son marries, his wife and children become his first priority. As a mother/mother-in-law, you take a backseat. However, you won't be stuck in the backseat by yourself if you can have a good relationship with your daughter-in-law;
- Retain your sense of humor and keep your hurt feelings locked in the bathroom with you;
- Take an interest in your daughter-in-law and be complimentary;
- Don't be self-centered and talk only about your own interests, health, etc. And definitely, if you're having a grumpy day, do not go to the home of your son and daughter-in-law, stay home and grumble to your best friend, if necessary.

The most crucial thing to remember with a daughter-in-law relationship is respect. Although, like everything else, it does take two to make anything work properly. One, no matter how hard they try, is not going to be able to do it if the other is determined that the relationship will not work. I am, therefore, fortunate to have been blessed with excellent daughter-in-laws.

Daughter-in-Laws - How to Help Your Mother-in-Law Be the Best She Can Be

2011-02-03T13:55:00.000-08:00

How can a daughter-in-law make a mother-in-law great? One way is that she can be a great daughter-in-law too. The following are some of the ways she can do this:

- If a daughter-in-law treats her mother-in-law with respect, in all likelihood the mother-in-law will reciprocate;
- When there has been a misunderstanding, work together to make an effort to come to an agreement, without anger;
- Accept the fact that you may make some mistakes too;
- Be willing to admit when you have been at fault and apologize;
- If there is a big issue, let your husband discuss it with his mother so you can avoid becoming involved in an argument;
- Make an effort to be somewhat interested in your mother-in-law's life;
- Include your mother-in-law in your lives, when possible, especially with invitations to children's school plays, sports days, and special holidays, etc.;
- Be friendly, considerate and upfront;
- Don't harbor grudges – they accomplish nothing except hurt the relationship;
- Remain calm, non-critical and try to be polite at all times;
- Don't be super sensitive or take things personally;
- Make an effort to understand the perspective of each other;
- Remember birthdays and give pictures of your children to their grandmother;
Appreciate the fact that your mother-in-law is the woman who raised the man you love so she can't be all that bad;
- Treat your mother-in-law with the same consideration that you would your own mother;
- Have a positive attitude and don't set unrealistic expectations. Few people can live up to high expectations;
- Be sensitive to your mother-in-law's feelings;
- Make an effort to communicate your feelings;
- Try to get to know each other because you often don't like someone until you get to know them. In some cases the daughter-in-law may feel threatened by the mother-in-law but probably after getting to know her, you may realize there is no reason to feel that way – your mother-in-law may not be that much different than your own mother;
- And remember that you may one day be a mother-in-law with the hope that you have a great daughter-in-law too.

Any relationship is a two-way street and this is especially true in the fact that this one has the potential for so much conflict. If both sides make a genuine effort to have a cohesive relationship, it benefits not only the daughter-in-law but also the mother-in-law and the children. And children are very quick to pick up on any discord within a family.

In my own situation, I have three daughter-in-laws and we enjoy our relationships to the extent that they invite me to New Year's Eve with their friends, for evenings of playing Wii with them and their children, invitations to go hiking and picnics, days at the beach, picking blueberries or spending a day at the park. One daughter-in-law recently offered to drive 2 ½ hours each way with me while I dropped another son, (her brother-in-law) at the airport, so I wouldn't have to drive back by myself. And as a bonus, my sons and my daughter-in-laws invite me to go on vacation with them. I am truly blessed.

Five Things to Do to Help Make Next Year Your Best Year Ever

2010-12-28T20:35:00.000-08:00

There are things each of us can do, no matter what our situation is, to improve our lives. In most cases sitting and waiting for wonderful things to happen to us will not be the way to do it. The following are some of the things we can do:

1.Start by having a positive attitude. A positive attitude helps us to be more optimistic and to be better able to avoid negativity in our lives. It makes us happier, able to see the bright side of things and therefore the opportunities that are available to us. By having a positive attitude, our expectations are increased and if we expect good things to happen, they are more likely to than if we expect the worst. If we have a positive attitude we believe in ourselves and our abilities. And by being positive, people will react more favorably to us.

2.Set realistic goals and work towards them. Anything is possible. Realistic goals are ones you know you can realistically handle, i.e.: you probably wouldn't have time to go to the gym for an hour five days a week if you have several young children, a full-time job and a sick mother you are required to help look after. It might be more realistic to go twice a week for half an hour. Or, if you decide you want to lose twenty pounds in a week, that isn't realistic or healthy. It would be more realistic, and easier, to lose ten pounds in a month. Realistic goals keep a person focused and motivated but the goal has to work for you; and it must be one that you seriously want to attain.

3.Make life happen; don't let it just happen to you. If we sit around and wait for good things to happen to us, they won't. i.e.: if we want a better social life, we can organize fun things to do ourselves rather than wait for someone else to do it for us; we can take the initiative and be the leader. This can be done in any area of our lives whether it is with friends, family or in the workplace.

4.Get a handle on your financial situation so you control it and it doesn't control you. Begin with a budget, making sure you pay the necessary things like rent, food, heat and electricity before you spend money on things that are not absolute requirements. Being on a budget will help to keep you out of debt. Involve the whole family in helping to improve your financial situation. Encourage older children to get part-time jobs so they can pay for extra things they wish and for spending money. If you look around you will see there are other ways to earn a little extra money through other people's wastefulness. i.e.: collect and return pop and beer cans, etc. Or shop at consignment outlets, look for bargains and use coupons.

5.Make the effort to change things in your life that you are not happy with rather than just complaining about them. i.e.: if you are not happy with your job, look for another one (find one before you quit though); if the relationship in your life is causing you some unhappiness, decide how is the best way to resolve the problem; if you are feeling unhappy in general, only you can do something about it. No one else can make you happy, happiness has to come from within.

On the first day of each new year, open your eyes and say to yourself, 'today is the first day of a better life for myself' and begin by taking charge of your life and instituting changes that will make it better.

What Are The Benefits of Music to Young Children?

2010-12-14T21:51:00.000-08:00

Research indicates that early introduction to music helps develop young brains, strengthens listening abilities and assists with problem-solving skills. Singing to a baby from birth can include such old classical rhyming poems such as: Humpty Dumpty, Baa Baa Black Sheep and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. The following are some of the main reasons why introducing music to your young child is important.

- Music provides opportunities to develop social skills. It assists children in being creative. Music can be incorporated into a child's play. This will be advantageous to children because play is really a young child's version of work.
- Singing is verbal play with rhymes and melodies which help children with speech development. Research indicates that music can give children a head start; they are better able to verbalize, are more aware, better able to reason and it increases their cognitive skills.
- The most important brain development takes place in the first six years of their life. Music has been proven to have positive affects on the brain. I have seen this happen with my two year old granddaughter who has had music as a large part of her life since birth. She has been able to carry on a conversation since she was eighteen months old and is able to read such words as gorilla, chimpanzee, giraffe and elephant at an age when most can barely say the words. She also has a fairly good repertoire of songs she can sing on her own.
- Music makes children less inhibited. They enjoy the wonders of sound and are naturally receptive to rhythm and dancing. For this reason, music encourages creativity and interaction in non-threatening ways.
- Motor skills are developed also with the use of musical instruments and dancing to a beat. Involvement with music develops the skills of concentration, coordination and encourages self-esteem and confidence. As a further benefit, music stimulates the senses. At an age where the brain is developing so quickly, this will help the child not only now but as he/she furthers their education and emotional and social development.
- Music of any kind further aides emotional well-being and calms and focuses the mind. Even as an adult I have found this to be true.

What better time to start than now when there are so many Christmas songs that children enjoy while they focus on the exciting day ahead. Most children enjoy songs such as: Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, Jingle Bells and Here Comes Santa Claus. They are fun, lively and can be interactive. But there are many other fun and interactive songs that children also enjoy such as: The Wheels On The Bus, The Eensy Weensy Spider, Old MacDonald Had a Farm, The Farmer in the Dell and Whistle While you Work, to name but a few. So take the time to enjoy singing and dancing with your young child.

The Meaning of Christmas - How We Can Help Others

2010-12-14T21:33:00.000-08:00

What Christmas means to us will depend on many things. For the more fortunate of us, it will mean something very different than for those who are going through a difficult time. How do we share our good fortune in order to give Christmas more meaning?

Christmas for many is a feeling of joy; a feeling of warmth and love and time spent together with family and friends. It is a feeling of wanting to share, of giving and thinking of others who are not as fortunate. And for others it is about decorating, baking Christmas goodies, and getting stressed and overly anxious. For many also it is a time to celebrate their religion.

For children it is often about the presents and what they are going to get and the excitement of Santa coming. It may also be about the fun things there are to do during this time of the year - seeing light displays, visiting Santa, making gingerbread houses and the Christmas concert at school.

For those who are not so fortunate, ones without families or perhaps with only a few friends, with little or no money, or for someone whose family lives far away or who has recently become widowed or divorced, it will mean loneliness, unhappiness and another difficult time to get through. If we are one of the fortunate ones, the following are some ideas of how we can reach out and help someone else during the Christmas season:

- We can invite someone to share Christmas Day with us who would otherwise be alone;
- We can give a hamper to help a family through the season;
- We can give gifts to their children;
- We can take someone who has few friends or no family out for lunch;
- We can make an effort to phone a lonely person several times during the Christmas season to let them know that someone is thinking about them;
- We can encourage others to share and hold out their hand in friendship to someone who would otherwise be lonely at this time of the year;
- We can include them in things we may be doing, i.e.: invite them along to go tobogganing or to play in the snow with our children; invite them over for tea and if they have children, for a play date with our children;
- We can look outside of ourselves and our own families to see what we can do for others less fortunate during this holiday season when being alone feels more lonely than at any other time of the year.

If we do something for someone else, even if it is only one thing, it will enhance our own Christmas and our feelings about what the season is all about.

Young Children - The Benefits of Doing Educational Activities With Children at an Early Age

2010-11-24T16:46:00.000-08:00

One-on-one time spent doing educational activities with young children helps to develop their brains from as early as newborn and on. According to studies, it not only increases their verbal skills but enhances their early abilities towards reading and other accomplishments.

Beginning to do educational activities with newborns is not too early. Talking to your baby will help them to learn the spoken language; not only to be able to understand, but also to increase their ability to verbalize.

Early introduction to music is important also because babies are sensitive to the sound of music. Even hearing music before their birth will have a calming effect on them. As adults music lifts our moods and will make us smile or cry with emotion; the same is true for young children. My son and daughter-in-law played music before their baby was born. And as a newborn, they sang songs to her and played calming music for naps and night time. When she was about seventeen months old, she loved Silent Night and although she cried emotionally each time she heard it, she wanted to hear it over and over again. Now at just over two years, she spends a lot of time singing and sometimes plays her flute while she dances to music. Because of this early introduction, it seems that music is playing a large part in her life.

The brain builds itself by forcing connections through learning. Babies love to learn and are little sponges in their first few years of life. There are videos available for babies that show the alphabet and numbers and then eases them into the introduction of words. My son and daughter-in-law began using them on a daily basis when their daughter was six months old and are strong advocates of their use. Now at twenty-eight months she is able to read many of her own books herself. Although she enjoys imaginary playtime and the usual things young children play, (i.e.: playing with her dolls, having tea parties, playing at the park and visiting with her cousins, etc.), she always gravitates to her educational games.

As babies grow, there are many educational activities for as early as 12 months or sooner which include books and games about shapes, colours, matching sequences, building blocks, large lego pieces and counting games. Activities such as these are enjoyable for young children when mom and dad are spending time with them. Of my seven grandchildren, she is the only one whose parents have implemented this type of early learning and I can definitely see the advantages of it to her.

Although beginning early reading with a very young child is considered controversial by some, education is becoming more and more important in the world of today. This is evidenced by the all-day kindergarten classes now being held in many areas. I believe that for those who do begin early educational activities, they are giving their children a definite advantage over those who are just beginning to learn their alphabet and numbers in kindergarten.

Aging Parents - How To Handle Their Fears

2010-11-17T20:12:00.000-08:00

As people reach their elder years, they become more vulnerable as their feelings of confidence and the ability to care for themselves becomes less. Many elderly are unable to verbalize their fears. As their children and relatives it is up to us to determine what these fears are so we can help them.

My mother, at ninety years old, has many fears and each time she is hospitalized, they are like demons staring her in the face. Her first fear, and justifiably so after being hospitalized following a fall, was losing her independence. Combined with a very serious bladder infection, the result was that she was unable to drive again. This is a huge adjustment for a senior, especially one who had until then been very active.

Another fear, and again justifiable, was losing her dignity as she felt happened when she was ill in the hospital and unable to do many of the required things for herself. Being forced to be more reliant on others she felt was an extreme affront. This is very difficult for someone who has always relied on themselves and been very independent until her 87th year.

For her, fear of another fall became huge also because although she was fortunate not to have broken any bones, she was extremely afraid of a broken hip. And as most seniors further lose their independence, they fear isolation and loneliness as well. They see their friends dying around them and may wonder what is the use of living. Others may begin to fear dying themselves. As my mother said recently, she has too many things she wants to do yet. Many also fear becoming a burden on their families.

My mother fears having a stroke and being paralyzed. She said she would rather die with a massive heart attack. And since she has recently seen a friend die with cancer, she now has a fear of getting a recurrence of her cancer.

As seniors' brains begin to work more slowly and their memory isn't what it used to be, the fear of getting dimentia or Alzheimers is high. My mother, like many seniors, rails against being hard of hearing but she fears losing her eyesight even more since she is an avid reader.

Many others have financial fears and concerns as to their futures and others, when it is necessary to go into an assisted living type of situation, fear giving up their possessions. There are many in this generation, because of growing up in the Great Depression, have been hoarders and value their many possessions, not wishing to give any of them up even if they have no idea what they've got stashed away. And others fear losing their rights and the ability to make their own decisions.

Knowing and understanding the fears our parents or grandparents have, it is up to us as adult children to help them through this difficult time. The following are some ideas which may be helpful in assisting them:

- respect how your aging parents feel - validate their feelings;
- be understanding of their fears and give your support and love;
- listen to what your parent is really saying – keep the lines of communication open;
- help in any way possible to find solutions to their fears, i.e.: get a raised toilet seat to make getting on and off the toilet easier, get a bed rail to assist them in getting out of bed, look into daily help or if necessary, assisted living if more help is required, take them for regular doctor's appointments, make sure that they are not isolated, ensure that their diets are nutritional and that medications are taken as required;
- since falling is a serious fear, if your parent is unsteady on his/her feet, look into the need or possibility of a walker, make sure they are wearing stable shoes and hip protectors, and remove throw rugs and any other obstacles which may trip them.

My mother lives in an assisted living facility and her fears are no different than most of the other residents who also live there.

If we understand that most of these fears are valid, it is easier to assist our elderly parents. As adult children to our aging parents, I believe it is important to do what we can to make their remaining years as comfortable as possible.

Memory Loss and the Elderly

2010-11-16T09:50:00.000-08:00

Memory loss in the elderly was once considered inevitable especially after the age of seventy. Studies now show that it can be slowed down and even improved upon.

Some of the initial signs of these memory losses are:

- forgetting a person's name;
- forgetting the right word to use;
- forgetting where they put something, i.e.: their house keys;
- asking the same question over and over again;
- telling the same story over and over again;
- being confused with times and places;
- driving difficulties and getting lost in familiar places.

Gradual memory loss will not interfere with everyday activities. More serious memory loss that has an underlying basis in disease or depression, etc. is more than just forgetting things; it causes problems with thinking, reasoning, communicating and emotions. These include things like forgetting how to do something they once knew how to do. If this type of memory loss is suspected, it is wise to consult your family doctor.

Mild cognitive impairment (memory loss) appears, according to studies, to be slightly higher in men than in women. It's thought that men may begin to experience symptoms earlier but more gradually than women but with women, once memory loss begins, it will be more rapid.

Memory loss depends to a large extent on the physical health, lifestyle and educational level of the senior. Distractions, fatigue, poor concentration, emotional problems, lack of confidence and negativity can all add to seniors' problems with memory. Some over-the-counter drug combinations can also cause difficulties as can the excessive use of alcohol or drugs.

By exercising the brain and practicing memory skills, memory loss can easily be maintained. The popular saying to use it or lose it, is a good rule to follow.

Some of the ways of avoiding the risk of memory loss that will affect normal everyday life are to avoid smoking, to control high blood pressure, to eat a balanced diet and to lead an active lifestyle. It is especially important to keep the mind stimulated and busy. There are vitamins and minerals that the elderly can take to help slow the progress of memory loss as well. They are in the Vitamin B group of vitamins as well as iron, zinc and Omega 3. It is also important to avoid distractions, to focus and to listen closely. Maintaining social relationships will help greatly in slowing memory loss in the elderly too.

However, in some cases what may appear to be memory loss may not be entirely that but rather a general slowing down of the thinking process as people reach their elder years of mid-sixties and beyond. But no one can go wrong by following the suggestions of maintaining their current levels as mentioned above.

How to Have Fun While Keeping Expenses on a Tight Leash

2010-11-05T19:09:00.000-07:00

For many who live on limited incomes, having fun often doesn't seem possible; life is a grind just to make ends meet sometimes. But it can be done by checking your community calendar, watching your local newspaper or researching online for ideas on free or economical things to do.

When weather permits there are many ways to enjoy the outdoors with no cost or at minimal expense. The following are some ideas:

- there are many places to go for walks and for the more adventurous, most communities have areas with hiking trails;
- go to a local lake or the ocean for a day of swimming, building sandcastles or flying a kite;
- go to a marina and watch sailboats race;
- go kayaking or canoeing;
- take a picnic to your local park, have a game of frisbee, throw a ball around or collect colorful fall leaves;
- explore your neighborhood and go biking at the same time;
- become a photographer and take pictures wherever you go;
- spend an afternoon picking strawberries, blueberries or blackberries and then go home and make jam or a pie;
- play badminton, bocci ball or croquet;
- go camping by a creek and fish for trout;
- get friends together and have a game of baseball or soccer;
- in the winter go to the mountains and toboggan;
- build a snowman, a fort or have a snowball fight;
- if you're fortunate enough to have lakes that freeze in the winter, go ice skating;
- at Christmas time, go on a tree hunting expedition and cut your own;
- go to the pumpkin patch or the corn maze in the fall;
- take the children to the petting zoo;
- go to a bird sanctuary when many of them are wintering;
- go for a walk and enjoy a sunset.

When the weather isn't quite so nice, there are still many things that can be done that are reasonably priced or free. The following are some:

- spend an afternoon visiting the library;
- get friends or family together for board games, cards or charades;
- have potluck parties with friends;
- browse through a bookstore or spend a pleasant afternoon reading;
- go to garage sales, flea markets or a craft fair;
- start a challenging puzzle;
- get friends and family together for an evening of watching videos or DVD's;
- start a new hobby;
- learn a new skill;
- look for free or economical exhibits, events or entertainment;
- look for coupons and use them;
- during holidays there are always attractions such as a visit to Santa, various parades, looking at Christmas light exhibits and the many other festivities there are at this time of the year;
- paint and decorate eggs at Easter time;
- do a craft project with your children.

If you know where to look and are open to suggestions and new ideas, there will always be something fun to do that will fit into even the tightest budget.

Single Parent Families - Twenty Hints on How to Manage Financially

2010-10-26T20:56:00.000-07:00

Stretching our hard-earned dollars, regardless of what our income is, puts more money into our pocket to spend on necessities or for the occasional treat. The following suggestions will work for most people or can be adapted to suit each family depending on their needs.

The following are some general money-saving suggestions:

1. Cut up your credit cards and use cash only. There can be no temptation to overspend if you are only using cash. In order for this to properly work, it will be important to have a budget.
2. Utility costs can be reduced by either packaging your utilities and/or getting the basics only.
3. Use cellphone for emergencies only; stay within your allotted minutes, or use a pay-as-you-go cellphone plan.
4. Borrow DVD's and CD's, as well as magazines from the library and avoid the cost of purchases, going to movies or rentals of videos; or trade with friends.
5. Take advantage of all refunds and rebates available.
6. Look for bargains. There are many places to go if you shop around, i.e.: flea markets, garage sales, discount outlets and consignment shops.
7. Make your coffee at home rather than stopping at a coffee outlet.
8. Avoid luxuries – they are exactly that and not necessary. Rather than buy a newspaper every day, most news can be read online, make your own greeting cards, reuse wrapping paper or use plain brown paper when wrapping gifts. At Christmas I use brown paper for my gifts and red crepe paper for the ribbon – it costs almost nothing and looks very elegant.
9. Instead of going out for dinner, socialize by entertaining friends at your home potluck style – it won't break anyone's bank.
10. Cut out snacks and avoid using the vending machines, you'll save money and be healthier for it as well.
11. Make sure all products such as shampoo, dish soap, toothpaste and ketchup are completely finished before assigning them to the garbage basket.
12. Every small savings adds up whether it's a penny here or there or half an inch of ketchup in the bottom of the container.
13. Make your own wine, it is cheaper than buying it.
14. Barter your services or goods for what someone else has to offer.
15. When grocery shopping, never go without a list – never impulse buy and never shop when hungry.
16. Use coupons, buy bulk food items, buy store brands (there is most often little difference in taste), buy case lots on items that are frequently used, look for bargains and buy on sale.
17. When buying in bulk, freeze the extra food for other meals, this is especially true in the summer when fresh produce is plentiful and less expensive.
18. Use leftovers – reinvent them for another meal, i.e.: many things can be added to the soup pot or add leftover vegetables to a stir fry or fried rice.
19. Gas expenses for your car can be reduced by planning your trips, taking public transit, bicycling, walking or carpooling.
20. Many things can be made rather than bought which will save money, i.e.: kid's Hallowe'en costumes, gifts, Christmas decorations or baking and cooking from scratch.

There are many other ways to save if we just realize that the basic thing to remember is the importance of reducing expenses. Once that becomes ingrained, stretching your money and saving will become an automatic habit.

Thanksgiving Day Family Traditions

2010-10-23T20:46:00.000-07:00

Thanksgiving means many things to different people. For some it is a chance to get together with friends to watch football and for many others, it is an opportunity to spend time with family. The following are some of the ways to celebrate Thanksgiving traditions with your family:

For many people this holiday is not complete without turkey and pumpkin pie; it is our traditional Thanksgiving meal. And although the holiday celebration tends to center around the meal, there can be much more to this family celebration than just food.

It is a time to enjoy the family traditions you now have and to create new ones. It is a chance for cousins to visit and play together; for adults and older children to play board games and enjoy each others company; to relax, watch a football game or reminisce about those special memories of those who are unable to be there. For others, it is a time when children look forward to pulling the wishbone and making a wish. This is usually the time that the older siblings draw names for Christmas gift-giving in our family and an opportunity to remind everyone to make up their Christmas list.

One of our traditions is we have a Thanksgiving runner for the table where everyone can write on it in a permanent marker to say what they are thankful for. Another one is a game we play as a family based on each individual's uniqueness. An example of the questions are:

- Who is calm, collected and organized?
- Who can belly dance?
- Who is sometimes the absent-minded professor?
- Who meditates?
- Who is allergic to bees?
- Who is the Queen of Substitutions?
- Who bought a car based solely on how clean the engine was?
- Who counts steps and tiles while walking or sitting in a public area?
- Which two people in the family have broken their left wrists?

This is an example of the many types of questions that can be asked and works particularly well in large families,. It's a fun game too while everyone tries to guess who in the family it is. This is especially true if the questions and answers are humorous. Most families probably have many such questions that they could think of adding to their game.

Another family tradition is having each member bring a food item to put into a Thanksgiving basket for a less fortunate family. Perhaps each year a different family member can be in charge of organizing this tradition for that year.

There are many traditions that can be included in your family's Thanksgiving celebrations; these are but a few. Traditions draw families together; they encourage teamwork, co-operation and laughter. And most things when done with a common goal in mind are fun. I hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving celebrations.

Adult Stepchildren - Is Their An Easy Solution to Getting Along?

2010-10-21T20:52:00.000-07:00

There is no denying that blended families are difficult not only for the stepchildren but for the adults as well. And when the stepchildren are adults, the difficulties are possibly more complex than when children are small. What can we do to improve our relationships with our adult stepchildren?

First we have to understand why there may be resentment towards us. The following may be some things to consider:

- Did we come into the situation not considering how the adult stepchildren might be feeling about their parent remarrying? This is particularly the case if their parent had not been on their own for any significant length of time.
- Was it a complete surprise to them or had their biological parent discussed his/her plans with the children?
- Are they fearful of feeling isolated from their parent and that his/her time and attention will be taken away from them?
- If there are grandchildren, do they feel less time will be spent with them because of the new person in their mother/father's life?
- They may feel as if they're being disloyal to the absent parent if they welcome or are friendly with the stepparent.
- They may be concerned about inheritance issues and feel there will be nothing for them.

There are many ways that adult stepchildren can show their displeasure with the new person in their biological parent's life. The following are some of the ways:

- They may not invite you to special occasions;
- They may exclude you from conversations that you know nothing about because they took place before you were part of the family;
- They may ignore you as if you don't exist even when you're in your own home;
- They may attempt to control their biological parent;
- They may do cruel things like giving Christmas gifts to their parent but not to you or sit at your table when you have prepared a meal and not say anything to you.

As stepparents to adult stepchildren, how can we handle this difficult situation?

- Don't take what is said and done to you personally. The reality is it likely has nothing to do with you as a person. No matter who had come into their parent's life, they would feel the same way about them.
- The dynamics of the family were no doubt in existence long before you became part of it. Being the new kid on the block will not change the basic dynamics. It's important to remember that no matter what situation you are in, the new kid always has a tough time getting accepted. The same thing happened when we went to a new school.
- Realize that you will not win adult stepchildren over with warmth and kindness only. Patience will be required as changes in relationships take time to develop and grow.
- Set boundaries. By that I mean, do not allow yourself to be mistreated. If a dinner for the family is not appreciated, do not put yourself to the trouble again. Possibly suggest that your partner and his/her children have dinner in a restaurant without you. If they exclude you from special occasions, plan your own time with family and friends. If they try to control their biological parent, discover the reason why and discuss the problem with your partner, explaining how you feel.
- Give your partner family time, without you, with his/her adult children to try to lessen the reason for any jealousies.
- If all else fails, as a couple, speak with a counselor.

We don't need to be parents to our adult stepchildren. If we can succeed at being friends, we can consider ourselves fortunate.

His Sins Comment

2010-10-19T22:26:00.000-07:00

"His Sins" is a captivating novel about how some decisions have the capacity to withstand lifetimes and generations. We follow one man's decisions to see how the ripple effect lasts generations affecting not only his children, but his children's children, and their children also. It makes us think twice about the lives we lead, and the intentions we hold dear to our hearts. It warns us of our motivations and how they not only affect our own individual lives, but also the lives of those we love most, and even the lives of those we will never meet. "His Sins" makes us remembrr that what we do is important, and what we feel is even more so.

Helen Edwards, M.Ed
Mental Health Therapist